Savage Dining

[October 15th, 2003] Bite Club knows you're rarin' to rip into our fancy new restaurant guide, but our stylish booklet contains suggestions on where to go for fine dining, not how to actually wine and dine someone--which is the real reason to eat out, right? No worries. The Bite has you covered with our date-night advice.

I need to figure out if my co-worker, Mr. Sexy but Staid Suit, is really my Mr. Mattress Adventurer in disguise. Where can I take him to shock the corporate pants off him?

Test his continental cachet with an overseas dining experience. At Moroccan palace Marrakesh (1201 NW 21st Ave., 248-9442), dainty dandies won't survive the hands-only dining policy, while oceanic goodies like sea cucumber and geoduck at authentic Chinese joints Legin (8001 SE Division St., 777-2828) or Om Seafood (7632 SE Powell Blvd., 788-3128) show you exactly what he's willing to put in his mouth.

I am in love--slippery, dirty, wonderful love. But my would-be sex slave isn't feelin' it. What restaurant will make my lovely want to rip my clothes off--with her teeth?

When it's all about mood and booze, slink over to Colosso (1932 NE Broadway, 288-3333). If you can snag one of the tapas bar's velvet-curtained, private tables, panty-soaking is only a plate of Spanish olives away. Still unsatisfied? Chinatown lounge East 's roomy, floor-to-ceiling mirrored bathrooms and mod cocktails should seal the deal (322 NW Everett St., 225-1569).

Screw your guide's spendy, chi-chi places. Where can I get super-swank for a steal?

A memorable white-tablecloth experience for two comes with a pricey tag. But, lucky-lucky, from now until Nov. 6, you can score a three-course prix fixe dinner for $25 at really classy restaurants like The Heathman (1001 SW Broadway, 790-7752), Wildwood (1221 NW 21st Ave., 248-9663) and Cafe Azul (112 NW 9th Ave., 525-4422), thanks to Portland's second 25 for 25 program, in effect Sundays through Thursdays. (Drinks and dessert not included, tightwad.)

My boyfriend feels like a freakin' wimp picking at the bitsy finger food at small-plate bars. Were can we get a macho man meal?

Try der Rheinlander (5035 NE Sandy Blvd., 288-5503), for a hog heaven of sausages, veal schnitzel and stein after stein of beer; also included are polka and accordion music. For Saturday Night Fever-era machismo, steakhouse classic Ringside (2165 W Burnside St., 223-1513) has you covered, or go gangster style at Morton's Steakhouse (213 SW Clay St., 248-2100).

I want to come out--in style.

Crush (1412 SE Morrison St., 235-8150) is out, all right: A snug wine boite where video-screen drag queens man the bathroom and, in the summer months, a waiter has been known to serve in a loincloth. Red wine and handmade pasta should ensure a gay evening for all. If the family's still not getting the picture, try a round of Cabana Boy-and-Cokes and gay bingo at Old Town rainbow room Fox and Hounds (217 NW 2nd Ave., 243-5530).