CHEAP EATS: Pizza Places

[March 28th, 2007] This may be the wrong place to say it, this being a cheap-eats guide and all, but sometimes don't you just want to fill your gut without having to deal with a bunch of surly waiters and screaming children? There's only one solution—pizza!

Artisans aside, the best pizza to be had in this burg, hands-down, is the no-frills Manhattanite pie at Escape from New York . The secret? The musclebound dough-flingers sprinkle a fine layer of hostility and disdain over each and every slice. Grab a slice at the counter ($2.25-$2.75), or call ahead to pick up a large ($14.50 and up) to feed a crowd.

Living life way after midnight? Call Hammy's! This Clinton Street carryout joint has cornered the insomniac market by boldly taking pizza where it's never gone before—namely the streets of Portland between midnight and 4 am. And—get this—Hammy's pies (16-inch $13-$17, $1-$2 delivery fee) are good!

Want a little more class with your cheese? Brand-new North Portland spot Pizza Fino has a large sit-down menu of pasta and sandwiches, served in a glossy dining room—but who cares? Call ahead and pick up a tasty, thin-crusted pizza topped with local, organic goodies from pancetta to pine nuts, and be happy.

Of course, sometimes you just want some goddamn pepperoni, and you want it delivered. Like, right now. If you're kickin' it in Southeast, call up Stark Naked Pizza and they'll be at your door with a decent slab of cheesy, spicy goodness in 20 minutes flat. On a Friday. For serious.

Then again, maybe good pizza isn't really what you had in mind. Maybe what you really need is a heart-stopping mess of grease to stuff down your drunken maw after you've stumbled out of an early-evening drinking session at Virginia Cafe. That's why God gave us Rocco's (949 SW Oak St., 223-9835), where you can get a barely edible heap of cheese and tomato paste as big as a toddler for $2.75. Until midnight. Rocco's also delivers, but, like, eww.