I'm just old enough to remember
those childhood days when kids
weren't terrorized by product wizards. Sure, we '70s babies gobbled fizzy candy,
worked the joystick on plenty of crappy home-video game systems and blew our
milk money on Star Wars figures. But perfume? That didn't penetrate my consumer
consciousness until I hit the properly discerning age of 10. The time was 1982.
Love's Baby Soft. Payless. $3.99.
And, in that bygone era, if the dog smelled bad, that only meant it was time
to bathe the dog.
Those innocent days are done.
For aroma-curious pups and kids, fragrance has become one of the niche marketeer's
newest tricks. And Junior and Rex are an obvious target. Both are hot accessories
for an egregiously affluent middle class in prosperous times. When you've acquired
the baby jogger, the retractable leash, the ergonomic dog bed and an outgrowable
fleet of outfits, you need a new focus if you want to keep shopping.
Such intense dedication to man's best friend may seem like comic hype á
la Best in Show, but check the hard data. According to the American Animal
Hospital Association's 1999 survey of 1,200 pet owners, 85 percent of owners
refer to themselves as their doggie's "mom" or "dad," 46 percent sleep with
their pets and 43 percent keep pet photos at work. So, yes, we've become close
enough to really care how "Winky" smells.
Simply, advertisers push pet cologne by seducing their owners. The copy for
the New York/Paris/London-based Les Poochs fragrance line is indistinguishable
from a sexy sales pitch for human perfume; the company's "Pooch Puppy II derives
its elegant fresh note from the regal Pear Williams fruit. Harvested exclusively
in Switzerland, and only in the fall, this delicate fruit emits a beautiful,
fresh green fruit note" and "each limited-edition crystal bottle is numbered."
Luxury, exclusivity, elegance--these values are fragrance-industry chestnuts.
Oh My Dog!, a canine fragrance composed by the Dragoco Company's Bernard Ellena
(he also brought us Colors de Benetton), was designed to "make these furtive
moments of complicity between two- and four-legged beings last." What moments
of complicity? Why furtive? Whatever its secrets, Oh My Dog! inspired its advertisers
to scale summits of erotic mood-making: "the head note, like his pink, turned
back-ear that his master flips right side out...bright notes wrapped in vanilla
that breathes tenderness...." My, my. C'mere, boy!
It's back to the big white board when the sales target is a child. Perfume
peddlers' usual ad angles--sex, exoticism, intrigue, riches--not only swing
wide of the mark for the average grade-schooler with an allowance to burn, but
also bait parental indignation. So how do canny marketers characterize kid aromas?
Take the juvenile scent line introduced by My Very Own™ Inc. Its founder,
"Charlie's Mom," developed a nonprofit to funnel money into "investigational
laboratories" for muscular dystrophy, from which her son suffers. In the name
of that spotless cause, My Very Own offers two girls' fragrances (Butterfly
Kisses and Sunshine) and four boys' scents (Grand Slam, Goal, Touchdown and
Swish). If we overlook the implications of naming a boys' cologne "Swish," these
fragrances deliver predictable gender cues for boys and girls: Boys like sports,
girls like anything soft, fluffy and pink. Same goes for the children's line
introduced by California's Winsome Fragrance Co., which includes Little Champ®
and All Star™ for boys ("refreshing, clean"); Sweet & Soft® ("baby-powder-like")
and Winsome® ("fresh, floral") for girls. It's a Barbie-and-Ken-Jr. approach
(with notes of JonBenet).
It's no crime against nature if kids--or dogs--want to experiment with odor.
Hell, isn't that why dogs roll in stuff? But do kids--or dogs--want to smell
like THIS? Butterfly Kisses' bouquet evokes doll parts and baby powder. A spritz
of Swish smells startlingly like men's drugstore aftershave, with a plasticky
finish that's still ripe hours later.
No question, kids like to play grown-up, but at that time of life, the sensory
world is on fire--the first time I sipped my dad's beer, I was overcome by its
intensity, and not just because it was Oly. Kid's fragrances should summon a
kid's world, with all its low-to-the-ground strangeness and intimacy. As for
dogs, anecdotal research suggests they like the smell of poop.
The Demeter Fragrance Company has already won accolades for its spookily accurate
single-note fragrances, and Demeter's knack for both recreating and reinventing
familiar smells is just what kids need in a fragrance line (if kids need a fragrance
line). Each bottle is meant to evoke one aroma, so kids can mix several to create
a fragrance that is neither "perfumey" nor "too adult," but is a unique sensory
blend of comfort and discovery. A few suggestions: Birthday Cake + Dirt, Orange
Juice + Snow, Graham Cracker + Laundromat + Earthworm.
And if you want baby-powder scent, Love's Baby Soft has yet to be beat.
