Hand out White Chapel Beat-Downs at:
Ringlers, the McMenaminopolis beneath the Crystal
Ballroom's wobbly floor, holds Portland nightlife's biggest
mystery. What the hell do all those people line up outside
for, weekend after weekend? It's just a bar, for the love
of Mike!
Fortunately, Ringlers has another draw besides white baseball
caps and short haircuts: the vicious joys of a mean-spirited
London game. We speak of snooker.
Just beyond Ringlers' lush center bar lies "Old Red," king
of the Portland snooker tables. Collect a beer, turn the
corner and--yes, there it is, Olde London's beloved red
felt, stretched between men who do not understand its merit.
These gapes are shooting eight-ball on a snooker table.
Sternly taking these neophytes by hand, bring the snooker
balls from the bar to the table. Teach them the error of
their ways. Red balls first, numbered balls next. Watch
it, because this game takes precision: rubber rails, smaller
pockets, bigger table. Yes, you can use the granny bridge.
Put the 2, 3 and 4 balls on the half-circle of black dots
marked on the table. Put the 5 on the middle dot, the 6
on the next. A triangle of 15 red balls goes right behind
the 6, actually touching the ball. Behind the rack of reds
lies the 7. The fella who breaks must hit the red balls
first. Score by "potting" (shooting balls into pockets);
lose points by committing fouls. The adventurer at the table
must strike a red ball first, worth one point. After you
nail a red ball, you can shoot for a colored ball, each
worth different amounts. Once a colored ball sinks, it returns
to its original place on the table, and the process starts
again, with the same player shooting at a red, then a colored
ball, until he misses or all the red balls vanish. After
the red balls are gone, shoot the numbered coloreds in order,
2 through 7.
Ah, and penalties: minus four points for failure to strike
a red. The penalty increases if a 5, 6 or 7 ball is struck
by accident. A missed shot meant for a colored ball carries
a four-point ding, as well. If you're shooting at the green
3 ball and hit a colored ball worth more than the 4, you
lose five, six or seven points accordingly. Weird, indeed.
"Thank you, good sir," your now-enlightened interlocutors
say. "But where are the coolest places to play?"
You nod your head full of bad teeth sagely. "My top picks,"
you say, "are Ringlers, the Rialto and Sam's Hollywood
Billiards. I don't like them as much, but Westside
Classic Billiards and Cue's Billiards both have
snooker."
You smile profusely, ready to whip any Yankee who comes
your way.
HAND OUT WHITECHAPEL BEAT-DOWNS AT:
Ringlers Pub
1332 W Burnside St., 225-0627
Rialto Poolroom Bar and Cafe
529 SW 4th Ave.,
228-7605
Sam's Hollywood Billiards
1845 NE 41st Ave., 282-8266
THIS WEEK'S SIDE-SPLITTING STAND-UP
COMEDY LISTINGS:
D.C. Malone
(Insert wild laughter here.)
Harvey's Comedy Club
436 NW 6th Ave.,
241-0338
8 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday,
8 and 10:30 pm Friday, 6:30, 9 and 11:30 pm Saturday, Aug.
16-20
$8-$10
ComedySportz
Competitive all-ages improv: feel the darkness.
1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888
9 pm Friday, 7:30 and 9:30 pm Saturday,
Aug. 11-12
$10, $9 with a can of food for the Oregon
Food Bank
|
