 |
| The Break Up: A dating horror movie. |
NOW SHOWING
*NEW* Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story
It's hard to know what to say about this one. It's a paintball mockumentary; maybe that's enough. The opening sequence is told via He-Man action figures, a genius move that made me hope the whole film would be like that, but no. Rob Corddry (of The Daily Show) plays Bobby Dukes, a paintball wizard who was disgraced and banned for 10 years when he was caught "wiping" (i.e., trying to cheat by rubbing off the paint when he got hit). Ten years later, the ban is lifted, Bobby's girl is married to his arch-rival, and his old coach has gone totally Apocalypse Now. Bobby wants to get a team together to play in the classic and win back his honor. The recruitment-and-training segments are the funniest parts—along the lines of Waiting for Guffman but nowhere near as good. The jittery, invasion-of-Normandy-style paintball battle scenes are funny for about a minute. And the new team's first rivals, a bunch of hip-hop-talking Canadians in camouflage activewear, are plenty weird. Aside from one or two inspired moments, it's what you'd expect of a paintball mockumentary: dumb but mildly entertaining, undoubtedly improved by beer. NR. BECKY OHLSEN. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. Friday-Thursday, June 9-15. $4-$6.
*NEW* The Break-Up
Sometimes I think the only reason Hollywood exists is to make me feel lucky I'm single. Pop-cinema definition of a relationship: Bitchy girl with a Pilates-ed ass and shaved cooter feng-shuis the apartment in an attempt to change the slobby sports hunk she fell for into a charming gay man she can show off to her parents. If that sounds like as much fun to you as it does to me, stay home. Play Sega. Do not attend this very bad Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn movie, because if those relationships were real, this would be a documentary about them. But if your ladyfriend drags you to see it, there are two reasons not to dump her instantly: One, Vincent D'Onofrio as Vaughn's older brother has this one amazing scene of such pure physical awkwardness it's almost worth enduring the whole film to see; and two, halfway to the end you get some Old 97s concert footage. Is this what dating is like? PG-13. BECKY OHLSEN. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Cinetopia, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
Cars
It would seem by now that animation studio Pixar is incapable of making a bad movie. Even its worst film, which is quite probably this one, is still head-and-shoulders above all the other 'toon fare that's being peddled to kids these days. The so-simple-a-toddler-can-comprehend-it plot deals with Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson), a hotshot rookie on the race-car circuit with a shot at the championship. But before Lightning can become the champ, he must first learn some valuable, Disney-fied life lessons about friendship, responsibility and all the things that make us good people—or in this case, automobiles. As with all things Pixar, the animation is great, and the vocal talent is top-notch. But one of the key flaws of the film is that it is hard to portray human characteristics with cars—bugs, toys, fish and monsters, yes. But cars? It's a tough sell. Other problems with the film are that it runs a bit too long and that it seems intended for a really young audience. We're talking Thomas the Tank Engine audience. Still, the film is entertaining enough, your kids will love it, and, most important, you won't regret not having used birth control after watching this for the 500th time. G. DAVID WALKER. Opens Friday, June 9. Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin, Lloyd Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Roseway, Eastport, Division St., Moreland, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lake Twin, Movies on TV, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Cinetopia, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America
Masking its biting humor under so much straight-faced seriousness, C.S.A. will go over some people's heads, while others are sure to be offended by director Kevin Willmott's in-your-face take on racism. Built around the premise that the South won the Civil War, the film is presented as a legitimate, Ken Burns-style documentary produced in England that charts the history of a nation where Grant surrendered to Lee and "Dixie" has become the national anthem. C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America is equal parts brilliant comedy and astute social commentary, as funny as it is thought-provoking. And for those who pay close enough attention, it is as much a fairy tale of how things could have been in this country as it is a revelation of how things actually are. DAVID WALKER. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. Call theater for times. $4-$6.
The Da Vinci Code
Dan Brown's multimillion-copy bestseller comes to life on the big screen in this much-hyped but thoroughly disappointing piece of mediocrity. Tom Hanks stars as Robert Langdon, a Harvard professor and noted symbologist caught up in a mysterious murder at the Louvre in Paris. Based on the cryptic clues at the scene, police detective Fache (Jean Reno) suspects Langdon is the killer. But before he slap the cuffs on the American, police cryptologist Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou) arrives on the scene to let Langdon know he is in great danger, and the two make a hasty escape, leading to a chase across France and England. As the twisting, turning plot careens along, we learn that the murder was part of a massive conspiracy involving a ultra-conservative sect of the Catholic Church, led by Bishop Aringarosa (Alfred Molina), that is determined to keep a closely guarded secret from being revealed. Director Ron Howard infuses as much pedestrian style, action and special effects as one would hope to see in a big-budget movie of this nature. But the one thing missing from The Da Vinci Code—the same thing missing from many of Howard's maudlin opuses—is heart and soul. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen Pkwy, Hilltop, Lake Twin, Movies on TV, 99W Drive-In, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Cinetopia, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
District B13
If all mindless, silly films were this fun, then watching stupid movies wouldn't be so difficult. Borrowing a bit from the films of director John Carpenter and a lot from the films of Jackie Chan, District B13 is set in a near future where a giant wall surrounds the ghettos of Paris, creating a no man's land of crime and violence. The most treacherous area is District B13, and somewhere within the crime-ridden neighborhood, villainous kingpin Taha (Bibi Naceri) has come to possess a neutron bomb that will detonate in 24 hours. Super cop Damien (Cyril Raffaelli) is sent in to defuse the bomb, but since he doesn't know the district, he is forced to team up with idealistic vigilante Leïto (David Belle), whose sister is the drug-addled sex slave of Taha. Short of superfluous story or unnecessary exposition, District B13 is a highly entertaining, check-your-brain-at-the-door action flick that never slows down long enough to give you a chance to ponder its lack of intelligence. Fans of movies like the first Transporter film should enjoy what amounts to the most balls-out entertaining film of the summer so far. R. DAVID WALKER. Fox Tower, City Center.
Drawing Restraint 9
[SHORT RUN] There is no denying the visual beauty to be found in the new film from visual artist and creator of The Cremaster Cycle Matthew Barney. There is also no denying that this difficult-to-describe meditation on something or other is a ponderous, pretentious piece of film-as-art that will only appeal to a select few. According to the press notes, "the film concerns the theme of self-imposed limitation," which says nothing and everything at the same time. Barney and singer Björk (his girlfriend of five years) star as "The Guests," two strangers who meet aboard a Japanese whaling ship that is hosting a huge sculpture of Vaseline. The guests participate in a ritualistic ceremony that culminates in them making love in a flooded cabin of the ship during a storm, while simultaneously mutilating themselves and transforming into whales. At least I think they're transforming into whales; maybe it's some other creature. The point is that this is all some weird crap that starts out as a visually interesting exercise in minimalist narrative—whose every image has a hidden meaning that stupid people like me are never meant to comprehend—and ends as an endurance test. Those who eschew conventional narrative in film may enjoy Drawing Restraint 9, but everyone else should consider themselves warned. DAVID WALKER. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-4515. Friday-Thursday, June 2-8. Call theater for times. $4-$7.
Fallen Angel: Gram Parsons
[SHORT RUN] Gandulf Henning's documentary looks at the life and career of influential musician Gram Parsons, whose pioneering sounds influenced a wide variety of other musicians. Henning's film mixes rare performance footage and interviews—all held together by the music—to create a compelling portrait that affords Parsons the respect he is due. Henning is scheduled to introduce the film. Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7 pm Tuesday, June 13. $4-$7.
Friends with Money
Watching writer-director Nicole Holofcener's Friends with Money is like being dragged to a party where you don't know anyone, don't want to know anyone, and spend the whole night wishing someone would choke to death on a chicken wing. None of the main characters in this ensemble is likable, and the more you get to know them, the less you like them. As a drama there's nothing compelling, as a comedy there's nothing funny, and as a mix of the two the film is a lifeless failure. R. DAVID WALKER. Fox Tower, Tigard Joy.
*NEW* Keeping Up with the Steins
There are those who believe Jews control the entertainment industry. But if that's true, then what exactly were Hollywood's Elders of Zion thinking when they gave this contrived mess the green light? This is the sort of unfunny, stereotype-filled, cliché-ridden dreck usually reserved for black audiences and starring Cedric the Entertainer. In what could just as well be entitled My Big Fat Jewish Bar Mitzvah, Jeremy Piven stars as an uptight father driven to give his son Benjamin (Daryl Sabara) the most elaborate bar mitzvah of all time. The problem is, Benjamin doesn't want a big bar mitzvah, so he hatches a complicated plot to divert his father's attention by inviting his estranged grandfather (Garry Marshall). Sitcom-style wackiness ensues, with Mark Zakarin's hackneyed script providing flat, insipid jokes that "work" in tandem with Scott Marshall's anemic direction. Marshall and Zakarin deliver a film bereft of laughs that seems unaware of the fine line that separates quirky, cultural humor from tired old stereotypes, delivering the Jewish equivalent of a minstrel show—a menschtrel show, if you will. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Opens Friday, June 9. Fox Tower.
Kinky Boots
Those working-class British comedies, with their bittersweet mix of humor and melodrama, are all well and good, but between everything from The Full Monty to Waking Ned Devine to The Snapper, we've pretty much seen 'em all. This time around, the action takes place in a shoe factory on the brink of financial ruin, inherited by Charlie Price (Joel Edgerton). Enter Lola (Dirty Pretty Things' Chiwetel Ejiofor), a transvestite who inspires Charlie to make women's footwear for men. Next thing you know, it's the standard ups and downs, with everyone learning valuable lessons about self-esteem and accepting others for who they are on the inside. Been there, done that. Ejiofor continues his streak of great performances, but the hackneyed script is such an eye-rolling waste of time, his performance does not make it worth watching this junk. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. Call theater for times. $4-$6.
A Lion in the House
[SHORT RUN] Films with this much emotional depth are rare, providing profound, resonant glimpses into the human experience. Six years in the making, directors Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert's film chronicles the lives of five children with cancer. But the film is more than just a profile of the children, their families and their caregivers; this is an epic glimpse at life and death that explores the complicated and complex issues we all face during our time on this planet. A Lion in the House is likely to be one of the most powerful films you will see all year. Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 2 pm Saturday and Sunday, June 10-11. $4-$7.
Mission: Impossible III
The latest installment in the Mission: Impossible franchise is a stylish action thriller so bombastic in its effects-heavy histrionics that the audacious stupidity of the threadbare plot—recycled from the James Bond Book of Cliché—is almost forgivable. And perhaps M:I3 would be deserving of a bit more slack, if only it weren't for the sanctimonious Cruise, who has become a colossal joke with no punch line. Cruise spends much of the film running with a sort of heterosexual determination, as if trying to escape some dark truth lurking deep in his closet. And in a film overflowing with special effects, none seem more special than Cruise's ability to get misty-eyed on command for no apparent reason. For a super-agent out to save the world, Ethan Hunt is a crybaby bitch boy. Mission: Impossible III is more entertaining than it is bad, but also more stupid than it is good. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Evergreen Pkwy, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
Mongolian Ping Pong
[SHORT RUN] Director Hao Ning offers a precious glimpse into the vast Mongolian steppes and a group of nomads living there. The setting is breathtaking, and the plot endearingly takes its time evolving with small details while also revealing these intriguing people and their everyday lives. The plot begins when an innocent 9-year-old boy finds a ping-pong ball floating down a stream. He shows it to his two friends, as well as to his grandmother, who tells him it is a "glowing pearl." The wondrous effect this mysterious table-tennis ball has on these three boys makes for a simple but delectable film. LAURA MULRY. Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7 and 9 pm Friday and Saturday, June 9-10. $4-$7.
Neil Young: Heart of Gold
The concert film Neil Young: Heart of Gold captures why the old guy's career has lasted four decades, why so many performers who came after him consider him a godfather, and why he is revered in every musical circle from country to grunge. The reason? Because he's so damn good. ERIC D. SNIDER. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. Call theater for times. $4-$6.
*NEW* The Omen
Of all the sources they could choose to be slavishly faithful to, they pick The Omen? In case you forgot, the 1976 suspense flick about the devil-spawned kid was no prize to begin with (slowly paced, with bland acting by Lee Remick). So here's a remake (more quickly paced but with bland acting by Julia Stiles and Liev Schreiber), and most scenes are line-for-line repeats of the original. A lot of the shots even match, though director John Moore can't match Richard Donner for serviceable elegance. Oh, and the kid's father, originally played by Gregory Peck, is still kind of a dumb lump, too. The doctor tells Schreiber, "There was damage to the womb, so she might not be able to..." and Schreiber says, "Might not be able to what?" Might not be able to play tennis, you moron, what do you think? So why remake the film at all if you're just going to do a carbon copy? Well, the special effects are better this time, and Mia Farrow plays the creepy replacement nanny. And you know she has experience raising evil children. R. ERIC D. SNIDER. Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen Pkwy, Movies on TV, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
Over the Hedge
Movies based on comic strips have a spotty history—Garfield still haunts more than one parent's dreams, I'm sure. But Over the Hedge, about a group of woodland creatures who learn to steal people food when suburbia encroaches on their territory, is a genuinely funny animated lark. A peaceful group consisting of everything from possums to a turtle is joined by R.J. (voice of Bruce Willis), a smooth-talking raccoon who needs their help gathering a ton of junk food in order to pay off a bear he angered. The energetically animated film gets a lot of laughs from its subtle satire of American consumerism, with R.J. showing how the humans' lives revolve around food. But don't worry, there are fart jokes, too, and a truly hilarious finale in which the already-hyper squirrel (Steve Carell) uses caffeine to accomplish an urgent mission. Garry Shandling, Wanda Sykes and William Shatner are among the voices, adding some grown-up sensibilities to the goofy cartoon hijinks. At 80 minutes (not counting credits), it's a good length for the rugrats, who will laugh when the squirrel asks, "Wanna help me find my nuts?" even if they don't know why. PG. ERIC D. SNIDER. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen Pkwy, Hilltop, Movies on TV, 99W Drive-In, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Cinetopia, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
Peaceful Warrior
In this film based on true events, Scott Mechlowicz stars as Dan Millman, a good-looking, hot-headed college gymnast on the brink of making it to the Olympics. Dan finds he is having trouble sleeping at night, so he takes a breather at 3 am and ends up at a nearby gas station, where the attendant (an incredibly aged Nick Nolte) is a bit hokey. Still, Dan is drawn to his mysterious ways. Let's just say it's a Karate Kid-esque case of Daniel La Russo and Mr. Miyagi: spiritual teacher finds rebellious pupil and molds him into being the best he can truly be. At times, Peaceful Warrior has the high energy of Remember the Titans, a feel-good film with bearable bouts of cheesiness. But Peaceful Warrior is long-winded, and the dialogue runs heavily contrived (Millman nicknames his newfound teacher "Soc," as in, yes, you guessed it, Socrates.) Based on the bestselling novel by Millman, who himself has gained recognition as a spiritual writer and guru, the storyline slowly weaves you through Dan's evolution as an athlete, and most important, an enlightened human being. Thrilling. PG-13. ELIANA BAR-EL. Opens Friday, June 2. Fox Tower.
Poseidon
A "reimagining" of 1972's The Poseidon Adventure (not exactly a good movie itself), this new version takes place on a luxury cruise ship that has been capsized by a giant wave. There's massive destruction and PG-13 carnage, and then you get to lay bets as to which of the ragtag survivors will croak before the final reel. Will it be Kurt Russell, the former firefighter and ex-mayor of New York City, or will it be Richard Dreyfuss, the melancholy architect who's suicidal after being dumped by his gay lover? Poseidon is remarkable in its big-budget, effects-heavy ineptitude. The script is atrocious, which makes the acting laughable, and the direction by Wolfgang Petersen is about as subtle as a TNT enema. If this is any indication of what the rest of the summer has to offer, start stockpiling books now. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Division St., Evergreen Pkwy, Forest, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sherwood.
The Puffy Chair
The filmmaking duo of brothers Jay and Mark Duplass offer a breath of fresh air with their ultra-low-budget indie film that has arrived after a successful run at festivals in 2005. The bare bones plot is simple enough: Twentysomething slacker Josh (Mark Duplass) embarks on a road trip to pick up a vintage, purple La-Z-Boy recliner he's won on eBay, which he plans to give to his father as a birthday present. Along for the ride is Josh's girlfriend Emily (Kathryn Aselton), who seems to have problems with where the relationship is headed. For Emily the trip is an opportunity to spend time alone with her boyfriend, but those plans fall apart when Josh's spacey younger brother Rhett (Rhett Wilkins) decides to tag along on the trip. For a movie that cost around $15,000 to produce, the Duplass Brothers' film has a lot going for it. Older brother Jay's direction and cinematography give the film a voyeuristic, documentary feel, and Mark's writing and acting, work with his brother's behind-the-camera technique to give The Puffy Chair a sense of reality and honesty that never seems contrived or manufactured. DAVID WALKER. Fox Tower.
*NEW* A Prairie Home Companion
Garrison Keillor and Robert Altman, two love-him-or-hate-him entertainment icons, are together at last in A Prairie Home Companion, which is much less polarizing: It's possible to have very mild, unimpassioned feelings about this one. The film is set backstage at Keillor's famed radio show, during what is likely to be its last performance (don't worry, fans, the movie is fiction), with folks like Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Lindsay Lohan playing regular guest performers. Meanwhile, a mysterious woman in white (Virginia Madsen) wanders the corners of the theater, with security agent Guy Noir (Kevin Kline) keeping tabs on her. The film retains Keillor's wry, cornball sensibilities (the script is credited to him), and Altman makes his presence known with long, unbroken takes from Steadicams that float around the theater like silent and omniscient observers. Two scenes set onstage are highlights, both masterpieces of gleeful, carefully orchestrated comedy. The rest of the movie is typical Altman, with his overlapping conversations and de-emphasis on plot. Keillor's fans will probably consider the film a masterwork, while Altman's people will file it away as one of the director's average efforts, better than Popeye but worse than Short Cuts. PG-13. ERIC D. SNIDER. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-415. Friday-Thursday, June 9-15. $4-$7. Eastport, Cedar Hills.
The Proposition
Best known for his work as a musician, Nick Cave ventures into the world of film as the screenwriter of this moody, blood-spattered tale of revenge and justice in 1880s Australia. Guy Pearce stars as Charlie Burns, the middle brother in a ruthless gang being hunted for heinous crimes against humanity. When Charlie and Mikey (Richard Wilson) are captured by lawman Morris Stanley (Ray Winstone), an unusual proposition is made. Stanley promises to spare the life of younger brother Mikey if Charlie hunts down and kills older brother Arthur (Danny Huston), a cold-blooded killer with no remorse. Cave and director John Hillcoat appear to have watched quite a few westerns in preparation for this somber tale, especially the gritty revisionist fare of the late 1960s and '70s. But their film, while punctuated with great moments, never comes together as a whole. At times it feels like The Proposition is trying to be profound, but it never achieves that goal, leaving the audience wondering exactly what it is they should be feeling. R. DAVID WALKER. Fox Tower, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.
RV
Because Tim Allen was busy, I guess, Robin Williams stars as Bob Munro, a bumbling, workaholic dad who tries to make up for neglecting his wife and kids by taking them on an RV trip to Colorado. All the clichés of the road-trip comedy are present, including the vehicular mayhem (the RV is a rental, which means it must be destroyed) and a run-in with some wildlife (a raccoon, specifically). And in a special two-for-one offer, we also get the clichés of the workaholic-dad-learns-what's-really-important comedy, right down to the finale in which Bob tells his soulless boss to take this job and shove it. PG. ERIC D. SNIDER. Division St., Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Vancouver Plaza.
The Sketches of Frank Gehry
[SHORT RUN] "What's so hot about Frank Gehry? What's the fuss about?" asks filmmaker Sidney Pollack early on in his new documentary. Both are valid questions if you've never heard of architect Gehry or are unfamiliar with his groundbreaking work. But as personal friend Pollack creates an intimate portrait of Gehry and explores the process by which he designs and creates buildings like the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, it becomes clear what all the fuss is about. Gehry is an innovative artist who took the very practical science of architecture and applied to it the organic randomness of fine art. The result is buildings and homes that are unique. It is all more interesting than it actually sounds, primarily because Gehry himself is a fascinating character who, unlike many artists, has found a way to reconcile the art-versus-commerce conflict that many creative people face. DAVID WALKER. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-4515. 5 pm Wednesday-Thursday, June 7-8. $4-$7.
Thank You for Smoking
Based on Christopher Buckley's bestselling novel from the early 1990s, Thank You for Smoking stars Aaron Eckhart as Nick Naylor, the "sultan of spin"—a master of manipulating the truth with a self-conferred "bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names." Nick's job as the vice president of the Academy of Tobacco Studies is to debunk the claims that cigarettes are bad and to promote smoking. Brimming with subtle visual gags and absurd humor, Thank You for Smoking is a brilliant comedy that is ruthless in its attacks on both hand-wringing liberals and money-grubbing conservatives. R. DAVID WALKER. Fox Tower, Cinemagic.
Woman in the Dunes
[SHORT RUN] Acclaimed director Hiroshi Teshigahara's 1964 masterpiece remains one of the best and most revered works in the world of international cinema. Eiji Okada stars as an entomologist who becomes trapped in the home of a mysterious woman who lives at the bottom of a massive sandpit. Teshigahara's film is at once mesmerizing, haunting, beautiful and completely unforgettable. Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7:15 pm Thursday and Sunday, June 8 and 11. $4-$7.
X-Men: The Last Stand
Our intrepid mutant heroes, routinely called upon to protect a society that fears and hates them, are back in action once again. When a pharmaceutical company develops a "cure" that can reverse the mutant process, it sparks a volatile debate. The "cure" doesn't sit well with Magneto (Ian McKellen), who fears mutants are being posed for eradication, and he leads his army of evil mutants in a war against humanity. The problems with X-Men: The Last Stand are numerous. First and foremost, there is an everything-and-the-kitchen-sink screenplay that crams too much story and too many characters into a brief running time. There are huge leaps in logic, characters that go undeveloped, and subplots discarded in the hope that we might not notice because we're so excited to see Wolverine go on a slice-'n'-dice killing rampage. The weakness of the script not withstanding, X3's Achilles' heel is Brett Ratner's impotent direction—his lack of style and finesse only enhance the screenplay's shortcomings. Ratner seems incapable of extracting any emotion from his actors, and the film only works during the action sequences. Still, X-Men: The Last Stand is the best of the big-budget fare so far this summer, outshining films like Mission: Impossible III and The Da Vinci Code. But to be the least stinky in a season of odoriferous schlock is a dubious distinction at best. PG-13. DAVID WALKER. Pioneer Place, St. Johns Cinema Twin, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division St., Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen Pkwy, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Sherwood, Tigard, Cinema 99, Cinetopia, City Center, Vancouver Plaza.