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WINNERS
1. Lingerie models and personal
escorts are riding high after Mayor Vera Katz abandoned
efforts to shut down the local sex industry. After some
last-minute legal research, the city realized that escorts,
even if they don't wear much else, are clothed in the Oregon
Constitution.
2. The Anonymous Six birth mothers were able once
again to keep the demon adoptees at the gate this week.
Birth certificates are going to remain under lock and key
for at least another three weeks to give the mystery moms'
attorney more time to plead with the Oregon Supreme Court
to hear the case after all.
3. Tern-about is fair play when it comes to squatting rights
in the Columbia River. Embattled ocean-bound hatchery
salmon won't have to worry about the Caspian terns who
picked off 11 percent of their run last year; the feds are
relocating the hungry birds to an island at the river's
mouth. Now if only we could get rid of those Department
of Fish and Wildlife employees who fish with Louisville
Sluggers....
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LOSERS
1. Sgt. Richard Barton, allegedly a central figure
in last year's overtime scandal, took a double whammy in
April 9's Oregonian for recently winning a stress
disability claim eight years after being involved in the
Nathan Thomas shooting. Thomas' parents wrote an op-ed saying
he'd failed their son again, and the O's Maxine Bernstein
played the story big in the Metro section.
2. The bloom is off the rose for the local managed-care
industry. Most Oregon HMOs lost money last year, and
industry watchers forecast big premium hikes ahead.
3. The only difference between the Willamette River
and your toilet is the latter contains fewer annoying personal
watercraft--or at least that's the impression this week's
"State of the Willamette" gives. The report, issued by Willamette
Riverkeeper, found that toxic releases into the river doubled
in the last two year reporting period, news that will hardly
bolster opponents of a federal Superfund listing.
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