Entertain Like a Queen!

[December 10th, 2003] Forget Martha and the oh-so-fabulous Fab Five. Give me a old-fashioned drag queen for spreading on just the right amount of glitz and glam to any festive holiday occasion.

Someone a lot like Lotta Marie Liquor. Lotta loves nothing better than to throw a big shindig--especially during the holidays--and she understands better than anyone that a Christmas tree is nothing more than a tall, woody plant that's really well-accessorized.

And this season finds her busier than ever.

Back 'round Halloween, Lotta earned the title of "Her Most Imperial Majesty the Vibrant Rose Empress XLVI" by Portland's Imperial Sovereign Rose Court. Spelled out in non-queer terms, that means for the next year, she's the queen of the local drag scene. She will spend many nights dressed in tights and a tiara, as local luminaries Darcelle XV and Poison Waters have done.

But unlike Darcelle and Poison, who spend a good part of their lives performing for fans onstage in nightclubs, Lotta does most of her entertaining behind the bar. Specifically, Southwest Portland's Commodore Lounge. For the past decade, this 41-year-old New Year's baby (a.k.a. Dwayne Witzel) has been getting up early to serve as its morning bartender and owner.

In a conversation at a Southwest Stark Street queer bar on a recent Sunday afternoon, Lotta talked about her new "paint" job. "It's an expensive hobby," she admits. But Lotta's gotta do what Lotta's gotta do.

That means getting ready for the more than 125 guests who will join her for her upcoming holiday bash. Not one to panic in such situations, the Empress offers the following list of "Lotta's Seven Golden Rules to a Really Great Party."

1. Lotta Style. "I love themes. Christmas is my favorite, but I hate Halloween."

2. Lotta Liquor. "A party isn't a Lotta party without a fully stocked liquor cabinet." Lotta prefers hers to be loaded with Bailey's, Kahlua and Grand Marnier for her fave booze bomber, a B-52.

3. Lotta Food. "Ditch making stuff from scratch and just make a quick trip to Costco." She suggests mini-quiche, cream puffs and "that really tasty artichoke dip."

4. Lotta Foo-Foo. "Presentation is everything. Just like drag queens sprinkle themselves with jewels to look pretty, you should also sprinkle your party platters with pretty stuff like powdered sugar."

5. Lotta Friends. "I'm all inclusive," Lotta says. She invites everyone to her parties, no matter how hot/ugly, gay/ straight or rich/poor they are.

6. Lotta Laughs. "No one ever fights at a Lotta party," says the Empress, who considers herself a "catalyst" for a good time. Living by the motto "more is more," Lotta makes sure everything is overflowing at her parties--including good times.

7. Lotta Fun and Fundraising. Besides good times, Lotta makes sure good cheer is also in abundance. That's why many of her soirees benefit queer-friendly organizations like Our House, Camp Starlight (see page 12) and other worthwhile organizations.

Which all adds up to a whole Lotta fun. But that leaves me with just one burning question: Where the hell is my invite?