Tights, the sturdy
opaque cousin to "sheers," have been around for centuries.
Actually, Attila the Hun brought them into vogue. He was known
for layering his tights with legwarmer-style woolens handy
for concealing archaic torture devices. How do you wear yours?
1. HIPPIES
$14 AT URBAN OUTFITTERS, 2320 NW WESTOVER
ROAD, 248-0020
Style over substance used to be fashion's big problem.
Now, a new pitfall: concept over content. It may be a more
sophisticated paradigm, but it's just as useless. Hippies,
for example, are a great concept: hip-hugging tights suited
to low-slung retro fashions, with no itchy elastic right
at the waist. But who wears tights under bellbottoms? And
that clever, V-shaped cut that allows Hippies to dive under
the bellybutton? It cuts right into the fattest part of
stomach, causing a little bubble of blubber to pop out.
The design is great...if you're a teen boy who wears a lot
of slouchy skirts.
2. K-BELL
$9 AT RETREAD THREADS, 931 SW OAK ST.,
916-0000
K-Bells come in the basic schoolgirl colors: navy blue,
true red and chalky white. They're made with plenty of spandex,
so you feel like you're wearing super-thin leggings--leggings
that might as well have a Kevlar coating. I wore a pair
of K-Bells to a grimy rooftop party: I scaled fire escapes,
sat on cement blocks and breakdanced. No runs, no stains.
After a cycle in the washing machine, my albino K-Bells
looked perfect and new. Plus, the waistband isn't too structured
or tight, and there's no constricting control top.
3. DKNY
$11.50 AT NORDSTROM, 701 SW BROADWAY, 224-6666
I like these just because they say Donna Karan and I can
afford them. Besides that, they garnered the most male attention,
possibly because of the boxer-short-shaped control top,
which was a little too tight. The fabric combo of spandex,
nylon and polyamide make these look more like traditional
pantyhose--and they feel luxurious.
4. GAP SHAPER
$14 AT THE GAP, VARIOUS LOCATIONS
Gap tights come in only two sizes, which is a major problem
if you're not very tall and thin or very short and thin.
The other bummer about Gap tights is the blandness of the
color choices: beige, brown, eggshell...maybe you're supposed
to match them to your foundation.
5. HUE
$11 AT NORDSTROM, 701 SW BROADWAY, 224-6666
Heather, my most fashionable friend, likes Hue tights the
best. Maybe because they come in so many "heathered" shades.
I'd put them one notch under K-Bells, but with a few admirable
distinctions. Hue tights are made with cotton (plus polymede
and Lycra), which makes them cozy and comfortable enough
to wear under pants in the winter. Of course, cotton doesn't
look or feel fancy, and these tights don't hold their shape
as long as their all-synthetic sisters. Hues do come in
five sizes, so you can still find a pair that fit in the
toes and waist even if your height and weight aren't precisely
proportionate.
6. KB & COMPANY
$6 AT FRED MEYER, VARIOUS LOCATIONS
Stop in the pet aisle and buy a leash with these tights;
they look like they're going to trot out the door when you
take them off. It's obvious they won't keep their shape
forever, but at least they're cheap and fit nicely. But
beware of runs--no gymnastics in these. Mine started to
fray after three wears. Worse, the manufacturers scrimped
on colors. If Urban Decay made these, the colors would be
called menstrual blood, dumpster dive and chlorine head,
but as red, white and green, they just don't work.
7. E.G. SMITH LEG THERAPY
$23 AT NOB HILL SHOE REPAIR,
921 NW 23RD AVE., 224-8682
Made of cotton and supplex, this leg gear is bomber. Unless
you go writhing around on a bed of nails, you're not going
to put any runs in these babies. The consistency is more
like a pair of leggings than nylons; they are warm and opaque
but not very sexy. Articulated heels and toes and a thick,
tightie-whities-style waistband make these tights supremely
comfortable. You could buy a pair of pants for this much
money, but a pair of black E.G.'s will definitely get you
through more than one winter. They come in dozens of solid,
heathered and "space-dyed" (think '70s psychedelic concentric
circles) shades and one size only, which, despite E.G.'s
claim, do not
fit all.
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Willamette Week | originally
published November 23,
1999
|
