GENTLE READERS:
Last week Miss Dish published her
interpretations of very important press releases that have
recently crossed the Dish desk. The response has been so
great (sorry, folks, we're out of extra copies of that issue
right now, but we might be able to put you on a waiting
list) that once again Miss Dish brings you these most substantial
missives, set to a light Latin beat:
Dear Miss Dish,
We are pleased to announce the birth of our new grocery
store, New Seasons Market. The father, Brian Rohter,
formerly the general manager of Nature's Northwest,
is overjoyed to report that the bouncing baby store is locally
owned and operated and is snuggled in at 7300 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale
Highway. You can call the proud Papa at 292-1987. Please
post this announcement in your newspaper.
With undying affection,
Mother Nature
Dear Miss Dish,
This is a note from the former owner of Caswell's
at 533 SE Grand Ave. I just want to let you know that I
had to sell the restaurant to another party. So don't go
there, because there is not a functioning restaurant at
533 SE Grand right now. The new owners were supposed to
open over two weeks ago with a temporary license from the
Oregon Liquor Control Commission, but they haven't
received said license yet. They keep calling the OLCC but
they haven't heard back. Maybe the OLCC is on vacation.
When the new guys get the liquor go-ahead, they will fling
open the doors and do a little dance. They will most likely
not call it Caswell's, but hopefully they will keep the
Caswell's feeling afloat. I tried to hold it together as
long as I could but then I couldn't hold on anymore. I have
moved to L.A. because that's where I could get a job. I
am not pathetic, I am not pathetic, I am not pathetic. I
am valiant, I am valiant, I am valiant. Please tell the
former eaters at Caswell's that I love them and bid them
good night.
Yours in wine and roses,
Michael Teahan
Former owner of Caswell's
Dear Miss Dish,
It's our understanding that the people of Portland are a
bunch of pasty-assed, hops-hugging wannabes who think that
they're too cool for school. We want to help. Our company,
Rogue Ales of Newport, presents an enticing seasonal
tonic that will most likely remedy the obvious infection
that afflicts your city. This bracer, Rogue Mexicali
beer, is brewed with smoked jalapeños. It is best
to take six times a day starting May 5 and every day after
until this lameness is completely out of your system. It
will surely deliver the goods.
Hopelessly devoted,
Dr. Rogue
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Willamette Week | originally
published March 8,
2000
|
