The Plaintiff & Me

[February 2nd, 2005] Martinez v. Kulongoski:

The lead plaintiff in the legal challenge against Measure 36 is named Martinez. As in Juan Martinez, my life partner/boyfriend/soulmate for the past 10 years.

Some people, especially those who want to see a certain voter-approved constitutional amendment stick, the one that states that in Oregon "only marriage between one man and one woman is valid or legally recognized as marriage," might assume that Juan was picked as one of the named plaintiffs because of me. After all, none of the other 22 people suing Gov. Ted Kulongoski live with someone who writes a weekly column for the state's second-largest newspaper.

But let me explain: He's not a plaintiff because of me. I'm part of this legal challenge because of him.

Every week, I use this column as a soapbox to write about what I think. Over the past five years, I've written a lot about Juan's relationship to me, about his family and friends. But I haven't written much about the man I love. Maybe that's because I know how important privacy is to Juan. And unlike me, he's always wanted to keep it that way.

That's how he felt, anyway, before the whole gay-marriage thing rolled into town.

From the get-go, Juan wanted to get married. He was excited to participate in the same ritual as so many of our friends and family. Since he knows that I have a hard time with change, he knew I might need convincing, particularly about timing. He was patient as I made up excuses about how "it would be better if we waited until the right moment."

Well, that moment has passed, hasn't it?

But now, with Basic Rights Oregon leading the way, we just might have a second chance at filing that joint tax return.

So that's why I'm here on the steps of the Marion County Courthouse, next to Juan, his sister, Sylvia, members of BRO's legal team and other plaintiffs, all of us in front of the newspaper and television reporters covering this Monday-morning press conference. Even though I've been to my share of media events, I'm not accustomed to crossing the journalistic line that puts me in front of cameras.

But again, this is about my support of Juan and his decision. For the past five years he has stood by me, as I tried to explain in public what it means to be gay, and in the process, became more and more willing to challenge the status quo. Sometimes, I know, it hasn't been easy for Juan to be in the spotlight.

Now it's my turn to watch. As Juan takes his turn in front of the press, I realize how much our lives are about to change. As he calmly explains his decisions to be named in this lawsuit, explains that this is his chance to fight to live in a state that guarantees equal rights for all Oregonians, I also realize, once again, how proud I am of him. And, sadly, how being gay and out in Oregon can still be considered an act of courage.