Dear Suey, I'm fascinated by the idea of stripping,
but I'm a little intimidated by the reality of it. I don't
have any girlfriends who strip, who can tell me what goes
on behind the scenes. In fact, most of my friends would
be shocked to know that I'm interested. I have yet to set
foot inside a strip club; I have never even seen a wet T-shirt
contest during spring break. This may sound like a contradiction,
but what I'd really like is a forum where I can strip in
private for just a couple strangers (i.e., not my professors!),
just to see if I like it first, and then decide what I'd
like to try after that. Do you have any suggestions for
me? I'm a little bored with my mirror.
--The Wallflower
Dear Wallflower, I heartily recommend you visit
a strip club or two, maybe a lingerie modeling venue, just
to get the lay of the land. Women (and especially women
with a bit of cash to spend) are generally well received
by dancers in our fair city. Of course, Portland is a small
town, and it's quite possible you will run into your grocery-store
clerk at the neighborhood strip joint. However, customers
are a rather introspective bunch and will likely be too
immersed in contemplation of their inner workings to notice
you much--if one is someone you know, you'll probably spot
him first.
If you prefer to keep your interest conceptual, however,
there are several online resources which may be of interest
to you: Elan at www.elanexposed.com has posted an in-depth
story about her first time; www.danzine.org, a local Portland
advocacy group, produces a 'zine for "ladies in the biz";
and Portland local Naughtya (www.nudiebars.com) offers dance
lessons. As with any sexual act, there are a few psychologically
tricky manueveurs that go along with stripping as well.
You're right to take time to educate yourself. Then decide
what makes sense for you.
--Suey
Hey Suey, I just recently fell into intense like
for the most charming, carefree, and generally holdable
girl I've met in a long time.
Unfortunately, there's a catch. She's a booth dancer by
trade, and I first met this divine creature in her professional
capacity. I was just bored and curious at the time, but
she totally enchanted me with her artistry, personality
and beauty.
My question for you is how do I get to know her as a person
and pursue this without getting her in trouble with the
local anti-porn crusaders who brand artists of her ilk as
prostitutes? I'd also like to avoid coming off like John
Hinckley or Mrs. David Letterman.
--Bumfuzzled in Felony Flats
Dear BFF, Despite local attempts to regulate companionship,
it is still legal to hang out with friends. Avoid exchanging
money for sex, and you'll avoid the worst that most anti-prostitution
crusaders can legally dish out.
I suspect the real problem will be to get a date with your
dancer in the first place. You should be prepared for the
likely possibility that she is married, has a boyfriend,
has a girlfriend or has kids. Know also that the whole world
loves a dancer, and guys fall for 'em with some regularity;
the idea that she might have to fend you off too could be
a turnoff for her. For whatever mysterious womanly reasons,
some dancers will occasionally agree to a date and not show.
And even if she does make an appearance, it's possible that
she'll view dinner as a courtesy perk and investment in
one of her favorite regulars--a simple extension of her
in-club work.
These days, romance in the workplace is generally frowned
upon and always complicated. If her club doesn't have a
rule against dating clients, she probably keeps a few herself.
It's more than the fear of turning out like Elizabeth Berkley,
eternally paired in veiwers' minds with that nutty Kyle
MacLachlan, the butt of Janeane Garofalo's jokes. It's also
a need to sort out a personal life from a professional one.
It's a cruel and necessary twist of fate, but the kind of
relationship she's working out with you as a client is not
the same kind of relationship she'd nuture with the hottie
next door. That would just be weird.
My best advice is to seek the simple pleasures: Enjoy the
professional relationship and try not to confuse the situation
with random acts of dating (that is, unless she makes the
first move). Still, even physicists get a break sometimes,
as Richard Feynman's strip-joint successes seem to indicate.
Are his theories the work of a crackpot or a genius? You
can test his experimental methods for yourself. Talk to
your gal, get to know her, but give her plenty of room to
work as well. Suggest dinner, coffee, cosmic bowling--something
to put you both at ease. If she turns you down, do not
apply caveman-style pressure: Simply back off and remember
that, just like the gal at Ben and Jerry's who makes those
waffle cones that taste like love, she is there to perform
a service and not to find a date. In general, be a friend
and see where that gets you. If she's interested, she'll
tell you so. At least, that's what I hear.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not
interested in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get
back together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out with a
drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still tantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I love
performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published April 26,
2000
|
