GET YOUR WORK WEEK STARTED RIGHT WITH...
Oh, Monday, Monday.... A quiet night, perchance
an opportunity to squeeze excess liquid from one's liver
after a weekend of alcoholic debauch and the shameless teasing
of straight-edge acquaintances. But then, a Buddhist philosopher
(or maybe it was Ferris Bueller) once noted that Life moves
pretty fast, so indulge every instinct to hit the town,
knock back a few brews and go fucking nuts. Or words to
that effect.
And thus, this reporter-slash-lush found himself fatefully
agreeing (after a fistful of afternoon Hamm's) to aim the
wagon train toward Pro 300 Lanes on Southeast Powell
Boulevard. "99 cent bowling games on Mondays" was
the whispering-devil friends' tempting offer. "Cheap beer.
Fashionable young lasses. You know you want it." Ah, yes,
indeed I did. Let's roll.
Once there, we dropped the required $1.75 for each pair
of stylish avocado-and-eggplant shoes, only slightly less
of an eyesore than the brite-glo neon murals of bowling
pins. Then again, this is a bowling alley, dammit--you're
there not to admire the flashy decor but to crush a phalanx
of innocent pins with a rolling, sky-blue spheroid. Naturally,
this is a skill that requires great training. And several
rounds of beer. Our squad--Lieutenant Hot Pants, Major Asshole
and the rest--commandeered a few pitchers of Foster's Aussie
lager ($6.75 per) and soon we were gutter-balling our way
to glory.
Yet all good things, etc., and when the clock struck 11,
Pro 300's zealous young crowds poured into the summer night,
forced to seek action and danger elsewhere. The options
presented themselves: Should we grace La Cruda, the
mondo-hipster moptop hangout? Or The Matador, the
resurgent Burnside dive of Defcon Five drinks and DJed punk
rock? Or The Tonic Lounge, the love-all, serve-all
hooch house that pours a mean shot for a mere $2 on Monday
nights?
Two-dollar drinks swing a mighty influence, so it was off
to the Tonic, steering the caravan due North. Inside the
cottage-like Tonic's "fireplace lounge," the hearth
was warm but the scene super-cool: Disc Jockey Gregarious
spun his typically schizo mix of tunes (everything from
the Sex Pistols to Def Leppard), the waitress beamed smiles
that could've lit New York in the blackout, and the highballs,
well, they kept appearing full...then disappearing empty...then
reappearing full again. Funny thing. But this was no time
to start counting drinks on bowling-blistered fingers. Last
call fast approached and, Monday or not, efficient drinking
is a must. I plopped down another $3 (even cheapskates gotta
tip) for the final scotch rocks and called it a night. A
Monday night, maybe, but a hot one nonetheless.
GET YOUR WORK WEEK STARTED RIGHT
WITH...
Pro 300 Lanes
3031 SE Powell Blvd., 234-0237
Tonic Lounge
3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5154
COMEDY:
Ellen Degeneres
You know how funny those people are.
Arlene Schnitzer
Concert Hall
1037 SW Broadway, 796-9293
8 pm Wednesday,
June 28
$27-$40
Mike Weinstein & Robert Mack
Stand-up at PDX's leading laff shack.
Harvey's Comedy Club
436 NW 6th Ave.,
241-0338
8 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday,
8 and 10:30 pm Friday, 6:30, 9 and 11:30 pm Saturday, June
28-July 2
$8-$10
Jay "Halfbreed" Webb
Uncanny impersonations!
Bradford's Down Under Comedy Club
2752 NE Hogan Road, Gresham, 492-0434
8:30 pm Friday,
June 30
$5
ComedySportz
Mind-bogglingly popular competitive improv.
1936 NW Kearney St., 236-8888
9 pm Friday, 7:30 and 9:30 pm Saturday,
June 23-24
$10, $9 with a can of food for the Oregon
Food Bank
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