Separating the dirt from the doo.

[February 4th, 2004] * In addition to discovering new options in nipple enhancement and the hidden peril of the four-hour erection, Super Bowl viewers ogled the work of two Portland creative firms. America Online, desperate to stanch a biblical exodus of subscribers, lavished an estimated $10 million on Wieden & Kennedy's ads featuring the motorcycling Teutul clan. Meanwhile, local auteurs Food Chain Films put their stamp on the Bud ad featuring racecar driver Dale Earnhardt Jr.

* Grocery giant Fred Meyer has long sparred with activists over whether petition signature-gatherers can operate on FM property. The grocer won the latest round last week, as the Oregon Court of Appeals ruled in its favor, deciding Freddy's had the right to ban petitioners at its Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard location. That doesn't mean the company is wholly satisfied--the court refused to decide the underlying constitutional question of whether private property can ever be used by petitioners without owners' permission.

* Immigrant body-builder seeks major office. Sound familiar? Think again! As detailed in a heartbreaking Sunday Oregonian story, the Oregon Republican Party is flailing for statewide candidates. (Call 587-9233 to express your condolences.) Enter Pavel Goberman! The Beaverton-based Russian transplant and fitness guru is the only Republican (so far) to challenge Democratic U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden. Goberman appears set to wage a vigorous populist campaign. His meticulous platform calls for an end to oil dependence, free marriage licenses on demand, and (apparently) the legalization of dueling. Goberman declares himself both pro-choice and pro-life, and is eager to step on to the national stage. "President Bush needs my brain," he writes. Don't we all think that sometimes? Check out his nascent campaign at www.getenergized.com/vote.

* Portland bibliophiles are mourning the imminent closure of Water Tower Books, a longtime Johns Landing books dealer. Debbie Rehn, sister of co-owner Greg Rehn, says recent changes in the tenant mix at the Water Tower complex on Macadam spelled the end of the shop. "It used to be two-thirds retail, but now offices dominate," she says. "There just isn't the foot traffic you need to sustain a store." Greg Rehn and partner Doug Hawkins intend to continue their online operations at www.abebooks.com. The shop goes out swinging with a sale starting Feb. 4. Call 228-0290 for more info.

* Portland entrepeneur Scott Brunton has his hands full these days. Monthly Doos, his extremely (some might say disturbingly) popular calendar featuring photos of dog crap, is sold-out after mentions on The Tonight Show and CNN. Now, Dreamworks has drafted Doos as a promotional device for the comedy Envy, a forthcoming Ben Stiller-Jack Black vehicle. Word is the studio stumbled upon Brunton's work via the unerring aesthetic genius of Steven Spielberg, who passed the gag gift on to Dreamworks' promotional peeps. Brunton says one studio rep said of the calendar's hypnotic appeal, "Truth is stranger than fiction."

* Animal sympathizers can finally gripe to the Oregon Fish & Wildlife Commission about what they see as a grave mammalian injustice. Currently, state law forces those who catch critters with traps to check snares every 48 hours--unless their intended quarry is a predator (like a coyote). Some say this leaves unfortunate animals to linger in traps for days or weeks. This Friday, OF&W will reconsider the regs during an 8 am meeting at Portland Expo Center. Critter advocates hope to unleash a monumental wave of animal empathy.