Thanksgiving was a week ago, and my girlfriend and I are just now finishing our remaining leftovers.
Like any red-blooded American household, we started on round two of our annual holiday gorging shortly after our celebratory post-dinner nap. Round three came the following morning. By round five, we'd started running out of sides and divvying up the remaining turkey into various sandwiches and salads.
God bless whatever brilliant bastard decided mixing meat and mayonnaise could constitute a salad.
I've pretty much been in a food coma since Turkey Day, but on the rare occasion that I do managed to put down my fork full of stuffing and pick up a paper, it's mostly shitty news.
Trump retweeted something bigoted, but that's no surprise. At this point, Trump doing something hateful is about as shocking as a bear shitting in the woods or a Hollywood star being outed as a sexual predator.
Also unsurprisingly, Republicans have continued tinkering on their bullshit tax reform.
After failing three times to repeal Obamacare, senate Republicans have added a repeal of the individual mandate to buy health insurance to their tax plan. Apparently, the GOP is hoping that the fourth time's the charm. But you know what they say: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And again. And again. Until, in Mitch McConnell's case, you've been trying for so long that you've completely forgotten what it is you're fighting for and allowed the sands of time to wither you away into nothing but a hollowed skin flap of your former self.
There's a good chance this tax bill won't get through every hurdle, but I wouldn't rule the Republicans out just yet. After all, if Trump's presidency has proven anything, it's that the GOP is great at taking a bad idea that endangers millions of lives and finding a way to force it upon us without our consent.
Speaking of which, alleged kiddie diddler Roy Moore is still running for office. And if being inundated with Christmas music before the start of December wasn't enough, nothing rings in the holiday spirit like seeing bible thumpers using the Nativity as an excuse for pedaphilia.
That's a shitty defense for several reasons, but namely because Joseph and Mary never hooked up. God got Mary pregnant. That's the whole reason Christmas is a holiday and not just some Arab dude's birthday. It also raises some questions as to why an ageless, all-powerful being impregnated a child.
Thinking about the logistics really throws off the merriment, which is why when I celebrate Christmas, I stick to Santa. At least he only gives kids things they specifically asked for.