Goodbye To All That

[September 14th, 2005] It was the gays, according to the right-wing nut jobbers behind Repent America, that finally coaxed a scourge of epic proportions to smack our Southern shores into smithereens.

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated the Philadelphia-based evangelical organization's director Michael Marcavage. "From Girls Gone Wild to 'Southern Decadence,' [a gay event normally held over Labor Day weekend in the French Quarter], New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge," he continued. More recently, The 700 Club's resident terrorist Pat Robertson blamed Katrina on the choice of Ellen Degeneres to host the Emmys.

Now, what kind of bullshit is that?

Hell, I only wish homosexuals had the power to attract God's fury. Just imagine, if we gathered our efforts, what kind of natural disasters we could rain down upon the other red states (besides Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama)-not to mention Oregon House Speaker Karen Minnis, the Wicked Witch of Western Oregon, who made it impossible for our Legislature to vote on a civil union bill this session.

But Satan's minions we're not. While we can snap our necks in the direction of an oncoming hottie, we can't snap our fingers and make entire cities disappear. About the only thing we can do is write checks and wring our hands alongside everyone else as we watch the endless cycle of painful images. And I'm not just talking about the death and destruction, which is overwhelmingly tragic; I'm also talking about the blatant classism and racism that we've seen bubble up from Louisiana's stagnant, putrid waters.

Fact is, all of us stuck in a situation that doesn't follow what society has determined to be normal, those who aren't "white," "middle-class" and "straight" might as well admit that, as far as America is concerned, are disenfranchised-a nice way of saying we're fucked.

So no one's to blame for New Orleans' demise but a bunch of niggers, white trash and faggots. "Sin City" (for where else would you find such lowlife and decadence?) had it coming.

Let's face it, the never-ending good times that rolled through New Orleans proved to be just too much for the Puritanical hordes. And now, if we have a chance to rebuild the Big Easy, how much do you want to bet that former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, the man who killed the Big Apple's Times Square, will have some sort of important role to play?

No, there's not much to be jazzed about right now.