How Do Cannabis Judges Pick the Winners?

Judging cannabis is tough work. At least if you want to be serious about it—the only way to do justice to the growers in next week's Cultivation Classic.

The festival is the world's first competition for cannabis grown in soil and without the synthetic pesticides and mineral salt fertilizers that much of the industry relies on. It's sponsored by Willamette Week and Farma, and is open to the public—there's even a beer tent.

And so, when judging, I tried to follow the instructions carefully: I used my Pax every night at about the same time and while in basically the same mood. I abstained from alcohol while judging. I took copious notes.

After two weeks of focus and discipline, I wanted to know how the other judges fared with their own randomized samples. So I called up two of my fellows and set up a porch sesh. Both are experienced cannabis users and prominent advocates for sustainability within their respective fields.

At the request of one judge, they have been given aliases from the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.

Phineas Phreak is a sativa man who says indica-dominant strains tend to make him "grumpy." He uses a Pax regularly, and his favorite strain discovery since legalization was Sweet Pink Grapefruit purchased from Blue Sky. Dealer McDope uses both, but tends to prefer heavy indica strains. He grows Nine Pound Hammer at home, and recently switched to an organic system. McDope usually smokes joints, and found the vaporizer produced milder effects than he's used to.

If you want to sample the stuff we did, come to the Cultivation Classic on Saturday, April 30. You need not be as disciplined as we were, and you don't need to take any notes.

WW: Did you have access to everything you wanted before legalization, or did you just get what your guy had?

Phineas Phreak: I always had better weed than all my friends, but I didn't have any choice in what I got. I just happened to have a friend who is really good at it. It wasn't until after legalization that I really began to understand the differences between indicas and sativas, and different flavors and aromas and effects. I became more scientific and, generally, picky.

McDope: I equate it to the fact that I learned a ton about beer when I worked at Belmont Station once upon a time, because you're just sitting there staring at—back then there were 400 beers. You bring a different one home every day, and you learn a lot by experience. I think it's the same thing with marijuana now with the dispensaries. I remember when the dispensaries opened up, I went in and it was exciting, like, 'Wow, now I can finally identify specific things.' Just checking them out individually, you learn quite a bit in a hurry.

How did this compare to judging something else, like beer?

Phreak: I've never really judged anything like this, and the experience of judging has really helped me feel more confident talking about what something smells like, and what it tastes like.

McDope: I've never judged cannabis, though I've definitely approached aroma qualities in cannabis from an interested perspective. That part was really similar to what we do beer-judging-wise. The taste thing was a little trickier, I thought. And the effect was just screwy because you really have to wait it out. I would notice sometimes that it hits you right away, but other times not. You had to give it at least an hour, if not a couple hours, to really judge it properly based on the effect. I tried to do it at the same time every day and in the same mindset, which was tough. I was doing them all the exact same way at the same time to try to keep the variables at a minimum.

That's what I thought was tough—I was doing it about 10 pm, and you fill the vaporizer up with something and you have no idea what sort of ride you're signing up for. You get some idea based on the aroma and appearance, but there are surprises, and you might be wired for the next three hours or immediately zonked out.

Phreak: I'm glad I mostly had a box of sativa, but the one indica I had made me an asshole for, like, two days. The problem with that one was that it tasted the best of all of them, so I went back for more.

And what did you think of the samples?

McDope: I was surprised at how subtle the aromas were throughout. Some of them were strong, but most of them were very subtle.

Phreak: I didn't think they were very strong overall. The stuff in my stash is much stronger and smells much better. Scent-wise, I only had a couple fives for aroma, and I only had a couple fours.

McDope: Likewise—no fives. I was surprised after going into a dispensary for the first time and then walking into a grow shop—they have all these weird, I don't know what they're called, but they're, like, flavor enhancers. There's one that will drive berry aromas in the pot, one that will drive citrus aromas in the pot. They can say that it's all natural all they want, but that's bullshit. That shouldn't be there, as whether it's natural or not. I was weirded out. I remember thinking about how I had some weed that smelled just like raspberry and it probably had a bunch of this shit in it. Because it shouldn't smell that much like raspberries. It just shouldn't. If you're doing it legit and organic, it's going to be more subtle.

Were there standouts?

Phreak: There was one Super Silver Haze that I loved.

How do you know it was Super Silver Haze?

Phreak: Because it was. I could tell from the smell. I Googled it and looked the sample up and, yup, Super Silver Haze. It was great—super-conversational. But I also had samples where I wrote "this smells kinda poopy, and it also smells a little like skunks."

McDope: I had one particular standout that smelled good, was cured really well and was really strong. I felt like a lot of them were on the tame side. I smoke joints at home and I probably have a relatively high tolerance, so it's hard to say. If I was going to do it again, I'd probably do a joint of all of them instead of vaporizing.

GO: The Cultivation Classic is at the North Warehouse, 723 N Tillamook St., on Saturday, April 30. Noon-6 pm. $40. Tickets on sale. 21+.

Willamette Week