Entertaining
Others
BY
MAC MONTANDON
HEARTBREAK BEAT
More bitchin' than Rebecca Gayheart, foxier than Rose
McGowan, Jawbreaker did everything it could during the first
half of this decade to give emo a good name. Fronted by
the Psychedelic Furry-voiced, Under-wood typewriter-wielding
Blake Schwarzen-bach, Jawbreaker wrote clever (some might
say too clever), disarmingly romantic, boppy hardcore. The
band reportedly died a familiar death: dissolving in the
poisoned atmosphere that surrounded its first major-label
release, 1995's
Dear You. Still, this first offering
from drummer Adam Pfahler's new label, Blackball Records,
Jawbreaker Live 4/30/96 ($14.99, Everyday
Music, various locations) immediately makes clear why the
band earned a feverishly loyal following, particularly near
its Bay Area home dugout. There remains something fiercely
engaging about a singer declaring loudly, "I love you more
than I ever loved anyone before or anyone to come. Someone
said your name, I thought of you alone. I was just the same,
20 blocks away." Cue swooning punk chicks in studded belts
and no-bullshit Walgreens lipstick.
THE KITTY AND THE BIRDIE
Many people know the ready
thrills of the coin-op photo booth. Pack the cramped compartment
with a few of your best mates, stretch your face into
the most peculiar, ardently asinine expression imaginable
and let 'er rip. Well, the Hello Kitty print club ($3
for 16 stickers, Finnegan's Toys and Gifts, 922 SW Yamhill
St., 221-0306) makes an average camera closet seem as
fun as a funeral. Designed by the Atlus/Sega kiddie-pleasers,
the print club meets under a pink-washed canopy in a corner
of the downtown store. The Hello Kitty booth kicks pic
ass by encouraging you to choose from several available
scenes: See your buds emerge from a dinosaur egg, pose
begoggled on a motorbike, capture yourself creeping through
a spooky yard. The thumbnail-wide images are printed on
sticker paper, excellently enabling customized stationery.
SOUND AND VISION
For those who realize Centipede
beats Sega any day, it's time to dust off your ColecoVision
and Atari 2600. Or, if you've only got Coleco kicking
around the rec room, consider picking up the ColecoVision
Expansion Module #1 ($29.75, Ground Kontrol, 610 SW
12th Ave., 796-9364) for the gaming gondolier in your
universe. Besides possessing a Pluto-cool name suggesting
post-Cold War colonization, the Expansion Module clicks
cleverly into your Coleco Vision as an adapter for all
Atari 2600 games as well. Follow Donkey Kong with Asteroids,
Q*Bert with Space Invaders--this pre-Perot campaign technology
is an inexpensive way of joining two video-gaming galaxies.
WATER COLOUR CAFE
My better half has a new favorite
morning ritual that, I only now realize, makes her sound
alarmingly British. Seems she's taken to having a spot
of lemon tea, pumping the Madama Butterfly CD and
painting portraits with her Cotman Water Colours kit
($28.95, Art Media, 10317 SE 82nd Ave., and other
locations, 777-3860). Her recent spate of water colors
poured forth after she flipped past a Saturday morning
painting show on the telly. Sure the kid's got skillz,
but the tones and textures she's been producing make me
think the boys over at Cotman can find their way around
an easel, too. A package the size of a personal pizza
box contains 10 tubes of paint, a mixing tray, one white,
plastic palette and a small brush. This is the way to
facilitate the budding Picasso or Pollock who's slouching,
bored, in your drawing room this minute.
HOOP SCHEMES
In the wild world of sports, men's
college basketball is the most consistently coronary-inducing
live spectacle of them all. Without fail, games are decided
by slim margins and upset prospects always lurk just beyond
the next sturdy screen. Before the 94 feet of fury sends
you excitedly to the next world, take a fan to check out
Division 1 competition in a prep-school gym atmosphere
with Portland State University Vikings basketball tickets
($3-$5 a ticket, at the door of the Stott Center, Southwest
Hall Street and 10th Avenue; for games at the Memorial
Coliseum or the Rose Garden, tickets are $6-$12 through
Ticketmaster, 725-3307). Though they have only four players
back from last season's 17-11 squad, Coach Joel Sobotka's
Vikes could still contend for the Big Sky Conference title.
A Dec. 20 tussle with Washington State at the Rose Garden
affords fans the chance to witness a Pac-10 team for less
than it costs to see Thomason ads on the big screen.
ABSOLUTELY SPLASHING
It's the middle of January;
somehow you've made it this far through another wet winter;
there are still four or five more months of this business
ahead; what the hell to do? The way I see it, you've got
two choices: Begin forging prescriptions for Dilaudid
or take a trip to the North Clackamas Aquatic Park
($4.50-$9.50 per person, 7300 SE Harmony Road, 794-8080).
It's always mid-August at this three-slide, indoor water
circus. Six lap lanes give adults something to do while
their pool rats battle man-made waves and cramps induced
by not waiting 20 minutes after horking snack-bar nachos.
HOW TO GET CREATURES STIRRING
I discovered the
best vodka in the world by accident. Trying to play it
cool one night out with a friend, I nodded to the barkeep
and said, "I'll have whatever he's having." Seven bucks
later, I discovered the gold buried in Polish rye. At
that rate, it pays to get your darling martini maven the
750 ml bottle of Belvedere Vodka ($29.95, 10th
Ave. Liquor Store, 925 SW 10th Ave., 227-3391). As devastatingly
smooth as an Allen Iverson crossover, you'll soon realize
it's a damn crime to muck Belvedere up with a mixer. So
if your friend doesn't say it, you should: "One Belvedere
martini, up with two olives." Go on, then! And dig the
chilly, Edward Gorey-style bottling, too.
THE SAFE WAY
In 1998, one of the greatest comedies
in recent Hollywood history was released to stone-faced
reviews; it has since left barely a ripple in the pond
of public memory. When it comes to critics writing on
Safe Men ($9.99 for previously viewed videocassette
copies at Hollywood Video, 2011 W Burnside St., 223-3949),
you can't trust 'em. Steve Zahn and Sam Rock-well are
bizarrely inspired in portraying the screwy, dilated dealings
of two suburban bumblers mistaken for expert safecrackers.
But what really makes the movie is the ersatz thug Veal
Chop, forever clad in weight-lifter pants and tinted eyeglasses.
Actor Paul Giamatti conquers the role with a strange,
nuanced performance; he goes from quirky, space-jam line
readings to proletariat pathos faster than you can gulp
a sloe gin fizz, the drink of choice in this way-gone
flick.
SALUTE THE CHECKERED FLAG
It may not be coming
to town until next September, but really, is it ever too
early to get your hot-rod honey tickets to see fire-brained
sports car drivers court disaster at every turn? Thought
not. The Rose City Grand Prix rides Sept. 8-10 at the
Portland International Raceway at 1940 N Victory Blvd.
A three-day pass to the Le Mans series races ($30,
free for kids aged 12 and under, through FASTIXX, or call
(800) 992-8499) ensures a spot for all the gear-crushing
antics a carload of famous European drivers you've never
heard of can summon. At around 240 mph, these chrome-cats
will be whipping by with the now-you-see-it-now-you-don't
speed previously only attempted by the Magic Johnson talk
show.
DIG, IF YOU WILL, A PICTURE
More than ever we are
a country of instantly gratified, computing cowboys: We
want our streaming video of Indiana Bones and the Temple
of Poon, and we want it now! How prescient of Polaroid,
then, to construct the Instant One Step camera ($32.99
at Walgreens, various locations) so many years ago. This
little image-conscious baby is still smaller than a lunch
pail, has an auto-flash and, most importantly, delivers
decent pics in the time it takes to say, "And the Braves
lose the series!" Sure to cheer up shutterbugs and shut-ins
alike with its ability to make all yesterday's parties
memorable, the One Step even fits in most Texas-sized
stockings. The film for these jobbies is a little more
than for that 35mm you never use, but think of all the
time your clique will save not having to get it developed--valuable
time you could spend looking at Internet porn instead.
Happy holidays, all you would-be Avedons!
