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 BEST
BOWLS OF BOOZE
Many restaurants offer fishbowl-sized drinks with wild combinations
of liquor and fruit juice for $15 to $20. But when you want
a big drink that you don't have to save up for, there are
two great options, making this category a tie. La Carreta
Mexican Restaurant (4534 SE McLoughlin Blvd., 236-8089)
offers La Cazuela, served in a ceramic bowl as big
as your head, for $4.25 on Wednesday nights and $4.95 the
rest of the week. Described on the menu as "exotic tropical
punch with authentic Mexican flavor," this drink features
sliced fruit and cherries floating on a sea of about five
kinds of booze and fruit juice. Sometimes small Mexican
flags float in the sea of fruit, and some bartenders will
substitute 151 for well rum for 50 cents extra. Either way,
the limit of two per person is for your own good. The free
chips and salsa help absorb the alcohol, but the mariachi
music and Mexican village frescoes will already be spinning.
Across town is a bowl of booze that's a different beast
altogether. Home to the All Day Sipper, The Hungry
Tiger (2800 E Burnside St., 231-1234) is dark and smoky
with pool tables, pinball and Tom Petty playing on the jukebox.
There are about a dozen variations of the drink, including
the Leprechaun and Screaming Orgasm, for $6 on Saturdays
or $7 on other nights. The Erase Your Face features four
rums, from Potters to Bacardi Spice, and is the color and
flavor of Hawaiian Punch. The drinks' full recipes are secret,
so you'll have to try them all to see which is best. There's
no posted limit for these--you'll figure it out on your
own.
BEST
PLACE TO BE INTIMIDATED BY BEER
If you're too good to knock back the occasional
Schaefer or two (or three, etc.), you should probably move
to France, where they actually like snooty pooh-poohers.
But anyone who appreciates beer in all its wondrous, diverse
forms will love the Burlingame Grocery (8502 SW Terwilliger
Blvd., 246-0711). Even proletarians sometimes thirst for
something made outside Milwaukee, and this market offers
a world of choices, including heavy German bocks, light
Mexican lagers, liver-kicking Belgian Trappist ales, kilt-twisting
Scottish ales and, of course, microbrews up the wazoo. Prices
range from average to high, but don't worry--there's always
the reliable case of Bud for those of us with more moths
than moolah in our wallets.
BEST
FREUDIAN SNACK
Gelati, or "ice cream" as we Americans
so crudely call it, is a big draw at Gelati Roberto's
(912 SW Morrison St., 224-4234). Plump gourmands lap
away at heaps of lemon custard while more tortured souls
attempt to shush their wailing ids with a bit of kiwi sorbet.
But these cool treats are nothing more than vanity, the
icy satisfaction of deluded narcissists. We prefer the hot
eats, particularly the corn dogs. Roberto's sous
chef boldly casts aside elementary-schoolish "beef" dogs
and disturbingly ambivalent "meat" dogs, insisting on avant-garde
"chicken." Tubes of this tangy, nouveau-cuisine bird are
then dipped and fried in batter, always crisp but never
oily. A wooden skewer doubles as a handle and a toothpick.
Sheer bliss for only $1.25. And you don't have to deal with
some beatnik undergrad who thinks he's a sommelier.
BEST
PLACE TO BUY RAW MEAT
Even if you're not a big carnivore, you might
agree that there's something swell about a neighborhood
butcher shop. Maybe it's the people behind the counter in
those cute paper hats, wielding lethal weapons while smiling
right at you. But as supermarkets take over the world, it's
getting harder to find a fella with that Sam-from-The
Brady Bunch vibe. For a return to the true meat-shopping
experience, a trip to Gartner's Country Meat Market
is in order. In business since 1912 and at the same location
(7450 NE Killingsworth St., 252-7801) for more than 40 years,
Gartner's is not just friendly, quaint and homey, it's also
full of some super-fine cuts of meat. Try the shop's delectable
specialty--marinated short ribs--or if you're feeding a
horde, just pick up the handy BBQ pack: 10 beef patties,
one pound of homemade wieners (spectacular!), one large
fryer, a side of beef ribs and two beef kebabs, all for
just $26.95.
 BEST
REASON TO SHOUT, "THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!"
OK, they don't look too much like breakfast food,
but to the cognoscenti, that's just part of the charm of
the buttermilk crullers at Howard's (12220 SW Scholls
Ferry Road, Tigard, 590-7048) available Friday and Friday
only. Master baker Terry Merrifield has slaved over a hot
oven for 33 years to perfect his secret recipe for the crullers,
which share a culinary pedigree with cake donuts but look
more like chicken wings. Don't be fooled. The crullers (pronounced
"KRUH-lers") are crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside,
with a delicious hint of, well, it's hard to say. We were
too busy gobbling them down to take notes--a box of 12 crullers
disappeared from the WW newsroom before any could
be preserved for serious dissection. Merrifield acknowledges
their cult appeal. "If I don't have them ready by 7 am,
I'm in trouble," he says.
BEST
BAR FOR NIGHT-SHIFTERS
Bud for breakfast may sound gross to 9-to-5ers,
but as more and more Portlanders work nontraditional shifts
(are Web companies becoming the new factories?) the after-work
drink can come at dawn. Hal's Tavern (1308 SE Morrison
St., 232-1259) opens at 7 am and is dark enough to feel
like a bar but has enough natural light to stave off depression.
You can find a pool game before noon, and the jukebox has
plenty of morning-show classic rock. Plus, Hal's is conveniently
located near Zell's, where you can have eggs with clam cakes
and a glass of wine for dinner.
BEST
CHOCOLATE-FREE COOKIE
Some people just aren't into chocolate. Lovers
of the gingersnap know that it's one of the best alternatives
to chocolate, but no two snaps are alike, opening a window
to crushing dissatisfaction once the crumbs hve been lapped
up. Marsee Baking Co., with outlets all over the
city, can work molasses into magic, however. Unlike the
small, crispy gingersnaps found at the grocery store that
sometimes make you feel as if you're chewing up pebbles,
Marsee's are moist and chewy and about the size of your
palm. The ginger flavor is strong enough to make your mouth
tingle slightly, and granulated sugar coats the top, providing
a sweet contrast to the spice. Once you've become a gingersnap
devotee, the Marsee Baking employees will seem to smile
fiendishly as you leave empty-handed on days when they've
run out of the zingy morsels, but you know that no other
cookie will do.
BEST
REAL CAESAR SALAD
The Caesar salad has become as common a menu
fixture as green salad, turning up at Outback Steakhouses,
Zefiro and two-bit bars alike. It's not all that surprising,
considering its cross-cultural origins: The concoction was
reportedly conceived in 1924 by Italian chef Caesar Cardini
at his restaurant in Tijuana. But in its meteoric rise,
the crisp salad has been bastardized, made mild for palettes
fearful of anchovies and salmonella. If you want the real
deal, though, there's only one place to go in Portland:
Wilf's Piano Bar (800 NW 6th Ave., 223-0070). Prepared
tableside, an egg is coddled in steaming water while olive
oil is massaged into the bottom of a glass bowl. Anchovy
paste, fresh ground pepper, garlic and red wine vinegar
are then tossed with romaine and "secret" herbs and spices.
At last, the egg slithers into the mix, along with croutons
and a sprinkle of Parmesan. All this is done by a professional
waiter dressed to the nines, with live lounge piano in the
background. The $13.50 Caesar serves two.
BEST
HOT DOG CART
In these days of meat substitutes and organic
everything, the lowly tube steak doesn't get much respect.
Aficionados of the form would be well-advised to visit Bob
Muller, owner and proprietor of The Original Dog House,
located in front of Howard's Market at 12220 Scholls Ferry
Road in Tigard. Muller started the stand as a sideline to
his duties as Howard's store manager but has been so successful
that he now earns a good living just doggin'. "I was blown
away by what I could earn," he says. Muller serves up primo
spicy sausages, kosher beef dogs and his best-seller, the
Coney Island, a beef frank smothered in cheddar, 'kraut
and meat sauce. His dogs, bathed in hot water then served
on a steamed hoagie roll, are tender and full-flavored,
unlike standard cart dogs, which often taste as if the plastic
wrapper hasn't been removed. This being Oregon, Muller has
experimented with tofu dogs, brats and turkey dogs, but
he says they just don't sell. The Original Dog House is
open 10 am to 3 pm daily, except Wednesdays.
 BEST
PICKLE INFILTRATION
Certainly we expect the pickle with the hamburger,
the deviled egg and the deli sandwich. But when our culinary
guard is down, Hoda's Middle-Eastern Cuisine (3401
SE Belmont St., 236-8325) pops the pickle into our falafel-and-hummus
pita sammies, right alongside the tahini, shredded lettuce
and fresh tomatoes. While this delivers an unexpected--some
might say vile--taste combo, the pickle does add a certain
panache to the chickpea-based products, leaving the
eater to wonder why the pickle doesn't appear in more international
cuisines. Anyone for a pickle-and-salmon-egg sushi?
BEST
THEATER THAT UNDERSTANDS WOMEN
The Moreland Theatre (6712 SE Milwaukie
Ave., 236-5257) may look old, but it's way ahead of its
time. Outside the women's bathroom, a crying room has been
converted to a little lounge with a window to the movie
screen. Finally, someone realizes that 99 percent of the
female population can't make it through two hours of concessions
and drama without hitting the bathroom. Here, ladies can
hang out, chat and pee at their leisure without missing
a second of Notting Hill. Another bonus offered at
the Moreland are the Cokes--served '50s style with a shot
of vanilla. Thank you!
BEST
PARLOUR TO STEP INTO
Nothing brings back the simple pleasures of childhood
like going to a restaurant for the sole purpose of eating
an ice cream sundae. When the craving for sweet cream hits,
The Original Portland Ice Cream Parlour & Restaurant
(1613 NE Weidler St., 281-1271) opens the door to adolescent
paradise. Skip past the Love Tester and fun-house mirror
and enter a parallel kiddie universe. Mounds of candy are
available; if ice cream doesn't do the trick, rock-candy
sticks and candy cigars certainly will. Once seated and
reading the old-fashioned newsprint menu, just try to resist
sundaes for two, like the Pig's Trough (a trough-shaped
double banana split) or the Mother Load. The list of sundaes,
parfaits, floats, shakes and ice cream sodas will make your
head spin even before the sirens and bass drum sound as
a gargantuan sundae arrives for the birthday girl behind
you. Relive the terror and joy of guiltless prepubescent
indulgence.
BEST
SAKE MARTINI
During a recent episode of Sex and the City,
New York romance columnist Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica
Parker) comes off a brief bar hiatus and travels downtown
to a fabulous chic drinkery to drown her sorrows. Upon her
arrival, a friend hands Carrie a glass of pink liquid and
exclaims, "Tartini!" The ever-cynical Bradshaw shoots back,
"Great, I'm out of commission for four days, and they've
already created a new drink!" After taking one look at the
Brazen Bean's (2075 NW Glisan St., 294-0636) exotic, upscale
drink menu, you may relate to Bradshaw's perplexed response.
From cherry cocktails to Mojitos (a concoction of light
rum and mint), these designer drinks are aimed at adventurous
palates and perfectly mirror the bar's opulent decor (think
The Addams Family house or a baroque reading room).
Midway down the menu, you'll find the Bean's star attraction,
the Silver Sake Martini. While the idea of blending
gin and sake may offend martini purists, the results are
nonetheless dry, delicate and delicious. This cocktail's
topper is not the liquor but the caper berry languishing
in the glass. Saltier than your standard olive, this testicle-shaped
delicacy provides added bite and is addictive enough to
make this trendy cocktail experiment a permanent Northwest
nightlife fixture.
 BEST
SMOOTHIE
On the hot summer days that have finally arrived
in Portland--after an eternally moody spring--Dan Garfield's
healthy, fruity and not-too-sweet, 24-ounce smoothies are
paradise in a plastic cup. Garfield's two establishments
(1445 NE Weidler St., 288-5932 and 622 SW Broadway, 227-2334)
couldn't have a more fitting name: Bibo, Latin for
"I drink." Of the 25-plus drinks on the menu (most have
a non-fat yogurt base), the Astoria (boysenberries and blackberries),
the Laguna Beach (strawberries and pineapple) and the Loveland
(white chocolate and strawberries) are to die for. Prices
range from $2.95-$3.95, and two boosters--everything from
creatine to bee pollen--come free with each smoothie.
BEST
USE OF PEANUTS
Tucked away a few blocks from the Lovejoy Ramp
in Northwest Portland is the home of one of the tastiest
dishes in town. African Roots (1011 NW 16th Ave., 226-1258)
serves up some of the most delectable Ghanaian food around,
with exotic smoky flavors saturating most dishes. If you
stick with the vegetarian options, you can get away without
chewing: Included in the abundant toothless-friendly food
is the nut soup. Slightly spicy, mildly tangy and
of perfect medium consistency, this soup--made from a peanut
base--is so luscious that if George Washington Carver were
still alive, even he would be impressed. And at only $1.50
a bowl, you can afford to indulge.
BEST
SCHNITZEL SHACK
Despite being named in honor of Germany's now
ultra-cosmopolitan capital, the Berlin Inn (3131
SE 12th Ave., 236-6761) is as far from avant-garde as it
gets. You'll find no trace of cabaret weirdness or strained
cultural eclecticism here--this place is German. And that's
it. This bastion of Old World cooking occupies a charming
converted house in an unpretentious neighborhood. In keeping
with that simple ethos, the steaming platters that emerge
from the kitchen bear rib-sticking food, just like someone's
grandmother used to make. We started with an elegantly curved
glass of Paulaner hefeweizen, surely one of the most piquant
beers on earth, and a cup of the thick-yet-subtle salmon-and-cream
soup. The soup was very good, but we rushed it a little,
anxiously awaiting the main course. We'd heard tell of the
Berlin Inn's Wiener schnitzel, but the dish's advance publicity
didn't do it justice. While a French cook might be tempted
to do something frou-frou with a thin slice of veal, the
thick-armed German-peasant aesthetic calls for full, heavy
flavors. The Inn's schnitzel delivered, balancing the breaded
meat's zing with a tangy mustard sauce. This swing through
Portland's own little Bavaria left us keen for another round--not
that we could have handled it immediately after puttin'
on the schnitz. As befits an establishment informed by the
ways of the Old Country, the Inn packs a gut-busting punch--and
we only ordered the lunch portion.
BEST
SLICE FOR TOMATO-HATERS
Not everyone likes tomatoes, and even if they do, they
may not enjoy tomato sauce. The red fruit is hard to escape.
Beefsteak, Roma, sun-dried; in paste, spaghetti sauce, ketchup
and chili; and, naturally, on pizza. It's enough to make
an acid-senstive nosher feel under attack. Hungry and hanging
out with friends? "Pizza!" they exclaim exuberantly, hitting
the speed-dial for Domino's. The next time your buddies
are about to indulge their tomato-centric appetites, steer
them toward American Dream Pizza (4620 NE Glisan
St., 230-0699), the only place on the planet that cooks
up slices made to order. It takes a little longer than a
chain-produced product, but each custom slice is as grand
as a mini-pizza--and half the price. Choose a pesto or garlic-and-olive-oil
base, add any number of toppings (spinach and red onions
is an especially pleasing combo) and savor. Slices start
at $1.75.
BEST
PLACE TO BULK UP ON SPICES
OVER BAGELS
Kobos coffee stores (John's Landing Water
Tower, Lloyd Center, Washington Square) also house a huge
array of spices, from the everyday to the exotic. Whole-thread
Spanish saffron, Turkish oregano, garam masala and aromatic
vanilla beans are sold for reasonable prices. Glass vials
are available for $1.25 each, so you can build a rack to
house your purchases. Since it takes a while to roam through
all the wares, pick up a latte and bagel at the Kobos counter
first--the joe is always fresh.
BEST
FRESH MARKET
Supermarket produce sections all tend to look alike. Red
Delicious apples, standard-issue green peppers and other
homogeneously safe products of corporate agriculture lend
a certain sameness to Safeway and Freddie's. Specialty fruit-and-vegetable
sellers provide more choice, importing exotic out-of-season
items like strawberries at Christmas or establishing exclusive
pipelines to local growers for just-picked baby lettuce--but
for that you pay a price. Big City Produce (5128
N Albina St., 460-3830) strikes a happy balance. All of
your favorites are there, from grapes to zucchini, but you
can also find fresh cactus, daikon and collard greens. Produce
buyer Hugh Gray, a veteran of the business, knows how to
ferret out the best deals from the big fruit-and-vegetable
wholesalers. He's also cultivated relationships with local
growers and a few small importers, like the guy who drives
a truck up from Mexico with that cactus. At Big City, apples
and bananas are almost always two pounds for a dollar, and
during their short season, cherries from just up the Columbia
River are probably cheaper here than at any place else in
town. Big City doesn't just sell produce for less; the store
provides a much-needed source of fresh food in a neighborhood
that the big supermarkets avoid. African-American residents
and growing Latino, Southeast Asian and East Indian populations
benefit from access to the basic ingredients of their cultural
cuisines. Gray and his partner, Michael Callahan, are making
an effort to enhance the community in other ways as well;
they recently spearheaded the effort to transform the vacant
lot next door into a neighborhood greenspace. The neighbors
seem to appreciate it. Gray says that Big City Produce is
the only place he's ever worked where people come in and
thank him for "just being here."
BEST
PIE, HANDS DOWN
Never mind "best apple," "best cherry" or "best
sweet-potato pie," Mother Dear's Tasty Pastries (438
NE Killingsworth St., 287-7655) gets one WWer's nod
for the best damn anything in PDX. Saturday afternoon is
the perfect time to waltz in and pick out one of the shapely
berry-filled bakery gems and have a pleasant chat with the
decidedly old-fashioned (read: charming and hardworking)
owner and baker Anorvia Hardy. The pies are about the circumference
of a CD, so you don't have to feel like too much of a glutton
after gobbling up two tasty servings. Bonus: The narcotic
crust, which spills out over the edge of the tin, is a likely
candidate for DEA regulation. Hardy is a churchgoing woman,
so don't harbor any thoughts of pies, pastries or cobblers
on Sundays: The shop will be closed.
BEST
SUBSTITUTE FOR MOM'S
If you have to catch a cold, try to schedule
it on a Monday. That's when the unassuming Nob Hill Bar
& Grill (937 NW 23rd Ave., 274-9616) serves up its homemade
chicken noodle soup. The mixture, with chunks of
real white meat, fresh carrots and celery and gads of unmushy
noodles, tastes way more kosher than canned. Nob Hill prides
itself on homey soups ($1.75 a cup, $2.50 a bowl), offering
a different flavor each day of the week. The chicken is
the best, but Thursday's rich cheddar-and-cauliflower is
also a treat.
BEST
IMPERSONATION OF A PIECE OF CAKE
BY A BAGEL
With the gourmet bagel going the direction coffee
went a few years back ("I'll have a half-yeast jalapeño
lightly toasted with Albanian rock-salt schmear"), it was
probably inevitable that the cake-like bagel would weigh
in soon enough. But rather than provide a mournful reminder
that the egg bagel is quickly becoming an anachronism, Bagel
by the Sea's butter-nut crunch jobbie is worth celebrating.
Make every morning feel like a birthday party by developing
a serious habit of chomping away on these things. Be warned:
Ample ladles of butter, walnuts and brown sugar make this
breakfast Betty one curve-inducing hottie. I say, roll with
it: What else costs $1.25 and causes such unqualified joy?
Butter-nut crunch bagels, their sugar-sprinkled faces looking
like a teen experiment in body glitter, are available virtually
everywhere bagels are sold, including area Coffee People
and Seattle's Best Coffee outposts. One fun thing to do
with them is poke an index finger through the hole and,
using your pointer as a microphone, sing what should be
this bagel's theme song: "Sweet Child o' Mine."
BEST
NEW DIGS
We were thrilled when La Buca (2309 NW Kearney
St., 279-8040) opened the door to inexpensive pasta and
wine two years ago in a neighborhood known for its $20 entrees.
We've cheerily lapped up bowls of pesto mashed potatoes
and $10 bottles of Prosperity Red, but we've never felt
entirely comfortable squeezing into the shoebox space or
perching at rickety tables in the parking lot. Soon you
can enjoy the cuisine in pleasant surroundings without getting
it to go; in early August La Buca will christen a new
location at 40 NE 28th Ave. (238-1058), the site formerly
inhabited by 28 East and Alligator Pear. To begin, the branch
will offer the same priced-to-sell Italian menu, but you
can expect the decor to be much more savory than at the
Northwest outlet. Joining Beulahland, Nature's, Starbucks
and Pizzicato on one of the eastside's most hipster-happy
corners, the new La Buca will be almost twice as large as
the old, with an combined indoor and outdoor seating capacity
of about 65.
BEST
OLD-SALT WATERFRONT DIVE
Just because you don't favor hanging out in after-work places
with names like Captain McFudcrusty's, that doesn't mean
you can't enjoy the occasional cool breeze wafting up off
a river. For atmosphere that's a far cry from the generic
waterfront chain restaurant, try the Sextant Tavern
(4035 NE Marine Drive, 281-5944). Inside, there's a comforting
array of neon beer signs, video-poker machines and pool
tables. Outside, you can lounge in a nest of picnic tables
enclosed by a chain-link fence, basking in the blow off
the mighty Columbia while munching on delicious burgers
or fish and chips. With a Miller Lite in your hand and a
plastic basket of fries on your table, you can thumb your
nose at the patrons of Salty's next-door and fear no retribution,
thanks to that cozy chain-link effect.
BEST
SALAD INGREDIENT
Gastronomically speaking, it doesn't get much better than
a chèvre chaud salad. But since finding a
proper one on this side of the Atlantic is about as easy
as turning up truffles in the Sahara, you'll have to make
your own. The essential ingredient, of course, is fresh
goat cheese as downy white as Lindsay Davenport's tennis
togs. The best we've come across in these parts is the Fromage
Blanc from Alsea Acre Alpines in Alsea, Ore., sold
at the Portland and Hollywood farmers markets for $4.50
(5 1/2 ounces), and at Food Front and People's Food Store
Co-Op for a bit more. Eight years ago, native Pennsylvanian
Nancy Chandler chucked a "highly paid, high-tech, high-stress"
job to buy the rural Oregon farm and develop a dairy. She
now manages a herd of about 60 Alpine goats, as well as
12 Nigerian Dwarves she breeds for pets. Chandler works
long hours and calls her job "a labor of love" but is able
to support herself by producing and selling 300 pounds of
cheese every week. In addition to the creamy plain version,
she makes, among other flavors, garlic chive, basil with
roasted hazelnuts, and roasted red pepper chèvre.
Does she get sick of goat cheese? "I eat it sparingly, but
I'm always struck by how good it is."
BEST
PLACE TO EAT LIKE A CALIFORNIAN
The state of California conjures images of Pacific Palisades,
sushi, Colgate smiles and Pauly Shore. And bento. But not
the veggies-over-rice bento that prompts Portland proprietors
to post signs like "Last Bento Stop until the Pearl District."
Bento in a burrito configuration. Wraps, to be more precise.
Wraps that roll out of juice bars and new wave delis in
San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego faster than marbles
on ice. Now, Rose City residents can get their own sun-dried
fix at Rice Junkies, a mellow lunch joint
that serves varying combinations of enveloped rice, vegetables
and chicken in portions so massive their very sight would
make a svelte Brentwood babe retch. We think they make a
consummate mid-day meal. Co-owners Tom Ramsey and Vance
Corcoran opened the 214 SW Stark Street location (227-6767)
last summer after sampling what lunch spots around town
had to offer. The concept behind Rice Junkies is to provide
huge portions of healthful food at reasonable prices. None
of the dishes are fried, and the most expensive item on
the menu is a chicken-and-veggie combo for $5.50. Thanks
to a loyal following, a new Rice Junkies opens this week
in the old Cafe Sol digs (620 SW 9th Ave., 274-2154). Ramsey
remembers one especially faithful customer: "The other day,
one guy turned in his punch card for his 140th bento." And
to think most of us didn't even know what bento was before
moving here.
BEST
AUTHENTIC MEXICAN BAKERY
It's not hard to find a good burrito in Portland, but try
finding an authentic Mexican pastry for dessert and the
pickings get slim. El Gordito (4821 N Lombard St.,
289-2745) offers up delicious baked goods not usually found
in this region. The triangular doughnut-like treats filled
with fruit, cream or chocolate are particularly tasty, and
the round muffins topped with artistically swirled sugar
are so pretty it's almost (but not quite) a shame to ingest
them. Not only are the starchy delights sweet and scrumptious,
the folks who run the shop are the friendliest bakers in
town.
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Willamette Week | originally
published July 21, 1999
|
