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Drink
Memo
To:
League of Portland Drinkers
From:
The Committee to Promote Effective Consumption of
Alcohol in Public Places
Re:
The Approved List
It has come to our attention that there have been
questions of late as to the appropriate establishments
where LPD members may imbibe while meeting the highest
standards put forth by The Committee.
To remedy this situation we have created a List.
The following booklet contains information on public
houses of positive repute. The Committee firmly
and wholeheartedly stands behind these establishments.
These, the best bars in Portland, are categorized
for your convenience.
The catalog works as follows:
Category--this helps define what type if establishment
it is.
The following are all categories:
Booty Call: Mating takes first priority.
Brewpub: Chemical processes are used to formulate
beer on the premises.
Gay: Members of the third sex and their associates
frequent this
establishment.
Hipster: Populated with young, fashionable
folk.
Karaoke: Decked out with singing facilities.
Local Hangout: A neighborhood establishment.
Patio: Supplied with an outdoor drinking area.
Rump Shaking: Dancing and moving to music
is encouraged.
Sports: Matches of physical contests are absorbed
here.
Swank: Decorated with fancy trimmings.
UK: Appropriate nods to the United Kingdom
and its Imperial conquests.
Wine Bar: Designed with a decidedly vino focus.
We also offer each emporium's signature features
as a Best description.
The Specs highlight the appropriate dossier
content.
Seen & Heard provides an opportunity to
experience an actual encounter at each establishment.
For added education value, please note the instructions
on matching local microbrewery products with an array
of emotional states.
We on The Committee hope this booklet serves
you well as you navigate the confusing bloom of drinking
establishments in this city.
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