This is kind of a complex issue. I know I suck at small talk,
so this makes the rare occasion when I run into an attractive
woman more of a fruitless distraction than anything else.
The other thing is that, being a temp, I can't even afford
to look successful (I have yet to purchase the Portland
hallmark of uber-hipness, a black leather jacket).
I'll probably overcome my aversion to small talk before my
financial woes, but I wonder if I'm being too hasty in making
the following generalization: Women in Portland seem to be
really stuck on status and money, if not themselves. Sure,
I know you'll start spewing some Darwinian diatribe about
how all those things add up to my own poor self-confidence
(true) and how money and status are what make a woman feel
secure in her choice of dating material. But hey, I may not
have money or status but I'm young, fit, tall and good-looking...when
did that stop being enough?
I guess what I'm looking for here is a little sympathetic
pat on the head and maybe a suggestion on where all the down-to-earth
(no, I don't mean hippies or gutter-punx) girls are hanging
out?
You might rightfully ask how these guys get so lucky. The
answer lies in their extracurriculars. It's true that "being
a temp" doesn't cut it in this era of meaningful relationships
and marriage-prospecting. (Is it really so different in other
cities?) In Portland, however, you can still be a good-for-nothing
yet sexually active loafabout so long as you are in school,
in between trips to Guatemala, working for the environment,
making people happy through the video arts, very skilled in
snowboarding or karaoke or making fun of your president, etc.,
etc., etc. In other words, you have to believe in something.
I'm not sure why this works so well. Maybe a cause simply
provides a ready-made conversation starter, or maybe it provides
a satisfying activities list to occupy your time while you're
waiting for "the one" (or anyone) to show up. In any case,
Portland people know how to appreciate those who give to their
community in whatever haphazard way, and Portland women will
cut you slack on the employment/responsibility/maturity front
so long as you demonstrate just a touch of commitment and
self-knowledge.
P.S. A well-chosen leather jacket, although adequately expressive
of individual taste, is not de rigueur. You can still
get away with a distressed, loose-knit mustard-yellow pullover,
thrift-store sunglasses and a good pair of boots, especially
in spring. Patience.
But perhaps you don't feel comfortable with even the pretense
of a relationship. If that's the case, no wonder you feel
out of step, at a time when people speak emotionally of their
relationships with their cats, refrigerators and other inanimate
objects. You don't have to feel left out. Instead, you can
try to understand this longing for interconnection in your
fellow human being, and then you can try to sleep with
him or her. The sex is better that way, and the friendship's
not bad either.
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry her
23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid she's
a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a gay
man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should I
choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos can
reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover is
a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed with
telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19, but
I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and wants
me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like my
artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex with
another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes for
a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an ex-boyfriend.
|
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants
to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not interested
in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get back
together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out
with a drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I
love performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
|
-I
would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in
love. |
| 4/19/00 |
|
-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
| 4/26/00 |
|
-My
guy's so sexually pedestrian
-Our daughter is bitter at us for breaking off her affair
with an older man |
| 5/03/00 |
|
-I'm
an ex-porn performer and I know nothing of lovemaking,
only fucking
-I'm tired of being the guy friend. |
| 5/10/00 |
|
-Suey
hears from the virgins |
| 5/17/00 |
|
-What
do you think about Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction seminar
and other programs that promise to teach a guy how to
get women in bed? |
| 5/24/00 |
|
-I've
recently started paling around (and more) with a married
guy; now it's getting weird. |
| 5/31/00 |
|
-Without
a ring how is a guy to know if a woman's available?
-I love my husband but recently we fight about everything.
I want to try marriage counselling but we're both skeptical.
|
| 6/7/00 |
|
-"I
want to know what love is"
-I'm attracted to unavailable men. Married, uncommunicative,
religious, sports-oriented or work-obsessed men seem to
be my specialty. |
| 6/14/00 |
|
-My
best friend, who's a straight male, initiated a sexual
encounter. Now our friendship is horribly strained, what's
a guy to do?
-What's the etiquette on roommates bringing home lovers
and all that? |
| 6/21/00 |
|
-
There's this girl.... and I want to talk to her.
-Why is it that all the men I meet only want to casually
date or have casual sex? |
| 6/28/00 |
|
-I'm
involved in a relationship that I'm afraid might shock
and alienate my family and friends, how to proceed? |
| 7/04/00 |
|
-
I met this wonderful girl... |
| 7/12/00 |
|
-I'm
a guy who doesn't like sex.
-I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, but now
I deeply regret it... |
| 7/19/00 |
|
-
Suey, what's with your lame gender cliches? |
| 7/26/00 |
|
-I
think I'm Straight-Curious (if there is such a thing)
-I've been off and on with my college boyfriend for over
12 years. We're having trouble moving to the next level.
|
| 8/2/00 |
|
- I'm 32, just divorce, and dating a guy who's 25.
Is there something wrong with what I'm doing??
- I am older and therefore wiser. Your readers are naive.
I'll help you set them straight.
|
| 8/9/00 |
|
-Just
when I had lost all hope in men, I met the most amazing
guy.
-I'm thinking about contacting a dominatrix. Any advice
on how to present myself? |
| 8/16/00 |
|
-My boyfriend is such a sweetheart when he's with me,
but when he's out with his guy friends, he turns into
a total pig.
-The world's biggest ass
|
| 8/23/00 |
|
-A year ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years
with another woman. How can I fix this? He is freaking
out.
-Oh Ms. Chow, in this case you're wrong |
| 8/30/00 |
|
-When do you tell someone you're dating that you have
hepatitis?
|
| 9/6/00 |
|
-Clueless fellow in deeply sordid situation
-I'm beginning to suspect a connection between chemical
dependency and emotional dependency, or maybe between
fitness and emotional independence.
-Is there any way to turn down a bridesmaid offer without
offending? |
| 9/13/00 |
|
-My wife doesn't want to have sex anymore
-I used to be in the sex service profession, should I
tell the man I'm about to marry? |
| 9/20/00 |
|
-I started playing out some of my fantasies with my lover
in the last year. Things have gotten complex.
- I explained that nail polish is only for girls, to which
my son insisted, "I'm a girl too!" |
| 9/27/00 |
|
-I'm dating my close friend's ex-husband
-Even though he is gonna dump me after having sex, I still
want go out with him. |
| 10/04/00 |
|
-Three straight guys agree: Hey, what's with the ladies?
|
| 10/11/00 |
|
-Are there side-effects to jerking off?
-I'm married, he's married, we're deeply in love with
each other and having an affair. And now he's asking me
to marry him. |
| 10/18/00 |
|
-I have recently gotten out of a yearlong relationship
with someone I considered my best friend...now, heartbroken.
|
| 10/25/00 |
|
-
I'm fascinated and infatuated with the parking valet boys
at Bluehour.
- I am wondering why I am finding it so difficult to meet
that special person. |
| 11/1/00 |
|
- I am unable to make my girlfriend orgasm through intercourse
or oral sex.
- The chronically ill have to realize that their life-and-death
medical tragedies aren't the only problems in the world!
What about the mental discomfort of the physically healthy?
|
| 11/8/00 |
|
-
This asshole stripper is giving me the run around
- I love my husband, but in the last few months, every
little thing about him drives me crazy. |
| 11/14/00 |
|
-I
am in love with a man who wants all the benefits of a
long-term, committed relationship without the commitment.
- I'm a 30-year-old gay man who has yet to be in a significant
relationship. |
| 11/21/00 |
|
-
My prom date and I encountered each other at a party after
not seeing each other for 14 years, one week after I suffered
a near-fatal accident.
-There aren't any men out there willing to settle down
with a simple country girl. I live and breathe country. |
| 11/28/00 |
|
-
Can you explain to me why women hate shy men?
- Why do men hate women? |
| 12/05/00 |
|
-
I accidentally came across a cache of porn on her computer,
mostly of nude women. Is my mother a lesbian?
-My father keeps a huge stash of porn on his computer.
|
| 12/12/00 |
|
-
I am 29 years old, female, and I just cannot orgasm from
penetration (intercourse).
- My impression of Portland is that it's an older crowd
that's mostly married. Is my impression correct? |
| 12/17/00 |
|
-My husband and I have an open relationship for most
of the years we've been married, when do we tell our
teenage kids?
-My "straight" friend persists in flirting
with me (I'm gay).
|
| 12/24/00 |
|
-
I am 33 years old, overweight my whole life. Now I've
shed 70 pounds and want to begin dating. Tips?
- Suey, help me develop my vaginal muscles so I can shoot
ping-pong balls and smoke joints with it? |
| 12/31/00 |
|
- Some stupid straight guy
|
| 1/6/01 |
|
-My
boyfriend doesn't like to kiss. Otherwise he's normal.
- My Jewish parents are incredible rude to my 1/2 German
boyfriend. He even studies Hebrew and the Torah! (things
that they never used to have any interest in, BTW) |
| 1/13/01 |
|
- Guy needs help getting over girl who doesn't want
him
|
| 1/20/01 |
|
-Boy
want to be with the boys |
| 2/6/01 |
|
- All men have begun to look like George W. to me!
- Marriage is a crock Suey
|
| 2/14/01 |
|
-Is it really possible for someone who doesn't enjoy sex
to learn to enjoy sex?
- I am the bad guy in a bad relationship,
and the relationship isn't even mine! |
