Rock You Like A Hurricane

[August 30th, 2006] As one of the last contestants remaining on Rock Star: Supernova, it's just a matter of days (or—SPOILER ALERT!—maybe hours) before we find out if PDX's most notorious rock chick/lounge-core singer, Storm Large, ends up fronting a rock band that includes Mötley Crüe's Tommy Lee and some other dino-rockers, or if she'll be heading back home to P-town to a response that just might rival the Blazermania of '77.

For now, though, the 37-year-old buxom blonde is sitting poolside, in Los Angeles, at the mansion where the "rockstars" are sequestered when they're not performing in front of a television audience. It's Monday, the day after taping, and she's taking calls from the press, including me. Here's our conversation (a much longer and filthier version is available at localcut.com).

Queer Window: Can I cry? I'm so happy to talk to you.

Storm Large: Oh, don't cry, honey! I'm good. I get spanked now and then. But you know me—I fucking love spankings.

How much do you tone it down for TV?

I don't. I'm always myself. But I've been struggling with one—actually two things. Physically, I struggle with how they're trying to dress me. I'm more comfortable playing rock music wearing Chuck Taylors, tight pants and a little dress. I like to rock out, sweat and be disgusting. They're trying, to quote a stylist, "to get me to lose my dick."

Wow!

I was like, "You can have my dick, but you can't take my Balls."

Gays are the only ones who can say that.

Exactly. I'll pick something out, and [the gay stylist] will say, "Are you sure you sure you don't have a dick?" [To which Storm says] "I totally have a dick, and it's huge!" He wants me to look good. But this week, I hit the wall. After taping, I said, "I'm not wearing these shoes...and this thing again. I'm going to dress like I would if I were in my rock band. And it isn't like this."

So what about your tits and ass?

[Producers say] "Look, you have a beautiful body, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you showing some of it." And I say, "I'm not going out like that. No. I'm a fucking singer. I don't want to go out like that." Tommy Lee keeps saying, "I want to see you naked!" That's Tommy, he says that to everybody. He even says that to the boys. But the biggest emphasis I've gotten out of this is to be yourself. I've just got to put my foot down and say, "I'm wearing my Chucks, my jeans and a tight wife-beater." And, goodnight Francine, that's what I'm doing.