[October 15th, 2008]

With autumn weather finally starting to settle in, you can forget any notions of an Indian summer and expect a pretty rainy next couple of months. But what, you ask, should I wear to the gym? Fortunately, the House Committee at the Multnomah Athletic Club has outlined the appropriate dress code for entrance into their exclusive social institution, which opened in 1891 and is regarded as a “second home” for many members. And while the MAC offers some of the nicest facilities in the city, the dress code is, well, a bit peculiar.

According to this brochure, “the code aims to eliminate the awkward moment when members and guests in business suits find themselves on the Central Elevator with a member in a swimsuit and towel.” Since it’s hard to tell just what the two strapping young things at left (OK, maybe there’s your answer) are doing wrong, we’ve decided to make a handy annotated guide to appropriate the MAC’s style. Remember: “When in doubt, always err on the side of conservative dress.”

Break the rules and risk earning a demerit; a third violation will lead to a possible House Committee investigation.

NOT ALLOWED:

Men:
• Discounted Rite-Aid sandals, reppin’ for the Beavers.
• Showing your political affiliation with an Obama or McCain T-shirt. Opinions (like tempting, salacious flesh) make people feel uncomfortable.
• Who wears short shorts? Not the MAC!
Women:
• Self-expression, dressing like a hussy.
• Showing off one inch of the body you sculpt every day in the gym.
• Watching the film Pleasantville, where Reese Witherspoon’s character reads D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover, one of the dirtiest novels of the 20th century.

ALLOWED:

Men:
• Dress shoes? The point is to work out, right?
• Polo shirts. Don’t they know that the game first originated in Persia? How American is that? Does the MAC hate freedom?
• Pleated shorts that cover your kneecap. They can be baggy but not, you know, “urban.”
Women:
• Soccer-mom chic.
• Skirts suited for a woman twice your age.
• Dressing like Reese Witherspoon in Pleasantville. Apparently the committee still thinks it’s 1950.

^Headout Picks

Friday Oct. 17

[MUSIC] CAPPELLA ROMANA
Count on one of the city’s—and the world’s—finest choirs to refresh our ears with striking, ancient yet unfamiliar sounds from Eastern Europe and beyond. St. Mary’s Cathedral, 1716 NW Davis St., 205-0715. 8 pm Friday, Oct. 17. $15-$30.

[MUSIC] SUPER DIAMOND

Super Diamond is as close as you can get to the Jewish Elvis for a quarter of the price. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 9 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

Saturday Oct. 18

[MUSIC] KIMYA DAWSON, JONAH MATRANGA
Olympia yarn-spinner Kimya Dawson and San Francisco-based singer/songwriter/troubadour Jonah Matranga play a benefit for PDX’s Village Free School. Village Free School, 8660 SE Foster Road. 1 pm. Suggested donation of $5 for kids, $15 for adults.

[IMPROV] MEET YOUR _______!
Super Project Lab’s terrific talk show/improv comedy extravaganza returns, this time to the Winnie at PCPA. Guests for the first episode are 3rd Floor producer Ted Douglas and portraitist Gwen Seemel. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 224-4400. 8 pm Saturdays, Oct. 18-Nov. 22. $12.

Sunday Oct. 19

[FOOD] AUTUMN PASTA-MAKING COURSE
Chef Gabe Gabreski offers a series of pasta-making classes this fall, focusing on how to make everything from square-cut spaghetti alla chiarra to hand-filled pumpkin agnolotti. A Cena, 7742 SE 13th Ave., 206-3291. Noon-2:30 pm. Classes $45 each; $150 for full series. Visit acenapdx.com for info.

Tuesday Oct. 21

[STAGE] SPRING AWAKENING
The Tony-sweeping musical about 19th-century adolescence—with music by Duncan Sheik—hits town.Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 241-1802. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, 1 and 6:30 pm Sunday, Oct. 21-26. $23.50-$68.50.