August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”27 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”15 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[October 11th, 2006] "So, do you think I can sue TriMet for this?" my passenger asks.
"Sue them for what?"
"Well, I was sitting there for well over an hour. The last bus just never came."
I ponder this. "Sue them for what, exactly?"
"The cost of paying you, of course."
"Certainly. I'll write you a receipt."
"Can you put the time on it?"
"Yes, ma'am."
So far, we're just perhaps one standard deviation out of the ordinary, but we're about to start heading into serious outlier territory. "There's also the value of an hour of my time. My time is worth something." Looking at her, I'm thinking that an hour of her time usually equals an hour of television accompanied by an entire box of Ding-Dongs. But that would be unkind. "Certainly, ma'am, time is money," I almost sing.
She agrees, vehemently, which is when I realize she's opened a bag of Cheetos; her vehemence sends forth a little orange spray to brighten up the upholstery. "Then there's the danger to my life, making me sit for an hour in a neighborhood like that" (37th and Belmont). "The trauma, just sitting there thinking of what could happen to a lone woman like myself at this hour. They should pay for that as well, goddammit!"
She asks me for the police non-emergency number, which I give her. What I wish I had was an Incipient Schizophrenia Hotline number. Pity there isn't one. I'm sure we all know at least one person who would benefit.
Story continues below
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RECENT COMMENTS ON “So, do you think I can sue TriMet for this?”
Yay for troll! Keep riding that joke and lets see see how far it takes us! No, seriously, I'm not making fun of _you_ in the slightest. You just make me laugh every time you turn up...
Holman's is da bomb! Love this column--I always turn to the back page first when I get my a WW. Keep 'em coming!
37th & Belmont isn't safe!
Pleazeeeee!
Send that woman down to Dallas, Texas, with it's high crime rate and understaffed PD, that'd give her some appreciation for...
pfft. she ought to live in Sparks/Reno area in Nevada...seedy, dangerous...addicts, prostitutes, serial killers and pedophiles...all kinds of nasty things you can think of on the streets down there..I...
