August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”27 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”15 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[May 2nd, 2007] "So where we headed tonight, sir?"
"Scanning..."
"Excuse me?"
"Scanning..."
"Sir?"
"48th and Glisan."
The man I've picked up at the bar around 67th and Glisan is pretty dodgy-looking and speaks with the clipped tones of an autistic. It's difficult to determine how drunk he is. As I begin driving west, I punch buttons on the MDT to tell it I'll be dropping off soon.
"Let me put in the cheat codes," he says.
"Huh?"
"I can make it so we do an insane stunt bonus."
"No insane stunt bonus in this car, man. I lose points for that."
"How about flying? I know the code that can make us fly."
"I'm not so good at the flying levels, and it's a short trip. Let's just drive."
"Scanning..."
This is by far the best conversation about Grand Theft Auto I've ever had (not that the list is terribly long). The ability to enter a cheat code into my mobile data terminal and suddenly be able to fly would be very handy in certain situations.
"Stop at the Plaid here."
I pull in so he can buy some beer and junk food, and then drive him home.
"You should have let me enter the cheat codes," he says with some wistfulness. He tips me 50 percent anyway.
Story continues below
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RECENT COMMENTS ON “"Scanning..."”
Inane and insipid. Wry warmth...hah. Verbatim recitation with zero insight or embellishment.
Who promised you insight or embellishment?
Well...several articles later I must now pronounce the new Night Cabbie as a great effing writer and I am onboard as fan!
Bad Cabbie has low cunning.
You picked me up about 3 weeks ago. I know it was you, but I'll never reveal how I know except that you set yourself up in the first two columns. The two are related by one single line. I'm sure you'r...
