15 SE 28th Ave., 503-231-1093, holmanspdx.com. 8 am-2:30 am daily. Happy hour 4-7 pm daily, 10 pm-midnight Sunday-Thursday: $1 off wells and drafts, food specials, $1 off whiskey on Wednesdays.
Holman's, once a late-night food mecca for all of inner Southeast Portland, is where I witnessed a friend down an entire bottle of Tabasco sauce on a dare. It's where on a Sunday morning I witnessed a man stand up from the bushes out back—having managed to hide his sleeping presence all night—and walk in to order a drink at 8 am. It is home to a back patio on which I have seen at least three women cry, and two separate bar fights that failed because its participants were too drunk.
But I know that Holman's, over its 83 years, has seen much worse than I ever will, and the damn place is unaffected. They have one of the most unlikely whiskey collections in the city—including many special-edition Laphroaigs—the best Bloody Mary bar in the city for a mere $7, and greasy diner-style food that is improbably addictive, in particular those triangular mac 'n' cheese bites that have, by now, spent generations on the menu. Some places in Portland are utterly immune to time, and Holman's will be here long after you're not even a memory.
Bar story: Although the Holmans who bury you won't quite be the Holman's that will kill you, the improbably old Holman's was founded by the first family of Portland funerals, their services still in operation on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard.