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WINE WORDS The Cork Dork's Dictionary, Part IV BY MATT GIRAUD AND JAMES MCQUILLEN 243-2122 Since we first started gracing these pages with our nearly comprehensible vinous prose, we've offered annual installments of what we're certain will come to be regarded as the Oxford English Dictionary of wine vocabulary. Our glosses of such indispensable terms as "dumb," "pricked," "2 by 4" and "sweaty saddle" have helped literally dozens of readers decipher the arcane terms that oenophiles bandy about with dizzying regularity. We've even offered helpful tips on using some of these words without making entire dinner parties erupt into derisive laughter. Herewith, our public service continues. GRIP For the oenophile, it's neither the scenery handler on a film set nor the way you hold your golf clubs. It basically means astringency, as in "gripping" tannin. Violinists, incidentally, refer to the way a resin-coated bow "grips" a string to produce the instrument's characteristically astringent timbre. All good reds have it, so if you tend to use the term to describe every single wine you taste, you need to get a grip. HOT Wine lingo overflows with sexually suggestive words, double-entendres that men behaving badly while sipping can rarely resist. We've previously mentioned "well-developed," "foxy," "legs," "woody," "long," "hard" and "penetrating." As if that weren't plenty, there's also "hot," which to mature tasters describes the volatile quality of a highly alcoholic wine. A wine with less, but still pronounced, alcohol is called "racy," which we may also add to the list. Unlike adolescent boys, wine drinkers rarely qualify "hot" with "totally." FIRM Enough already. FLABBY The opposite of firm, of course, and about as flattering a word for wine as it is for people. A flabby wine lacks structure, which generally means that it lacks enough acid (and in the case of reds, tannic grip) to give it an angular mouthfeel. (Have we gotten to "mouthfeel" yet? Oh, never mind.) If the concept seems vague to you, don't worry; once you've experienced the soft, unctuous quality of a flabby wine, you'll know what we mean. The term is not to be confused with "chunky," which refers to big, heavily-extracted and somewhat brutish reds, but both words will apply to you if you're overly fond of the stuff. NOTES Why all writers don't want to go into the wine-describing business is beyond us. While others struggle constantly to purge their language of nebulousness--to produce prose that's, well, firm--we get to cultivate it. Notes, nuances, hints--could we possibly be more wishy-washy? Granted, wine inspires vagueness, especially at a lengthy tasting with no spit buckets in sight. And "notes" in particular is a good word for wine aromas; it captures how they fade, once the nose "hears" them, like notes from a piano. As with music, one wants them to be "harmonious," which is also a commonly used descriptor. And now, for the first time, we offer a SPECIAL BONUS SENTENCE! Ever been handed a glass and asked for your expert opinion? Happens to us all the time. Well, OK, once in a while. If you just can't be bothered to deal with all that fussy verbiage, adopt a solemn expression as though in reaction to a death in your hosts' family and say: I don't know...I think it might be a little corked. A "corked" wine has been tainted by a certain chlorine-based compound that gives off a dank, musty odor. Badly corked wines are immediately recognizable, but often the smell is nearly imperceptible. Being able to recognize it at low levels is regarded as a quasi-mystical skill, on the order of speaking Tibetan or always knowing where to find a parking space on a Saturday night. Nothing will silence a roomful of people and have them burying their noses in their glasses than the suggestion that the lovely liquid might be flawed. Quelle horreur!