BEST PORTLAND'S BEST BY BUS DESTINATION
BEST ACOUSTIC CEILING
BEST BREEDING OPTION FOR DOGS WHO FEAR INTIMACY
BEST WAY TO EASE YOURSELF INTO THE NEW AGE
BEST PLACE TO MAKE OUT WHILE WATCHING AN ARTY MOVIE
BEST EXCLUSIVE ART GALLERY
BEST PARKING STRIP
 

Best Portland's Best by Bus Destination
Most Portlanders agree that Tri-Met's a great way to get to and from work, but many don't realize that buses also lead to offbeat destinations that are purely for pleasure. For the most part, Portland's Best by Bus: A Public Transit Guide to Portland's 30 Most Interesting Places (Around Town Publications, $10.95), by Nancy J. DenDooven, provides information (how to get there, why you should go) that's practical for tourists but old news to Portlanders. But there are a few exceptions. Most Oregon guidebooks do not mention Elk Rock, a public garden that's probably unknown to all but a handful of affluent Lake Oswego residents. At the end of lush Military Lane, a street studded with million-dollar homes, lies a delicate garden offering views of Mount Hood and the Willamette River. A trio of bachelors bought the 13-acre plot in the 1890s and lived there until marriages left Scotsman Peter Kerr the sole inhabitant. Kerr eventually married and had two daughters, who bestowed the house and gardens to the Episcopal Bishop of Oregon when Kerr died. Fortunately, the daughters also granted an endowment for garden upkeep with the stipulation that the land be open to visitors. Catch the #35 or #36 for a quiet afternoon in this free treasure.

Best Acoustic Ceiling
People have been raving about the Helvetia Tavern's homemade fries and jumbo burgers for more than two decades. What's often overlooked is what's overhead. About 18 years ago, the tavern's owners realized that a couple of their problems could cancel each other out. First, they had a really ugly ceiling. Second, they had way too many caps lying around at home. So they began hanging caps from the bar's ceiling, and before they knew it, patrons joined in. Owner Nick Lampros estimates that the popular Washington County pub has more than 3,500 hats in the bar and adjoining restaurant. (A collection of autographed hats--including donations from Neil Lomax, John Elway, Roger Penske and Maurice Lucas--are kept behind the bar.) The creative ceiling tiles may have come cheap, but they are a bit of work. Lampros says that each day an employee pulls down a few hats for cleaning. It takes three months to go through the whole collection--at which time, the cycle is repeated. Although space is getting tight, there is still room for more. Lampros says that just last month visitor from Australia left his cap promoting the 2000 Olympics.

Best Breeding Option for Dogs Who Fear Intimacy
Dog breeding is serious business to some, especially the folks at the International Canine Semen Bank (663-7031).ICSB has 11 centers throughout the country, with headquarters in Sandy. For $225, director Carrol Platz and his assistants will take a collection of your mutt's semen, evaluate it for quality, then freeze and store the vials in liquid nitrogen so that you may breed your dog at any time. They also provide artificial insemination services and can ship semen around the world in a fresh "Puppy Pak" kit, which eliminates the hassle of "shipping the bitch." It seems their storage methods are quite effective; semen stored with ICSB for 24 years recently produced a litter of five puppies! There's no doggie porn in the lobby, but anyone who's never seen an electro-ejaculator is in for a big surprise.

Best Way to Ease Yourself into the New Age
Lake Oswego's Cassandra Musgrave (635-8898) is a psychic you could go out for a drink with. She's been featured in a 1996 NBC special called Ancient Prophecies III: New Visions for the Future, as well as in a variety of journals and radio programs. Musgrave's casual style--she holds 30- to 90-minute sessions ($45-$90) in her comfortable condo or over the phone--will soothe first-timers and assuage skeptics. Besides channeling the dead, Musgrave looks to spirit guides for information about her clients' past lives and future pursuits. Although many of her observations are general, they're still interesting, and she often shows uncanny insight. Even if you don't believe you were formerly an Egyptian princess, Musgrave's earthy, rational style is sure to elicit some personal revelations.

Best Place to Make Out While Watching an Arty Movie
Tired of renting movies and smooching on the couch? Ready to bring your longings for public displays of affection one step closer to the public? Take your date to the crying room at KOIN cinemas. In these cozy, isolated rooms, you have the privacy of home--provided there are no crying babies in the room (which there rarely are at the late show). Best of all, you get the opportunity to snuggle without having your seat kicked by the jealous guy sitting behind you in the theater.

Best Exclusive Art Gallery
When a potential client asks artists Mike King and Gary Houston (co-owners of Voodoo Catbox graphics) for a look at their work, they tell him or her to go to the bathroom. Due to lack of wall space in their studio, King and Houston began hanging their posters on the big, white, empty walls of the restroom. Now, the loo at their space (1306 NW Hoyt St., 248-0510) is wallpapered with posters of artists ranging from the Icelandic band Gus Gus to BB King and Beck.

Best Parking Strip
You don't own it, but you're responsible for it. So how much attention does that little strip of land between the sidewalk and the curb warrant? For most homeowners, very little--which makes Lisa Jorgensen's elaborate median strip garden at Southeast Alder Court and 32nd Avenue seem lavishly cared for in comparison to most. How much beauty can you cram onto so little ground? Jorgensen has been cultivating the answer to that question. By paying attention to the form and color of foliage, bark and branches, Jorgensen has created a 3-D parking-strip garden that works whether it's blooming season or not. Her chockablock arrangement of antique roses and heirloom irises, black violets and a miniature weeping cherry tree planted inside a tree stump never fails to delight the neighbors and stop passers-by in their tracks.