Gayberry, R.F.D.

[August 1st, 2001] Think Portland has the lock on queer life ?

Well, guess what? You're so wrong!

The far-off hills of our fair state are alive with the sound of show tunes. The recent U.S. Census gave this former myth/present fact some much needed street cred. As covered in the July 22 edition of The Sunday Oregonian, there are homo couples in all but three of the state's 21 reported census tracts. But sadly, the O only went as far as Forest Grove to report on a couple of queers who don't hold hands when they walk down the street (most of us don't even do that in P-town!). The Big O's story balanced things out a bit more by mentioning the report didn't truly reflect the queer population because it left out individual gays and lesbians.

By turning their nose on singles, the census really didn't do justice by our tax dollars. For all the money they've spent tracking people, the doorknockers could have at least told us where small-town homos go to hook up.

After doing some "research," I dug up a website called cruisingforsex.com. It features out-of-the-way queer haunts from all over the world--including Oregon.

It seems queer village people, despite being cooped up in tiny, Out-lined birdcages, actually do have a few opportunities to let their freak feathers fly (and it's not by driving to the big city). Many of these just-off-the-highway-hotspots may not be the healthiest outlets for homosexual behavior, but they're still outlets.

For example, who knew that Pendleton had four places to saddle up (apparently Roy Raley Park is buckaroo central during the Round Up) or that Talent, Ore., had so much "talent"? According to the website, our distinguished state capital could be described as a homo anthill--with all sorts of busy boys lobbying their efforts at both Bush and Holman Parks. Other unlikely glory-hole hideouts include Astoria, The Dalles and, believe it or not, the hate-filled bastions of K-Falls and Springfield.

Beyond specific locales, the site also offers what amount to blow-by-blow commentaries. The listing for a Medford pit stop sounds like something off a buffet menu: "quite a wide variety...from curious young men to scary truckers to Mexican meat to older men." It also makes sure to tell the reader if there is another kind of "action" to avoid (i.e. cops or bashers).

I know it's not a true measure of queer life in small-town Oregon, and it doesn't do anything for our lesbian friends, but I bet you a lot more queer folk would want to know just where to connect long before they would actually read the census report.