Do you honestly believe that "straight men know that that
gay men are hipper than they are" [June 14, 2000]? I love
my gay friends and am thankful that they're my friends.
But in fact they're all either lonely or in stormy relationships,
live in messy apartments, are deep in debt and need to do
some serious thinking about their drug and alcohol use.
In other words, they're just like the rest of us. No more
or less "clueless" in their behavior. To be loved but not
envied. And no, I'm not an aberrant or even unusual straight
male. Just one that doesn't quite fit your tiresome media
cliches.
--Seamus
1) It doesn't make sense to complain about tiresome media
cliches about hipness, since the whole idea of hip is a
media construct and conspiracy. I'm guessing that the majority
of people in America have never met a hip person in their
entire lives and only know of the concept through books.
That would make sense, since there are only five truly hip
people in existence. The meager so-called hipness most of
us aspire to is in actuality a carefully cultivated atmosphere
of irrational desire, lack of knowledge and social embarrassment,
which the media exploits to make their weekly articles on
taco stands seem more interesting.
2) Hipness, to the extent that it does make a showing in
our country, is certainly not a subscription to Perfect
Mental Health magazine. Hipness has nothing to do with
some suburban psychoanalyst's wet dream of a well-adjusted
and normal individual, which is the antithesis of hip, the
very kryptonite of hip. Rather, it's the ability to recognize
and reveal flaws, uncoolities and awkwardness--especially
in oneself. That's why hairy record store owners, nervous
lesbians with horn-rimmed glasses, and people with no house-cleaning
skills will always be hipper than you.
Look, I sympathize. Living in a First World nation, privileged
with SUVs and a weekly paycheck, it must feel cruel indeed
to be denied the validation of hipness. But a history of
world domination can't rate the same hipness factor as a
well-choosen collection of designer neckties and coffee-table
books, especially if they're by Versace. That's just the
way things are.
Don't take it so hard. Perhaps I exaggerate when I claim
that "all" straight men know their place on the hipness
scale. And certainly, one man's hipness is another man's
five-minutes-ago; who knows, hipness could go out of style
again. However, I really do believe that gay men know more
about being gay than straight men do, and that certain straight-conflicted
men will idolize them for it and then start acting strangely.
That's really the only point I was trying to make.
--Suey
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5/5/99
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-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
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-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
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-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
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-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
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-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
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-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
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-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
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-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
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-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
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-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
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-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
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-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
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-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
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-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
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-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
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-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
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-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
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-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
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-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
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-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
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-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
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-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
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-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
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-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
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-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
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-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
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-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
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-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
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-My long-distance partner wants to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not
interested in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get
back together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
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-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out with a
drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
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-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
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-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
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-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I love
performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
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-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
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-I would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in love. |
| 4/19/00 |
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-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
| 4/26/00 |
|
-My guy's
so sexually pedestrian
-Our daughter is bitter at us for breaking off her affair
with an older man |
| 5/03/00 |
|
-I'm an
ex-porn performer and I know nothing of lovemaking, only
fucking
-I'm tired of being the guy friend. |
| 5/10/00 |
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-Suey
hears from the virgins |
| 5/17/00 |
|
-What
do you think about Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction seminar
and other programs that promise to teach a guy how to
get women in bed? |
| 5/24/00 |
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-I've recently started paling around (and more) with a married guy; now it's getting weird. |
| 5/31/00 |
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-Without a ring how is a guy to know if a woman's available?
-I love my husband but recently we fight about everything. I want to try marriage counselling but we're both skeptical.
|
| 6/7/00 |
|
-"I want to know what love is"
-I'm attracted to unavailable men. Married, uncommunicative,
religious, sports-oriented or work-obsessed men seem
to be my specialty. |
| 6/14/00 |
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-My
best friend, who's a straight male, initiated a sexual
encounter. Now our friendship is horribly strained,
what's a guy to do?
-What's the etiquette on roommates bringing home lovers
and all that? |
| 6/21/00 |
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- There's
this girl.... and I want to talk to her.
-Why is it that all the men I meet only want to casually
date or have casual sex? |
| 6/28/00 |
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-I'm involved in a relationship
that I'm afraid might shock and alienate my family and friends, how to proceed? |
| 7/04/00 |
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- I met this wonderful girl... |
| 7/12/00 |
|
-I'm a guy who doesn't like sex.
-I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, but now I deeply regret it...
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