People who say spring-cleaning doesn't give them a primitive
sense of well-being are lying through their mothballs. Use
the following clip 'n' save tips to make the most of what
can be a powerful time of personal reflection.
1. Rid yourself of offspring, spouses and significant others
for a few hours.
To paraphrase current pop-culture psychobabble: This is
your time.
2. Empty your closets and drawers. Every item is to be
scrutinized without
prejudice.
3. The faster you do it, the better. Make a pile of all
the items you never wear: the stuff you've kept for sentimental
reasons (get over it), the stuff you're sure will come back
in style (it won't) and the stuff you're trying to get back
into (need
I say it?). Kiss it all goodbye.
4. If Buddha
were a wardrobe consultant, he'd say we are now practicing
"detachment": seeing reality (tight
across the butt) as opposed to what we'd like to see
(cargo pockets make
my thighs look smaller). Now's the time to add anything
that wasn't worn last spring or summer to the
discard pile.
5. There's no longer any reason to be in possession of
play clothes, items reserved for the sole purpose of getting
dirty. By wearing said clothing, you'll only tempt the universal
law that dictates you
WILL run into your old boyfriend, and he WILL be with a
Blazer dancer. Buh-bye.
6. In an ideal world, you'd be left with the adult version
of Garanimals:
classic or timely pieces (read: no camouflage or Flock of
Seagulls concert
T-shirts) that work together and look fabulous. Help yourself
by answering the following question truthfully as you examine
the remains of your wardrobe: Does this piece of clothing
make me look better? Remember to disregard matters of price.
7. Quickly! Fill opaque garbage bags with the purged items.
Do not waffle or weaken. Toss the sealed bags into your
car and drive directly to the nearest donation station.
Note the warm feeling spreading through you as collect your
tax-deduction receipt. Good work. It seems you have a little
"me time" left. Isn't there a sale
at Nordstrom right about now?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published May 19, 1999
|
