OF MEN AND MANDALS

[May 22nd, 2002] The only guy who ever looked good in sandals was Jesus. So boys, your spring style mantra should be: no mandals. "Mandals" are those top-stitched, clod-soled, brass-buckled strappy affairs that forge an unholy aesthetic blend of gladiator, salary man and hippie. Modest men (and heavy perspirers) wear them with birkenstockings--you know, those wheaty hiking socks. Preying on man's congenital haplessness below the knees, these pernicious dog togs are promiscuously available at mall kiosks and factory outlets. Resist. Rethink.

Cast a cold appraising eye on your shoes, boys. Omitting the usual bilge of corroded sneakers and wear-'em-once funeral oxfords, are your shoes prepared to carry you into your fabulous, fun-clogged summertime? Think of the catamaran cruises, the dinner dates, those frisky croquet matches in the gloaming. Do you consider flip-flops the summit of your shoe horizon? Read on for footwear recommendations that suit every soirée in your social calendar.

Vehicle: Bacco Bucci Patrick dress sneaker

Description: Blue leather is layered with vented, bone-toned mesh for a savvy, spectator-esque shoe that's part sneaker, part snake in the grass. Neutral laces and coordinating topstitching add class. A rubber athletic-tread sole provides expanded turf traction (things can get pretty slippery in the bushes).

Wear with: Slouchy, overlong chinos and a who-me expression.

Wear at: Tipsy, impromptu make-out sesh in the arbor vitae at a garden wedding.

Tare: $160, Oddball Shoes, 1639 NW Marshall St., 827-7800.

Vehicle: Cydwoq Trek shoe

Description: Designer Rafi Balouzian sews these sinewy handmade sandals with leather seams out, creating a tough, textured shoe with the airiness of a sandal, the discretion of a dress clog, and the architecture of a Hobbit villa. In black or tan.

Wear with: Creased Tencel trousers, a white button-down (untucked after 4), and a Eurobeer (Beck's doesn't count).

Wear at: Corporate offsite meeting.

Tare: $176, Halo Shoes, 1425 NE Broadway, 331-0366.

Vehicle: Leather flip-flop sandal

Description: If you're dearly attached to the toe-lacerating, arch-flattening sadomasochistic sensation of thongs, these leather dress-ups bring citified cool to a traditional beachy look. Simply constructed of a leather-lined sole and self-strapping, this breezy, versatile shoe cures feet of that not-so-fresh feeling. *No guarantees on odor.

Wear with: Brokedown corduroys and a really expensive designer T-shirt stippled with "distressed" screenprinting.

Wear at: Baby's first barbecue.

Tare: $58, Banana Republic, 710 SW Yamhill St., 274-7963, and other locations.

Vehicle: Kenneth Cole Conquest shoe

Description: A sophisticated trainer, the Conquest blends white leather athletic styling with a slick, breathable red mesh for an effect that's techy and sporty without being ravey or geeky. Word to the wary: Red shoes on men are sexy. Advice to the oversized: If your feet are gigantic, these canoes may clown-ify you.

Wear with: Linen whites, too-tight ministripe polo, Grandfather's Elgin wristwatch.

Wear at: A bristling, seven-set round of lawn tennis with your "intense" brother-in-law.

Tare: $139, Johnny Sole, 815 SW Alder St., 225-1241.

Vehicle: Shoes of the Fisherman

Description: Feeling Christlike? These thongs by CSO Industries have the reverse of "Jesus" and "Loves You" molded into their soles, so you impart the gospel with each step in the sand. Made in a "clean, Christian-owned" factory in Thailand, these simple schooners come in classic two-tone blue. "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" (Romans 10:15).

Wear with: Humble robes and a staff.

Wear at: Beachside baptisms, flits across dewy grass.

Tare: $19.95, www.shoesofthefisherman.com.