HAIL MARY: Poppins Sing-A-Long at Cinema 21.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 8

Supercali-Satan-is-Lord-fragilistic...

Now you can lend your voice to all the twisted and terrifying double meanings at the "Mary Poppins Sing-A-Long." Lyrics will run along the bottom of the screen, and costumes are encouraged. Maybe they'll even play "Chim Chim Cher-ee" backward—you can hear Dick Van Dyke predicting a bloody race war. It's a kids' classic. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-4515. 7 pm. Nov. 8-9. 1:30 pm. Nov. 11-12. $10; $5 kids 5 and under. All ages.

The Funnier Sex

Women aren't funny. Don't blame them—blame the male libido. To get laid, average guys must either live at the gym, build a Fortune 500 empire or be funny. "Sense of humor" is a perennial Playboy centerfold turn-on. When ladies want some action, they just have to sit back and have vaginas. But for the exceptions that make the rule, check out the "Oregon Women's Comedy Festival." And even if they're not funny, it's a good place to pick up chicks. Lane Community College, 4000 E 30th Ave., Eugene, 688-1674. 6-10 pm Friday, 9 am-3:15 pm Saturday, Nov. 10-11. $40 Friday performance; $60 full conference. All ages.

SATURDAY, NOV. 11

Box Office Flop

Portland's own Flying Focus Video Collective is celebrating its "15th Busiversary"—which is liberal talk for wasted time. Fifteen years of progressive documentary filmmaking will culminate in a cable access marathon. But the non-profit collective is partying for its 15th birthday anyway. There'll be food and Flying Focus documentary screenings, all for free—though it welcomes gifts of cash and video equipment. Who doesn't? But give them something, if only to keep their heads out of the oven. And, uh, fight the power? Portland Community Media, Studio A, 2766 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 239-7456. 6-10 pm. Free. All ages.

Next Month: Ninjas vs. Gymnasts

It's an epic clash between the warriors of sea and sky. It's "Vikings vs. Spacemen." The heated battle between these sworn enemies (check out drunkenrampage.com for the full back story) jumps off at the Ash Street Saloon. From there, it zigzags across town, stopping only for piñatas, doughnuts, trivia and breakdancing. And horrific bloodshed, of course. Battle ax or ray gun? The decision is yours. Ash Street Saloon, 225 Ash St., 226-0430. 3 pm. Free. 21+

SUNDAY, NOV. 12

Service for the Service

Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Iran—right now, the world seems dangerous and confusing. And increasingly militant. As America decides how and when to use its own military, a little history can help. The Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery's "Veterans' Day Celebration" will honor American soldiers since the birth of our country. America's military triumphs and losses will be remembered with period costumes and flags. And a drum-and-fife corps will set the somber tone. Perhaps considering America's military history—the great victories and the great sacrifices—can put out own violent time in perspective. Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery, between Southeast 20th and 26th avenues and Morrison and Stark streets, 797-1700. 2 pm. Free. All ages.

A Drip In the Bucket

Turn your glitchy laptop, caffiene addiction and bad perm into a good thing. Wired Coffee is giving away espresso drinks, haircuts and computer help—for whatever you can afford to donate—all to benefit one of the shop's baristas, who is unlucky enough to have Hodgkin's Disease but not insurance. Go get pretty, tech-savvy and caffeinated—you'll do it anyway, so do it for a good reason. Wired Coffee, 2035 SE 39th Ave., 230-0302. Noon-6 pm. With donation. All ages.

MONDAY, NOV. 13

Ever Heard of an Islam Tree?

Pioneer Square is getting a 75-foot Christ—er, nondenominational holiday tree. On Nov. 24, this evergreen symbol of secularism will be strung with "diversity lights" and lit up like a...it will be bright, OK? Pioneer Courthouse Square, Southwest 6th Avenue and Morrison Street, 223-1613. Noon. Free. All ages.

TUESDAY, NOV. 14

The Truth About Nerds

Darth Vader is the true hero of the Star Wars trilogy. Surprised? Grab your nerd boots, 'cause Ian Waite, a.k.a. Illion Maybe, is gonna knock your orthopedic socks off. At "The Skywalker Paradigm," you'll see that Luke is just an abnormally short guy with a crush on his sister. Yoda is an old leper who can't even master the English language, let alone the "Force." And Han is doing Chewie. I don't know if that's bestiality, but it's not right. So come to the Know and learn something totally useless and probably untrue. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St, 473-8729. 7 pm. Free. 21+.