[October 10th, 2007] [BENEFIT] When the Portland Trail Blazers traded talented-’n’-troubled forward Zach Randolph to the equally troubled New York Knicks on draft day, it was widely viewed as a win-win move. The Blazer brass got big ups for making good on its promise to put character before the win-loss column, and New York got a statistical bonanza who can take some of the media scrutiny off of Isiah Thomas’ own legal troubles and general craziness.

WW would like to thank the fine people of New York for taking Z-Bo off of our hands, putting one of the final nails in the “Jail Blazer” coffin (the verdict is still out on Darius Miles). And to pay our respects—er, show our support—in time for the Blazers’ pre-season home opener Wednesday against the Clippers , we’d like to send care packages comprising all your dusty Zach Randolph bobbleheads, jerseys, trading cards and (ahem) paraphernalia to a host of the Big Apple’s sports bars (and hopefully, we’ll sneak a few into the Garden itself). It’s our way of saying thank you to the organization that’s bold enough to put a headcase like Stephon Marbury and a man-child like Randolph on the same team . After we ship the goods, WW will keep you updated—both in print and on WWire—on the whereabouts and well-being of the Zach Pack. Good luck, Zach, and thank God for New York City .

1. Write a personalized note to the people of New York City (keep it clean, folks).

2. Put your Zach in the box. Put your note in the box. (Do not put your dick in the box.)

3. Either drop the box off at WW’ s offices, or send to ZACH-OFF! c/o Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include your name and email address with your return address so we can update you on the progress of the pledge drive.

4. We’ll send the Zach Pack to New York City, where our special correspondent will distribute the items and photograph them with their new owners. The results will be updated in WW and on WWire for your viewing enjoyment. Go team!

Pimp Your Zach

Bonus points for customizations (like this DIY Knicks version!)

WEDNESDAY OCT. 10

[MUSIC] GEORGE JONES
History will remember George Jones as one of the all-time greats: A guy whose trademark twang seems amplified straight from his heartstrings, even on the bad albums. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. 7:30 pm. $47.25-$54.25.

THURSDAY OCT. 11

[MUSIC] JUSTICE
This French duo has turned the dance music scene on its ear with pulsing synthesizer bass lines and catchy hooks—as well as crossover hit “D.A.N.C.E.” Every time you hear a Justice song, you say, “What the hell is that ?” That, my friends, is Justice. Holocene. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

FRIDAY OCT. 12

[SCREEN] PORTLAND LESBIAN AND GAY FILM FESTIVAL
Ten days of the queerest cinema in the city starts tonight with two films. Skip the brain-dead Curiosity of Chance and check out Guy Maddin’s wonderfully weird Brand Upon the Brain! —narrated live by Stephen Malkmus. Cinema 21. 7 pm. $8.

SATURDAY OCT. 13

[PARTY] ALTER EGOS
Enjoy your superhero fetish at a costume party to benefit p:ear, a local nonprofit that mentors homeless youth. Come see the super-endowed (with powers, pervert) engage in a spandex orgy of drinking and the inevitable super-hookup. Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th Ave. 708-0851. 8 pm Friday, Oct. 12. $7 supercitizens, $10 normal people. 21+. [MUSIC]MARITIME
Midwestern popsmith Davey von Bohlen penned innumerable all-time faves with seminal emo-pop outfit the Promise Ring. Now, with alternately rockin’ and loungy Maritime, he’s all growed up. Towne Lounge. 9:30 pm. $8. 21+.

SUNDAY OCT. 14

[PERFORMANCE] MET OPERA DISTRICT COMPETITION
Come for six hours of young and sexy vocal fireworks. Vote for your favorites. It may be the cheapest ticket you’ll ever pay for silver-throated satisfaction. PSU’s Lincoln Performance Hall, 620 SW Park Ave., 725-3307. 1 pm Sunday, Oct. 14. $10.

TUESDAY OCT. 16

[WORDS] ORHAN PAMUK
Portland Arts&Lectures kicks off its 2007 season with Turkish author Orhan Pamuk—last year’s Nobel Prize winner in Literature. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm. $26.