Now that the hot
weather has descended, it's time to rate deodorants. We sweat-tested
a collection of stank fighters to find out which ones fake
out the funk.
1. Secret
Platinum Protection
$3.49 at Fred Meyer
Yet another totem toiletry that's supposed to appeal to
the hoity-toity market of other high-end everyday products.
It's hard to tell if the buffness of this spendy handful
is in the science of ingredients or the science of the dispenser:
To apply Secret's P.P. you twist a dial on the bottom and
white cream streams out of little holes on the head of the
stick. Imagine many little zits popping or a troupe of Esther
Williams swimmers surfacing en mass in white caps. I had
to swack mine against the sink the first time I used it
to get it rolling. But the stuff's good. The cream dries
quicky and leaves an invisible sweat-fighting seal that
lasts throughout the day.
2.
Arm & Hammer with Baking Soda
$2.49 at Fred Meyer
Something wasn't right about this stuff. First, the stick
was too wide for my petite pit. And the smell of the Fresh
Scent seemed a little musky. Sure, the sweat-prevention
power was top-notch, but I couldn't shake the feeling that
this stuff just wasn't for me. As I read the back closely,
hidden within the directions, in 6-point type, were these
words: "formulated to get through men's underarm hair easily."
A-ha! Strong enough for a man and made for a man.
I have to give A&H props for not resorting to the uber-masculine
imagery that's epidemic in other brands (I guess that muscled
arm clenching the hammer does stand for something),
but a little tag on the front saying "men's" might have
helped. Oh well, equal opportunity.
3.
Teen Spirit
$1.89 at Fred Meyer
The deodorant that started a punk rock revolution. Legend
has it that riot queen Kathleen Hanna scribbled "Kurt Smells
like Teen Spirit" on Mr. Cobain's bedroom wall, and the
rest is history. Teen Spirit is an adequate smell-warder
that comes in a smaller-sized container that easily fits
in an awkward adolescent's hands or a shaky rock star's.
The Baby Powder Soft-scented stick does seem to play more
deodorant chords than actual antiperspirant notes, but it
still kicks butt.
4.
Tom's of Maine
$3.79 at Nature's
If you want to smell like bug spray, then Tom's calendula
roll-on is for you. That's right, if you like gagging every
time you reach for something on a shelf or go to pull the
bus bell, calendula is the one. What is calendula? It's
a plant genus, and while these little yellow- and orange-flowered
beauts might be fragrant in their natural environs, the
way Tom has boiled them up, all that survives is an astringent-like
haze. Too bad, because the ingredient list makes the stuff
seem almost lickable--aloe vera, chamomile tea, sage extract
and lemon grass oil. And since this is just a deodorant
and not an antiperspirant, all it's got going for it is
the scent.
5.
Crystal Stick
$6.99 at Nature's
There is very little woo-woo in me. There's yoo-hoo, pooh-pooh
and woo-hoo, but no woo-woo. That's why I was very suspicious
of the crystal. I had met more than enough perfectly nice
hippies who smelled like rancid chicken soup to surmise
that this crystal thing wasn't the smartest social move.
But I have to admit that when I walked 45 minutes to work
on an extremely hot day, the Crystal came through. It's
odorless and created for cross-gender use. The best part
is there aren't any icky chemicals that might give you cancer--this
stuff is made of natural mineral salts and ammonium. And
while the hefty price tag might hold you back, the label
promises that the stick will last for a year and recommends
it for foot use as well. Ya-hoo!
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Willamette Week | originally
published July 28, 1999
|
