Separating frisky sheep from clothes horses.

[November 8th, 2006] WINNERS

Gay sheep have someone behind them. And, no, it's not a ram or a lonely farmer. Last week, tennis great Martina Navratilova asked the presidents of OHSU and OSU to stop their universities' experiments into which rams are more interested in mounting rams instead of ewes.

Some call it free speech; others call it free money for political consultants and printing companies . If collected in one pile, the avalanche of last-minute political mailers in the run-up to this week's election would rival Mount Hood in height and the Arlington landfill in content. Whatever the measurement, it spells big bucks for the producers.

Nostalgia-lovers aching for a big ol' burger need only salivate until March. In news sure to alarm present-day health scolds, The Oregonian reports that a new rock 'n' roll-themed cafe channeling the long-lamented and -defunct landmark Yaw's burger restaurant will open next year on the corner of Northeast 42nd Avenue and Sandy Boulevard.

LOSERS

The Portland Police Bureau can thank Multnomah County Sheriff Bernie Giusto for taking heat away from their handling of the James Chasse death. A report released by the district attorney's office found Giusto's jails are FUBAR. Lowlights include skyrocketing costs, poor supervision and sick-leave abuse.

Attention, fashion police! Knee-high socks with shorts is a major "don't" this season. The Oregonian reports that officials at Miller East Education Center, an alternative school in Hillsboro, recently suspended a Latino student for donning those duds, claiming the student's choices were possibly "gang-related."

Since school officials in Hillsboro are so worried about a little knee, it's good they weren't at Lincoln High School's superheroes-themed dance last month. According to the Portland Tribune, 150 to 200 girls violated Lincoln's dress code with costumes like Wonder Woman or a Victoria's Secret model. What MTV-infused, Abercrombie-porn-loving planet are these girls from? Don't they know it's what's in their hearts that matters?