Night Cabbie BY Willie Milkis willie_milkis@hotmail.com AMATEUR NIGHT. One of the many. I get my fare out of a rotten dive on Foster Road. His friends fetched him for me and he's a big guy, maybe 22 or 23. He's sweating and looks relieved to be out of there. Twenty-sixth and Morrison, he tells me. We're sitting at the light at 50th and Division, right across from the Plaid there, and I hear a choking noise coming from the back seat. I turn around and the guy's got his hands up to his mouth. He's puking into them and down his shirt. "Open the door," I say, but he's doing big heaves and ignores me. "Open the goddamned door!" Nothing. Shit. I run the light into the Plaid parking lot, planning to open the door myself and drag him out of there before he barfs all over my cab. I'm halfway out when he says, "Wait. Wait a minute, man, I'm okay. Take me home." I'm pissed because he didn't open the door. "We're not going anywhere until you get into that Plaid and clean yourself up." "No man, no. Get me home. I'll tip you very well if you just get me home." A good tip isn't worth having to clean out the cab. "Yeah, like I want any money your hands have touched. Get in there and find a bathroom." He digs out his wallet and opens it, being careful not to touch the bills. "You see that twenty in there? Keep it all, but please take me home." I pluck the twenty out gingerly and lay it on the seat next to me. "Don't touch anything." After he's gone I check the back seat. He barfed all over himself, but the cab is clean. Must be my lucky night.   MACK ATTACK 2 The president of the Portland Police Association, Greg Pluchos, has decided not to run for reelection, but the cop union boss will not fade from the scene without a parting shot at his nemesis, fellow union office-holder Tom Mack. Though the rift in PPA leadership is longstanding, Pluchos has always refused to comment on Mack publicly. He ended that in the latest issue of the Rap Sheet, the union newspaper, which was mailed out Monday. Without mentioning Mack by name, Pluchos' monthly column, "The President's Report," was a lengthy assault on the secretary/treasurer, accusing Mack of a litany of misdeeds from losing $40,000 in union funds on poor investments to failing to write up minutes of board meetings in a timely manner. Pluchos' departure from the scene, as well as his parting attack on Mack, sets the stage for what promises to be a bitter election fight Oct. 20. Previously, Pluchos was expected to run for reelection, but he says personal reasons--notably his desire to retire from the Police Bureau in a year's time--preclude him from running again. One potential candidate for president is said to be former board member Det. Sgt. Robert King. Another is Leo Painton, president from 1996 to 1998. In the latest Rap Sheet, Painton too bashed Mack's tenure, while touting his own performance. He told WW he was still mulling over a bid for the presidency. As for Mack, he calls the allegations laid out by Painton and Pluchos highly distorted. After publicly criticizing police management for the handling of the May Day rally, Mack narrowly survived a recall attempt in July. Only two-thirds of the union's members voted. That may be because PPA politics are more contentious right now than they've been at any time in recent memory, according to longtime union members. "I think a lot of people are tired of it," says Loren Christensen, editor of the Rap Sheet. --Nick Budnick EYEING THE TIGER Clad in little more than a white bathrobe and black cat ears, the tigress crept across the plaza, stopping midway between the hobos sitting on Skidmore Fountain and the blue-haired kids hanging out by the MAX tracks. Then she slipped off her robe, revealing a black bikini bottom, pasties and tiger-striped body paint, and crawled into a tiny metal cage. Animal-rights demonstrations just don't pack a city square like they used to, so protesters from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals took a page from Madison Avenue last Thursday and used a little T&A to liven up their message--in effect, exploiting one woman's body in an effort to highlight the exploitation of circus animals. The tigress was joined by half a dozen PETA activists who urged passersby to boycott the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus when it comes to town Sept. 21. They passed out pamphlets and hoisted signs with slogans like "Ax Animal Acts," but the real star of the show was Amy, the 24-year-old clerical worker from Seattle who knelt provocatively in her makeshift cage. "We have gotten so much coverage," she purred from within her confines, as teenage boys called out "Oh, cage me baby!" and wondered aloud if it was OK to feed the wild animal. PETA organizers did their best to carry on despite the inevitable lewd remarks, but for every onlooker who heard an earnest plea against forcing animals to perform cheap tricks at the expense of their own health and safety, there was another MAX train full of wagging tongues and raised eyebrows. But in terms of drawing attention, the stunt clearly worked. Eyes transfixed on the girl smiling demurely at him from inside her cage, a new convert to the anti-circus camp remarked that he would never have paid much attention to a bunch of placard-waving protestors chanting slogans. --Christie Scotty Ben Canada's New Math: $13,125 - $15,625 = ? When is a pay cut not a pay cut? Only, it seems, when the recipient is Portland Public Schools Superintendent Ben Canada. On Monday, the school board extended his contract for a year and awarded him the same cost of living increase that other salaried employees received. But the board announced that Canada's bonus for the past year was $13,125--a 16 percent cut from the $15,625 he received for 1998-99. According to his contract, the superintendent could have received up to a $20,000 bonus. Canada, ever the optimist, doesn't interpret the slimmed-down check as a pay cut. "Look at the board's statement," he says. "They're pleased with my performance." The board, a pioneer in merit pay for administrators, gushed praise for the superintendent. A densely worded one-page statement extols his people skills, fiscal management and academic achievement while only touching upon what board members have said is a track record of poor hiring, insufficient follow-through and too-frequent absences from the district. Board member Ron Saxton, who led the superintendent's evaluation committee, minimizes the importance of the bonus as a measure of the board's satisfaction with the district's boss. "The standards we judged him by were different this year," Saxton explains. "It's apples and oranges." Portland Association of Teachers President Richard Garrett is puzzled by the board's spin--especially since last June the board increased Canada's possible bonus for next year to $30,000. "I think the school board might be uncertain about his performance on one hand but on the other hand afraid to lose him," Garrett says. "It's a strangely mixed message." --Nigel Jaquiss So WacKo, even the OCA won't have him... The protest at Grant High School last Friday was distressingly familiar. A clutch of anti-gay demonstrators stood outside the school, including a man and his young daughter dressed in matching T-shirts asking "Got AIDS Yet?" Every so often, the child was pushed forward to read Bible passages aloud in a quavering singsong voice that was drowned out by the sound of about 60 counter protesters chanting across the street. The two factions were separated by reams of yellow police tape and a sea of conflicting ideologies. Inspired by the Rev. Fred Phelps (who was not present) and his Westboro Baptist Church, some of the anti-gay demonstrators had traveled all the way from Topeka, Kan., to Portland to denounce Grant High School as a "hotbed of filthy fag propaganda." At first glance, the protesters' goals seem to dovetail with those of the Oregon Citizens Alliance, whose Measure 9 would bar schools from "encouraging, promoting, or sanctioning" homosexual or bisexual behavior. But in fact the OCA was noticeably absent from Friday's activities. WW wondered what the OCA really thinks about Phelps, so we placed an anonymous call to its headquarters. The response: "These people from Kansas should click their heels twice and go home." Hey Lon, that's not a bad idea--maybe we'll buy you a pair of ruby slippers. --Joanna Burgess THE LONG WAIT Oregon's mentally retarded citizens scored a major victory this week when Gov. John Kitzhaber agreed to boost spending on services for the developmentally disabled by $501 million in order to settle a class-action lawsuit. "It's the right thing, it's the moral thing, and it allows families to stay together," says Cynthia Owens of the ARC of Oregon, which was a party to the lawsuit. "I'm delighted we were able to get this settlement without having to waste a lot of time and taxpayer money in court." "It's absolutely momentous," says Diann Drummond, a single mom whose 22-year-old daughter, Molly, has been waiting for services for six years. The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court earlier this year, claims that the state's long waiting lists for services put intolerable financial and emotional strain on families, harm the clients, and violate state and federal law. According to Oregon's Office of Developmental Disability Services, as of February this year, there were 4,231 Oregonians waiting for services, the vast majority of them suffering from mental retardation. Some 2,211 have been waiting for four years or more. But statistics tend to obscure the anguish of individual families. The lead plaintiff in the case is James Staley, a 33-year-old Beaverton resident with severe mental retardation who has been waiting 15 years for a group home placement. Staley, essentially non-verbal, needs help in most of life's daily tasks including cooking, shopping and riding the bus. He lives with his retired parents who are in their 50s. Under the settlement signed Monday, the state agrees to provide "support services"--in-home or personal supports costing up to $20,000 a year--for an additional 3,375 adults and 1,316 children. It will also provide "comprehensive services" to 300 additional adults, including 24-hour residential care, intensive in-home support and other services that may exceed $20,000 a year. The new services will be phased in over the next six years. --Chris Lydgate LLOYD SPEAKS! Bowing to public pressure (and the ignominy of being named WW's Rogue of the Week in back-to-back issues), the City Club of Portland invited Pacific Green Party candidate Lloyd Marbet to the club's Oct. 13 secretary of state debate. The face-saving move was necessary because City Club had jumped the gun and invited deep-pocketed Libertarian candidate Mitch Shults to the Sept. 29 treasurer's debate before the candidate filing deadline had passed. Rather than boot Shults off the roster, the club invited all minor candidates--including Marbet--who are running for the five offices for which it's holding debates. Bolting the Galleria And soon there'll be none. When Josephine's Dry Goods packs up its bolts of fabric later this month, the second floor of the Galleria will be empty. The historic shopping center, which covers an entire block bounded by Southwest 9th and 10th avenues and Morrision and Alder streets, was once the flagship of downtown Portland's revitalization but today resembles a slightly seedy bar after closing time. Josephine's is leaving its 1,700-square-foot space but not going out of business; the fabric and button store, a tenant since Bill and Sam Naito renovated the Galleria 24 years ago, will move around the corner to 521 SW 11th Ave. That leaves New Horizons, a computer-training center on the third floor, as the only major tenant above ground level. It is unclear what the Naitos plan to do with the once-thriving real estate. Two years ago, following Bill Naito's death, H. Naito Corp announced plans for a $15 million renovation, but there has been no sign of such activity. At a time of frenzied downtown development, the Naito property empire, which includes Montgomery Park and several Old Town buildings, hangs in limbo pending resolution of the legal battle between Sam and Bill's descendants (see "Naito Divided," WW, July 29, 1998). Bill's sons, Bob and Steve, both of whom are shareholders in the family and both of whom remain active in local real estate, are unsure what their uncle, Sam, has in mind for the Galleria. Sam Naito did not return WW's calls. --Nigel Jaquiss Murmurs IDLE GOSSIP, RANK SPECULATION & BIZARRE QUOTES * No one can dispute that local rocker boys Everclear have made it to the big time, but now they have yet another A-list accouterment; VH1's Behind the Music rockumentary show is filming an Everclear piece to air on the cable channel in November. The show is known for Spinal Tap-ish recounts of musicians' addictions to sex, drugs and bathtubs, so the Everclear episode is sure to be chock full of sins. * Film at 11: The Oregonian finally has a new TV critic. Former Portland freelancer Peter Ames Carlin is returning from a four-year gig at People magazine. He and his wife, former Oregonian political reporter Sarah Carlin Ames, are expected to move from Brooklyn this fall. Carlin isn't the only familiar name to pop up in the daily paper. Les Zaitz, the O's former investigative reporter, is back on staff after a dozen years as editor of the Keizer Times. * Finally some much-needed help for Chuck Culpepper. Word at the O is that Brian Meehan beat out fellow sport scribes Abby Haight and Ken Goe for the job of the paper's second sports columnist. * More media madness: After 18 months of losing the ratings game, KOIN-TV has pulled the plug on The Buzz. But don't worry, you'll still have "Lars on your Side." Portland's most redundantly named newsman, Lars Larson, will be taking his government watchdog schtick to the evening newscast. Just to be safe, he's keeping his day job at KXL Radio. * Ever since Umbra Penumbra closed, Portland has lacked a good cabaret. But now, dancer Linda Austin and lighting czar Jeff Forbes are launching Cabaret Boris and Natasha in a new space at 4625 SE 67th Ave. Expect to see some of Portland's best performing artists, including Heidi Carlsen, Miss Murgatroid, Jerry Mouawad, Gregg Bielemeier, Katie Griesar, Mary Oslund, Lisa Miller and Carol Triffle. * What a gas: unidentified quick-change artists lifted two canisters of high-octane nitrous oxide from a storage area at Pill Hill last month. According to OHSU spokesman Martin Munguia, each tank contained a staggering 250 pounds of highly combustible nitrous in liquid form--800 times denser than the stuff you used to inhale at parties. Clackamas County sheriff's deputies recovered the canisters last week, and criminal charges are now pending against the alleged perpetrators, who will presumably be laughing all the way to the courthouse. * New Avenues for Youth continues to win accolades for its work with homeless kids. The Horatio Alger Association, a national group that funds similar organizations, named New Avenues a "School of Excellence," the only such school recognized among hundreds of applicants. The award comes with a $5,000 prize. * About four hours into Monday night's carefully scripted School Board meeting, Ron Saxton woke up the slumbering audience with his pointed refusal to vote on a measure expressing board opposition to Ballot Measures 92 and 98, both of which are designed to blunt unions' political power. "I don't believe this impacts schools," Saxton says, "just unions." * City Commissioner Dan Saltzman can't name names, but it's not too hard to figure out who he's talking about in his Voters' Pamphlet statement supporting his local measure to turn newly hired bureau directors into at-will employees. "Can you imagine having an employee you can't fire," Saltzman writes. Hmm, this couldn't have anything to do with his failed attempt to oust BOEC director Sherrill Whittemore earlier this year, could it? * Murmurs has learned that the Federal Communications Commission is on the verge of announcing a "notice of inquiry" into open access on the Internet. This means that after two years of foot dragging, the dreadnought agency will actually publicly consider whether Portland was right in standing up to AT&T Broadband in court and demanding that the telecom giant provide open access to other ISPs across its cable lines. At the least, this is a huge PR victory for City Commissioner Erik Sten and cable czar David Olson, architects of the city's policy.