It’s All About...Staying Warm

[November 26th, 2008]

Look outside that window of yours. See that? It’s called gray: the sweet, sweet hue of the Oregon sky. Winter is here, people! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving…but in America, the word “holiday” does not equal “rest.” And Thursday is just the starting point. Come Friday it’s on: You’ll be a) bum-rushing the malls (seriously, kids, they’re expecting you; please do it—we need your help to keep this economy running!); b) watching a parade; and/or c) rocking Pioneer Square during Portland’s ceremonial lighting of the Christmas tree. All with a tummy full of turkey and stuffing. For which your body will be using all available blood to digest. Which means you’re gonna need some help to stay toasty. But never fear, Consumer Whore is here! This is what you’ll need to stay warm.

The bearded bear look is in these days. Your underwear may as well match your Civil War-era facial hair, no? Plus, the flap is so...useful. Union suit. $10-$20. Andy and Bax, 324 SE Grand Ave., 234-7538, andyandbax.com.

It’s wool, it’s itchy and it’s makin’ a comeback: Oregon’s own Pendleton blanket. So use it for its original purpose. As a wrap. While riding a horse, I think. If you want. You get the picture. Pendleton blanket. $178. Canoe, 1136 SW Alder St., 889-8545, canoeonline.net.

Oh, come on. Who are you kidding? Vodka is good, clear and unscented. It keeps you warm inside and out. And it’s organic. Organic Elemental Vodka. $34.95. Uptown Liquor Store, 1 NW 23rd Place, 227-0338, and other local liquor stores. Sold at Highball Distillery, 610 SE 10th Ave., 803-3989, by appointment.

We’re just saying. Nympho’s Desire Arousal Balm. $9.99. Spartacus, 300 SW 12th Ave., 224-2604.

Boys need scarves, too! Especially if there are skulls on them. Angora scarf. $148. Finn Clothing, 132 NW 12th Ave., 467-4660.