Dear Suey,
I was minding my own business, traveling
home from school on the bus, when the bus came to an abrupt
stop suddenly and an amazingly beautiful girl came flying
into my arms. Amen, thank you Buddha.
Fortunately I have the luxury of long bus rides to speak
with her, and we have such wonderful conversations. The
other passengers disappear as we talk of art and world politics.
It didn't take me long to get up the courage to ask her
out, it was a necessity...but then came a long pause and
those words that haunt me fell off her lips, "I have a boyfriend,
but thanks for asking me."
Why does every woman of quality have a boyfriend? Why do
people settle instead of searching out perfect compatibility?
Why must a woman have only one boyfriend? Those are my general
questions.
And specifically, how do I win her heart? When we are on
the bus, we always sit near each other and talk. I am little
by little revealing myself to her, but I feel like I am
auditioning for a part in a play that is not being cast--but
should be. It would be a beautiful play. I don't think this
is a one-sided exercise in daydreaming. Please help.
--Romeo
Dear Romeo,
It sounds like you've already won her heart, and that's
all you can do for now. Be a friend to your fellow bus-rider
and Shakespeare enthusiast; eventually she may dump her
current love interest (at which point, you'll get a second
chance) or perhaps introduce you to an available friend.
In the meantime, keep in mind that, first, it's not that
every "quality" babe has a boyfriend, it's just that large
numbers of all types of women are partnered; second, people
don't "settle," they fall in love; and third, although some
have an irrational commitment to the idea of "one boyfriend,"
you probably won't be able to argue them out of it. Good
luck, R. I suspect further romantic adventures will soon
fall in your lap.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
I am in love with three men. My ex-husband,
my ex-lover from Sweden, and my current lover living across
the country. My ex-husband and I just had a nice visit,
and I feel that we still both love each other and possibly
we both still hold out hope of being together again. I have
very little contact with the Swedish man, but I still yearn
for him and I still love him. I cried for days when I knew
I couldn't stay with him--when I knew I had to continue
school in America. My current lover is very sexy and passionate,
but he can be cruel and he drinks too much. But he's also
very romantic and worshipful.
If I had to choose right now, I would choose the ex-husband,
because we are very compatible and we have a lot of fun
together. I don't know if we can get the same passion back
that we once had. And I really don't want to say goodbye
to any of them. The funny thing is, none of them lives here!
And I love living alone. But I'm a sucker for love. What
to do?
--Confused in Love
Dear Confused,
I understand why you want resolution. It's a nuisance
to keep up with the answering-machine sagas created by three
long-distance callers. Frequent deliveries of gifts and
flowers make the UPS driver look sour. And only a United
Nations secretary has the right combination of decorum and
mental acuity to keep all the name cards in order. Monogamy,
the discovery of one perfect love, someone to keep house...these
would simplify a lot of things.
But before you make a decision to dump all three and join
the Peace Corps, you might want to reinvestigate your selection
criteria. Being in love doesn't always require a lifelong
commitment. Sometimes, for just one precious evening, you
fall in love with a shy mathematician with crooked teeth
who juggles colored balls for you in the lamplight, and
sometimes you marry a meat-eating control freak who screams
bloody murder every time a scratch appears on his Calphalon
cookset. Which is the lifelong commitment?
Does it matter?
The wonderful thing about memory and untapped possibilities
is that you never have to leave anyone out. Maybe you're
not ready to settle down with one person right now (and
if so, you can let yourself off the hook a bit by letting
the men in your life know that). But eventually, you might
find yourself involved with one particular guy as part of
an ongoing, in-town relationship. Or maybe not. Either way,
you won't have to say goodbye to everyone else--not really.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published November 3,
1999
|
