WILL WORK FOR...

[August 3rd, 2005] City Commissioner Sam Adams is hard at work these days, on a quest more fitting of a campaigner than a nearly $90,000-a-year City Council member.

Aiming to log 100 hours at Portland's most common jobs, Adams recently bagged fries at Burgerville, lugged bags at PDX and hawked flooring.

Adams calls his nomad's tour an effort to connect with the city's working class. We're all for it-in fact, here are some other typical Portland gigs we'd like to see the rookie commish take on:

Local business owner. Sam will whine incessantly about taxes and fees, blow disputes with bureaucrats out of proportion, threaten to move to Washougal, then complain that Portland has an "anti-business" attitude.

Local artist. Sam will get totally high and complain about gentrification.

Local arts administrator. Sam will stage a series of money-losing events while paying himself a healthy salary. He will quit, bitch about "lack of community support" in an Oregonian interview and move to Houston.

Web designer. Sam will move back in with his parents.

"Community activist." Sam's parents will kick him out.

Portland Tribune distributor. Sam will pass out free copies of Portland's fastest-shrinking newspaper. During the first 15 minutes of his day, he'll also write Dwight Jaynes' sports column.

Stumptown barista. At Portland's premier local coffeehouse, Sam will mock anyone who orders a Frappuccino. He will then take August off to tour.

City commissioner. Sam will forgo campaign-style photo-ops in his first year as commissioner while he tackles the unglamorous labor that falls to Portland's City Council.