Gordon Smith

[August 18th, 2004] Things were slow down at the Rogue Desk last week--until we stumbled across a report that Oregon's junior senator, Republican Gordon Smith, had accused Democratic presidential challenger John F. Kerry of the ultimate sin--acting French.

"It's not John Kerry's fault that he looks French," Smith told the Los Angeles Times. "But it is his fault that he wants to pursue policies that have us act like the French. He advocates all kinds of additional socialism at home, appeasement abroad, and what that means is weakness for the future."

What le fucque? Of all the hysteria swirling around the invasion of Iraq, surely the lamest was the rush to denounce the home of Voltaire, coq au vin and frottage.

France, as you may remember, opposed the war on Iraq because of doubts about weapons of mass destruction. In retaliation, American conservatives demanded trade sanctions and turned up their noses at french fries.

Sixteen months and 11,000 dead Iraqis later, it turns out the French were right--the WMD's were a mirage.

Now, we don't like to point fingers, but have you ever noticed that Gordo, who reportedly hails from Pendleton, looks--well, a little Belgian? Or is it just his fondness for waffles?

He says socialism is icky. But last year, he voted for the most socialistic law in decades: the bill that provided $534 billion worth of prescription drugs to seniors.

He says France is weak. But last year, introducing the French ambassador at a Mormon fête in Washington, D.C., he praised France as America's "first ally."

Back in January, after a trip to Davos, Switzerland, Smith wondered aloud how America could persuade our European allies to "come with us" in the struggle against terrorism.

We're not sure, Gordo, but you could start by laying off le bullshit.