TIFFANY & CO.
DATE: March 24, 2000
TO: The Big Carat
FROM: Location Lobbyist
RE: Project Portland
What is the sound of one hand clapping? My dear, it's
the sound of a West Hills woman applying her hand to her
mouth, as she recoils at the news that, despite our best
efforts, we simply cannot, as planned, open a store at
Southwest 4th and Yamhill. And she'd have good cause to
be horrified. Now, when she wants to buy the latest Paloma
Picasso design--and why wouldn't she?--she'll have to
get in the Land Rover and drive...to Seattle. (That's
in Washington state, somewhere west of the Hudson.)
And why is this, you ask? Well, as you know, we insist
that all our stores look alike--granite walls, doors on
street corners, small display windows with black velvet
and tiny, exquisite jewels--the same as our landmark Fifth
Avenue store. You'd think that the good burghers of Portland
would be desperate for something that classy to replace
the old downtown Copeland's (a sporting-goods store, for
heaven's sake). But, no, Portland, which is 14 years younger
than our company, believes that its planning guidelines
trump smart money and good taste. I tried--oh, I assure
you, I tried--to reason with the planning development
and review types. I even dressed down in a khaki ensemble
(I could not, however, bring myself to don those ghastly
leather Berkshire sandals). Still, despite my efforts
to meet them on their own terms, they insisted that all
stores have big display windows and eye-catching corners.
It's supposed to create the impression of a "lively civicscape,"
I've heard, and is a religious principle among New Urbanism
civic planners.
Not that everyone here is so provincial.
A darling woman named Ruth Scott at the Association for
Portland Progress tried her best to win approval for us.
(I heard she blew up at a Planning Commission retreat
and told everyone that Portland was unattractive for quality
international retailers.) I even contemplating visiting
with Sandra Mims Rowe (you remember her, the former fashion
editor who now runs The Oregonian and recently
suffered the heartbreak of jewelry theft). Trust me, The
Oregonian must know all about the civic planning process
and how to milk that teat. But I'm sure Sandy would just
sigh, "What can you do about a state where people don't
even own their summer cottages?"
And I agree.
That's why, after six months, I've folded up our jewelry
display here. There are other cities that will do things
the Tiffany & Co. way.
Like Vancouver.
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Willamette Week | originally
published March 22,
2000
