Something To Do Every Single Day of July 2017 in Portland

Summer is finally in full swing.

(Thomas Teal)

Wednesday, July 5

Help Helium pick a funny person.

Every year, Helium holds a crowd-judged contest to determine Portland's Funniest Person, and this is the last of the early rounds. Make sure your unique sense of humor—fart jokes! Innocuous ethnic foibles! Portland so Portland, amirite!—gets recognized. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.heliumcomedyclub.com. 7 and 10 pm. 21+.

Thursday, July 6

See a mashup of Shakespeare and the news.

Enso Theatre Ensemble's fragmented and contemporary Romeo & Juliet Project will combine excerpts of Shakespeare's script with broadcast news in a production that will be about half the length of the play you were forced to read in high school. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., ensotheatre.com. 7:30 pm. $25.

Friday, July 7

Journey to the Black Lodge.

Feel like the only person in Portland who didn't get why the return of Twin Peaks was such a big deal? Now's the time to learn what the fuss over auteur David Lynch is all about. During the course of the summer, NW Film Center is screening all of his features, plus select films that influenced his work. NW Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 503-226-2811, full lineup at nwfilm.org.

Saturday, July 8

Party in the street.

The Mississippi Street Fair is probably the most iconic such event in Portland—a world of sushi, beer, designer kiddie clothes and strange art made from bird carcasses. North Mississippi Avenue between Fremont and Alberta streets, mississippiave.com/streetfair. 10 am-9 pm.

Sunday, July 9

Take drugs with hippies.

Journey south to the outskirts of Eugene for the Oregon Country Fair, the state's yearly celebration of all things crunchy. Befriend a vendor with highly coveted overnight access if you're really trying to rage, or engage in some family-friendly wook hunting during the tamer daylight hours. 24207 OR-126, Veneta, Ore., 541-343-4298, oregoncountryfair.org. $70 for a 3-day pass. July 7-9. All ages.

Monday, July 10

Get buzzed, win garbage.

Host Brian Perez's dryly witty asides are the highlight of Mississippi Pizza's weekly Bourbon and Bingo Night. The prizes are mostly novelty junk, but as the man once said, it's not whether you win or lose, but how drunk you get. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 8 pm. 21+.

Tuesday, July 11

Watch birds from a canoe.

The Lower Columbia Estuary Partnership will take you on a free canoe ride to look at birds near Ross Island. Starts from Willamette Park near Southwest Macadam Avenue and Nevada Street, estuarypartnership.org. 9:30 am. Free.

Wednesday, July 12

Troll your favorite WW staffers in person.

You've been leaving pissy comments all year, so how about you RSVP for our annual Best of Portland block party and come say that shit to our face, bro? But before you do, enjoy some great food and drinks from choice local vendors. Our treat! Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., 503-243-2122, wweek.com. 5 pm. Free with RSVP.

Thursday, July 13

Hippie dance for four straight days.

As Pickathon moves farther from its roots, figuratively and literally, the Northwest String Summit continues to pick up the slack for festies who demand at least three banjo solos per song. The lineup is secondary to the vibe, but we hear Yonder Mountain String Band has some pretty tasty licks. Horning's Hideout, 21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Road, North Plains. See stringsummit.com for a complete schedule and tickets. Through July 16.

Friday, July 14

Celebrate this thing called Prince's life.

No group of musicians knows the music of Prince as intimately as his classic band, the Revolution, who reunited after his death and are touring the country, playing his most well-known material with a revolving cast of singers. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 9 pm. $35 general admission, $55 balcony seating. All ages.

Saturday, July 15

Float on.

For the seventh year in a row, thousands of Portlanders agree the Willamette is clean enough to swim in and are pretty excited to prove it by locking arms and floating around in inner tubes. It's still advisable to cover any open wounds, but we'll be damned if that water isn't refreshing! Starts from Tom McCall Waterfront Park at Southwest Columbia Street and Naito Parkway, thebigfloat.com. 11 am. $5 through July 5th, $10 after. Discounted pricing under age 18. All ages.

Sunday, July 15

Watch fake bands live out their real-band dreams.

Can't make it to Guns N' Roses at the Gorge? Your next best option is to catch Appetite for Deception, along with 17 other tribute acts, at the seventh annual Harefest, the only all-cover-bands festival we know of. Pat's Acres Racing Complex, 6255 S Arndt Road NE, Canby, harefest.com. Through July 17. $50-$100. All ages.

Monday, July 17

Baile esta cumbia.

Orquestra Pacifico Tropical sounds like someone spiked the cruise-ship punch, kidnapped the cover band that was supposed to play after dinner, and replaced it with the hottest cumbia orchestra in the Pacific Northwest. Be sure to sneak a little somethin' in your Hydro Flask for this one. Sellwood Riverfront Park, Southeast Spokane Street and Oaks Parkway, 503-823-7529, portlandoregon.gov/parks. 6:30 pm. Free. All ages.

Tuesday, July 18

See a movie with a friend for the price of one.

(Henry Cromett)

The cheap tickets and primo beer selection have already earned Montavilla's Academy Theater first place in our ranking of neighborhood second-run theaters, but it gets even better on Tuesdays when admission is 2-for-1. Reinvest the savings in a slice of pizza from Flying Pie next door and you've got yourself one heck of an air-conditioned night of value. Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500, academytheaterpdx.com. All ages.

Wednesday, July 19

See standup from four of Portland's funniest people.

(Christine Dong)

You're Welcome's guest lineup of local and non-local comedians is usually pretty solid, but at the very least, half the sets will be by local, seriously funny comedians and hosts Caitlin Weierhauser, Adam Pasi, Marcus Coleman and Matt Monroe. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 9:30 pm. Free.

Thursday, July 20

Start your weekend early on a Portland Spirit afternoon cruise.

Get out of work early on Thursday and get on the boat for a two-hour cruise with music and booze. Salmon Street Springs Dock, 1000 SW Naito Parkway, portlandspirit.com. 3-5 pm. $30.

Friday, July 21

Scout Portland's future Best New Bands. 

Anyone who thinks Portland's music scene is nothing but sad indie dudes and warbling ukulele players needs to spend some time at PDX Pop Now, which brings together a broad sample platter of the best local sounds—from punk to jazz, folk to hip-hop, metal to EDM—all under one bridge. The Hawthorne, to be precise. AudioCinema, 226 SE Madison St., pdxpopnow.com. Through July 23. Free. All ages.

Saturday, July 22

Immerse yourself in DIY culture. 

Since 2001, the Portland Zine Symposium has been bringing together hordes of independent publishers to host free workshops, panels and discussions. Plus, you can leave with an armful of the coolest coffee-table magazines of anyone you know. Jade/APANO Multicultural Space, 8114 SE Division St., portlandzinesymposium.org. Noon. Free. All ages.

Sunday, July 23

Dance to "Uptown Funk" somewhere other than in a reception hall. 

About the only two things America agrees on these days are the Rock and Bruno Mars—and at least Bruno isn't threatening to run for president. He's content supplying wedding DJs with all the funk and R&B jams they'll need for the next 20 years, and God bless him for it. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. $49.50-$125. All ages.

Monday, July 24

Trump somebody.

Trumping is not as awful as it sounds—unless it's your partner's ace. Every other week is euchre night at this deep-dish pizza spot. Learn the official card game of the Midwestern United States while eating a slice and drinking a couple $6.50 Maker's 'n' Cokes. Via Chicago, 2013 NE Alberta St., 503-719-6809, viachicagopizza.com. 6-10 pm.

Tuesday, July 25

See the new Christopher Nolan movie on 70 mm film.

Christopher Nolan shot Dunkirk, his new war movie about the evacuation of 400,000 Allied soldiers from the beach of France, on 70 mm. Portland's Hollywood Theatre is one of a handful across the country that can screen it in wide format. Buy tickets early and don't miss it. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128, hollywoodtheatre.org. Opens July 21.

Wednesday, July 26

Attend the largest beer festival of the season.

The Oregon Brewers Festival, the biggest and oldest beer festival in the state, is also the best place to bring a burgeoning craft-beer junkie, as more than 80,000 friends, enemies, and strangers "woo" their way through the heat to try a massive selection of craft beer from all over the nation. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Naito Parkway between Southwest Harrison and Northwest Glisan streets. Noon-9 pm. Continues noon-9 pm Thursday-Saturday and noon-7 pm Sunday, July 26-30. Free admission; souvenir mug $7, tasting tokens $1.

Thursday, July 27

Buy cool art at Last Thursday.

Alberta's infamous street fair has endured all manner of chaos and fuckery throughout its lengthy run, so if you're relatively new to the city, it's worth your time to check it out before it's too late. Northeast Alberta Street between 15th and 30th avenues. 6 pm. Free. All ages.

Friday, July 28

Make fun of bad movies with robots.

After almost two decades, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is back—and still really funny. The show's live tour will include performances by current host Jonah Ray and series creator Joel Hodgson, plus lots of wacky robot mayhem. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 8 pm. $39.50-$299.

Saturday, July 29

Put on some fins and join a parade of mermaids.

(Christine Dong)

Last year, Una the mermaid became a local sensation, when she hung out at the Salmon Street Springs Fountain all day and sang songs from The Little Mermaid. Now, she's hosting a mermaid parade for the second year in a row, which will include a mermaid beach swim and beach party at Poets Beach and conclude in a 21-plus Sirens' Masquerade Ball after-party. Japanese American Historical Plaza, 2 NW Naito Parkway, portlandiamermaidparade.com. Noon-4 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, July 30

Dress like a wizard for Harry Potter's birthday.

This weekend, Vancouver transforms from a slightly underrated suburb into a wonderland of wizards, elves and all the other whimsical shit in the Harry Potter universe to celebrate its hero's July 31 birthday. Kiggins Theatre screens all eight films from the blockbusting series over the weekend, and downtown Vancouver transforms into Diagon Alley. Kiggins Theatre, 1011 Main St., Vancouver, Wash., 360-816-0352, kigginstheatre.net. July 28-31.

Monday, July 31

Get Wet.

Before Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Bradley Cooper and Amy Poehler were all extremely famous—and most of the rest of the cast normally famous—they starred in David Wain's hilarious sendup of '80s camp comedies, Wet Hot American Summer. It was brought back with the original cast intact for a miniseries on Netflix in 2015, but you should catch the original on the big screen for free as part of the Clinton Street Theater's Resistance Series. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-5588, cstpdx.com. 7 pm.

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