Dear Suey,
Here's the deal. I'm 25, living in Portland, a recent transplant
from the East Coast. I'm attractive, charming, tall, humorous;
I identify as queer; and I'm head over heels in love with
my best friend.
I met "J." and her grrlfriend, "B.," while working at regional
theater on weekends. J. and I are alike in some ways--backgrounds,
parents, values, interests--and opposites in others: I work
in computers, while she slings coffee, is in a band, writes
and has been in the voice-over/ commercial/ film industry
since she was a child. She's amazing and fascinating and
surprises me with her versatility.
I'm in love with her. I have spent some time away from
J. and her grrlfriend in order to think about my feelings,
to see whether they are heartfelt or just lust, loneliness
or something else. Bottom line: My feelings are heartfelt.
But J. has been involved with this woman for a year and
a half, and they seem happy. B. is my age, and I know how
hard it is to find and nurture a solid relationship without
having to deal with everything else (homophobia, jealousy,
fear...).
Still, I like J. a lot. I've tried not to reveal
these feelings to prevent J. any angst. She invited me out
for an impromptu dinner last night while B. was in class,
and we had the best time. If she wasn't seeing someone else,
it would have been a first date.
So what to do? Do I tell J. about how I feel? Do I wait?
I don't really want to date anyone else. Help!
--In Love with J.
Dear In Love,
I think you can let J. Grrl know how you feel. The key is
to present the info as a point of flattery, and not as a
jumpstart to a dangerous "relationship talk." Make sure
to include several escape routes for you both.
Sometime when you're a little distracted with painting
the scenery or changing out gels, you might casually mention
your attraction. Say something like, "Dinner last night
was really wonderful. If you weren't going out with someone
else, you would have been in big trouble with me." Your
shy declaration will end with a playful yet wistful smile--something
that can be construed as puppy love, idle flirtation or
pure drama, depending on the inclinations of the listener.
Then wait for her response. Perhaps she'll look past your
shoulder and say, "I felt the same way. And now I don't
know what to do about it." If so, it's time to climb down
the scaffolding and start a disaster drill.
But if she flashes her delirious smile and suggests another
night out at the Casablanca with B., then take her answer
for what it is--she knows what you mean and is offering
friendship.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
My friend and I have always wondered how those women in
porn films get their crotches so unnaturally hairless. Is
it waxing? Nair? Electrolysis?
What? What?
--Itching to Know
Dear Itching,
I don't do much with my pubic hair, short of stuffing it
back in my bathing suit. I only mention my proclivities
so that you understand my grooming info comes from research
(i.e., Web surfing) rather than personal experience.
From what I've read, all techniques have their downside.
Some depilatories can be used on the bikini line (but be
careful not to get the stuff on your genitals). In any case,
they can be painful; some people are quite sensitive to
the goop. Tweezers are slow and painful, and waxing is quicker
and painful. Electrolysis is expensive and also painful,
and so are laser treatments, as they often require painful
waxing beforehand. The only method that does not involve
pain, it seems, is shaving; instead, irritation is deferred
for a day or two, until razor burn and ingrown hairs begin
their torment.
According to newsgroups, however, shaving is a problem
only because first-timers don't have the information to
do a decent job; connoisseurs have recommended careful prep
work before applying blade to skin. First, it's important
to trim the pubic hair before you start. Some even suggest
that first timers leave it that way for a week or two, to
let your skin adjust to a new, more exposed way of being.
The next step is to run a hot bath and soak in it. The goal
is to soften the hairs and open the pores. You can also
use a little hair conditioner to help the process along.
Only after you've performed the required ablutions may you
begin to shave.
Lather up well, and be prepared to clean the blade often.
First-timers should shave in the same direction your hair
grows--the shave isn't as close, but you greatly reduce
the risk of razor burn and ingrown hairs.
After you have some experience, try shaving across (not
against) the grain. Rinse with cool water and rub on plenty
of moisturizers when you're done. You can shave a couple
of times a week--more often if you're used to it.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published December 8,
1999
|
