calling them as we see them

[May 22nd, 2002] WINNERS
1. Bad-debt merchant Andy Wiederhorn , who made his fortune from others' misfortune, could be the prime beneficiary of a stroke reportedly suffered by financial "wizard" Jeff Grayson, who recently copped a plea with the feds for his role in making $355 million in union pension funds vanish into thin air. Grayson may now be too ill to testify against Wiederhorn, his former protégé.

2. The pro-choice lobby scored a victory after the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court slammed the tactics of a handful of anti-abortion activists. In a 6-5 vote, the panel ruled that the First Amendment did not protect the graphic "Nuremberg Files" website, which listed personal information about abortion doctors--and put red lines through the names of those who had been assassinated.

3. The National Marine Fisheries Service and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service issued a joint report stating that the Port of Portland 's plans to deepen the Columbia River pose "no jeopardy" to endangered fish. Port officials are now on the lookout for a really big shovel.

LOSERS
1. We have no idea which of the two gubernatorial candidates will ultimately triumph in November. (With our press deadlines, we don't even know which two survived Tuesday's primaries!) But whoever it is, Oregon's next governor will inherit a nightmare: Early forecasts show Salem's deficit ballooning to $488 million (out of a total budget of $12 billion). And that could swell another $220 million if voters reject Measure 13's raid on the "rainy day" fund. Funny coincidence: Just last year, Salem refunded $200 million to taxpayers because of Oregon's moronic "kicker" law.

2. Grim tidings for HIV+ and AIDS patients. Citing budget shortfalls, the state Department of Human Services is freezing enrollment in a program to help sufferers buy anti-viral drugs (which can easily cost $10,000 a year). A surge in applicants paired with an acute case of deficititis (see above) delivered a potent double whammy to the $3.8 million program, which served 1,100 clients last year.

3. The long shadow of the Oregon Supreme Court fell across stalkers and other sinister types when the justices upheld a 1995 anti-stalking law. Their honors decided that a Corvallis man was "stalking" when he repeatedly freaked out an Oregon State University student by appearing at her library carrel and passing within a foot of her on otherwise empty sidewalks.