Where the Girls and Boys are
This lady I know thinks bike messengers are the hottest
bucks on the planet. Those sleek, shaven legs, that suggestive
combination of speed, precision and danger...they drive
her nuts. My friend is not alone in her fascination.
In fact, though you wouldn't know it to look at booze-ravaged
present-day Max, I pulled a brief tour as a messenger some
years back. And judging from all the leering glances of
that glory run, I would guess there are many secret admirers
of these handsome lads and ladies. With the arrival of cyber-fluke
Kozmo.com, there's an influx of easy-on-the-eye delivery
types hustling around Portland, with more women riding with
the Corps than ever before.
But if you think you can score with a courier while they're
hustling from block to block, think again. No, you must
seek them off-hours. Max knows where to look.
After a long day of pedaling, most messengers don't have
the energy to bike across a bridge and leave downtown. Luckily,
there's a grip of bars within a block of each other with
cheap selections of cheap beer and outdoor seating. Thus,
from 5 until 7:30 pm any Monday through Friday, you can
go to Ankeny's, Berbati's Pan or Ash Street
Saloon, order yourself a PBR, light up an Old Gold cigarette
and kick it with the folks who make this city run. But that's
only the beginning of an evening.
Nine hours of cycling will give anyone an incredibly fast
metabolism; this yields the pleasant ability to drink heavily
for three hours after work without copping a buzz--and still
want to drink more once the sun goes down. "I didn't really
know how to drink until I became a messenger in Portland,"
says my tour guide. We straddled our steeds (the time has
taken a toll!) and sped east to find more alcoholic adventures.
We ended up at The Vern on Southeast Belmont. This
place attracts more messengers than any other spot on the
east side. Subdued lighting and a location far from the
neurotic insanity of downtown make this an ideal place to
sip and recover.
So you want a messenger "friend"? Easy. Be nice: Give 'em
free coffee and food if your position so allows; smile;
try not to run them over. Go to their hangouts, buy a beer
and strike up a conversation. Messengers are more interesting
than the average dot-com drone. And what's more, they can
drink any of those wussies under the table.
WHERE THE BOYS & GIRLS ARE:
Ash Street Saloon
225 SW Ash St.,
226-0430
Berbati's Pan
231 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579
Capt. Ankeny's Well
50 SW 3rd Ave.,
223-1375
Hanigan's Tavern
Known to its friends as the Vern
2622 SE
Belmont St., 233-7851
COMEDY!!!!!
Steve Altman
Stand-up at PDX's
leading laff shack
Harvey's Comedy Club
436 NW 6th Ave.,
241-0338
8 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday,
8 and 10:30 pm Friday, 6:30, 9 and 11:30 pm Saturday,
June 21-25
$8-$10
ComedySportz
The ha-ha-hacienda!
1936 NW Kearney St., 236-8888
9 pm Friday, 7:30 and 9:30 pm Saturday,
June 16-17
$10, $9 with a can
of food for the Oregon Food Bank
Susan Rice
This Portland native, just returned from
an L.A. residency, is really pretty goddamn funny.
Bradford's Down Under Inn
2752 NE Hogan Road, Gresham, 274-0019
7:30 pm Saturday,
June 24
$5
Ellen Degeneres
Omigawd, she's gay! That's hilarious!
Arlene Schnitzer
Concert Hall
1037 SW Broadway, 796-9293
8 pm Wednesday,
June 28
$27-$40
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Willamette Week | originally
published May 10,
2000
|
