In one episode of
the underrated That '70s Show, the parents come
home early from the Berkshires, prompting a houseful of kids
to tackle a lone "thing" of Visine. This leads to an earnest
discussion of what to call the peculiar plastic container
holding the eyedrops. Is it a vial? A squeeze tube? A dropper
rocket? We'd like to take that scintillating debate one step
further with a look at what's inside the mysterious vessel.
*The drops featured here can be found at most drugstores;
prices may vary.
1. Gaia MSM Eye/Ear Drops
($9 for 1 fluid ounce at Joie de Vie, 715 SW Morrison St.,
Suite 905, 224-8636)
After a night of too many screwdrivers and not enough shut-eye,
Gaia MSM drops salve your ravaged pupils the way Advil calms
your heavy head. These nourishing drops also feel great
at 4:30 in the afternoon when you're zonked from staring
at a computer screen all day. Relief only comes after a
quick flash of discomfort, though. At first the drops sting
like shampoo, but as the liquid soaks in, redness and dryness
miraculously dissipate. Gaia, new on the scene this year,
was developed by estheticians. The "skin food" products
contain methyl-sulfonyl-methane, which is the eighth most
abundant substance in the body and counters microbial and
fungal infections and inflammation. MSM penetrates cell
tissue as easily as water; the drops help keep eye and ear
tissue soft and flexible. Bonus: This one doubles as an
ear dropper.
A tester who experiences ear discomfort when flying reported
zero problems when she used Gaia in her ears on a recent
trip.
2. Murine Tears
($4.19 for 0.5 fluid ounces)*
There are legitimate, medical reasons to have red, irritated
eyes. The summer before my sophomore year of high school,
my eyes were constantly stinging and scarlet. This led to
more than one mother-daughter talk about the pros and cons
of "experimentation." Once I managed to convince my mom
that I would never be so stupid as to experiment in my own
house, she took me to an optometrist, thinking I might need
glasses. It turns out my tear ducts were deficient, a common
problem. I was directed to purchase over-the-counter tears.
Murine worked the best then and now. The "closest to natural
tears" claim on the package is true. Murine's tears don't
feel like eyedrops, they feel like a good cry.
3. Bausch & Lomb Sensitive Eyes
($8.19 for 0.5 fluid ounces)*
Sensitive Eyes is the high-maintenance proxy of Murine
Tears. Finding it means a trek to the bowels of the drugstore
where the contact lens equipment is kept. This is a big
deal for people with 20/20 vision. Imagine being from one
of those lost tribes that hasn't been out of a Peruvian
cave for thousands of years. Suddenly you're catapulted
into the cereal aisle of Safeway and asked to choose a good
box of raisin bran. This is what the contact lens aisle
is like. There are a million ridiculous products, and if
you pick the wrong one, you're screwed. Dripping an enzymatic
cleanser in your eyes is like mainlining liquid soap into
your retina. It's also annoying that the Bausch & Lomb
people have jacked up the price of their drops just because
their name sounds medical.
4. Visine Original
($4.49 for 0.5 fluid ounces)*
Standard Visine is to eyes what Clorox is to hair, it eradicates
color in an instant. But bleach isn't very kind to tresses.
It doesn't massage the scalp, nourish the follicles or prevent
the gray from coming back. Similarly, Visine, if used too
liberally, isn't particularly good for the windows of your
soul. Visine is a decongestant; decongestants (think nasal
sprays) dry. Bruce Goldman, a doctor at Binyon's downtown,
explained that the drug that gets the red out also constricts
the eye's superficial blood vessels, which in turn deprive
surrounding tissue of oxygen. "The second the drug wears
off, the tissues send a signal that they need oxygen, and
the blood vessels swell," says Goldman. It's called rebound
hyperemia, and it's what happens to chronic Visine users.
Goldman recommends Visine only when used on a short-term
basis. Save this one for allergy season.
5. Tears Naturale
($5.79 for 0.5 fluid ounces)*
Proof of truth in advertising: Tears Naturale claims to
be recommended by pharmacists, and a quick survey of Seattle
and Portland drugstores actually proved this. Pharmacists
do endorse it! Tears Naturale has fewer nasty chemicals
than most other drops, so it doesn't wipe away red as well,
but it feels refreshing and hits the eyeball painlessly.
It's safe to put this stuff in your eyes frequently; it
won't dry them out. It's more of an eye wash than an eye
whitener, so you might want to pair your Tears Naturale
with a more potent red-eye eraser.
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Willamette Week | originally
published November 10,
1999
|
