NEWS STORY Readers' Peeves We asked whether you had any gripes that we may have missed in our Jan. 20 cover complain-athon. Boy, did you ever. Here's a sample:

CULTURE COMPLAINTS Your story on pet(ty) peeves about Portland was great, but I have a few to add, and they're fairly aggravating ones: 1. No real culture: When was the last time music, dance or theater worthy of New York or L.A. visited here? Perhaps it's due to the fact that there is... 2. No real auditorium: The Schnitzer is gaudy, and the Civic is boxy. The only adequate theater is the Intermediate Theater, which is way too small for any large-scale productions. These two gripes indirectly cause the third... 3. The city shuts down at 8 pm, six days a week (and is closed all day Sunday). Where is our night life? Sure, it's nice to be able to walk around at midnight unescorted, but I miss the excitement of a more active city.--Heather Bacon-Shone Get those damn "Cultural District" signs off the streets near the Performing Arts Center. Maybe we'll know Portland has arrived when the city no longer sees a need for such self-conscious "we have culture, really" advertising.--Chris Garrett A message to people who try to maneuver baby strollers through tiny, overcrowded, claustrophobic art galleries on First Thursday: Get sitters! --Cooper Mathews SIGNS OF OUTRAGE Thank you! I laughed out loud many times reading your cover story. But one annoying little detail I thought you left out was the use of one-sided street signs all over this city. I've asked around, and no one can seem to tell me what the concept behind it is. If you happen to be at an intersection where your "side" of the sign is obstructed, and you can't quite remember the order of Main, Salmon, Taylor, etc., you're outta luck. Thanks, I feel better already. --Melissa Gerr What I hate most about the dismal downtown bus mall are the signs reading "Drug Free Zone." What a bunch of malarkey. The drug dealing is flagrant, even in broad daylight directly across from the County Courthouse.--Virginia Lake MISPELLINGS As an old anal-retentive Virgo copy editor, I'm repelled by all the misspellings one sees. Menus, wine shop newsletters, captions on PAM exhibits, signs, local TV news/weather/sports. I'm told to lightin up. Hepl! --Don Lief GROOMING THAT'S GONE TO THE DOGS OK, enough baseball caps. They make everyone look exactly the same. Enough excessive tattoos. Not unique anymore. Enough excessive piercing. And enough goatees. If you have a pudding face and you wear a goatee, you still have a pudding face. And those black clunky shoes that everyone wears are ugly. Finally, walking around or driving while talking on your cell phone is ridiculous. It's OK to be out of touch for a while.--Jack Rubinger Goatees. Two words: dog's butt (no offense to dogs). --Kristina Shafer FRANK CRITICISM WW's "Kvetchfest" nailed most of my pet peeves (white guys with dreadlocks--gag!), but you missed a few: Gerry Frank: Noblesse oblige has its place, but Gerry's weekly Oregonian column isn't it. "Why?" and "who cares?" come to mind on those rare occasions when I skim Gerry's offerings. Come to think of it, ditto for Jonathan Nicholas. Portland Opera: Opera must be done on a world-class level or not at all. Portland rates a "not at all." It's the black hole that sucks up badly needed arts dollars, and for what?--Alan Coogan UNCONTROLLED H20 AND CONTROLLED 90 PROOF I really enjoyed this week's article on the pet peeves of Portland. I have a couple of my own: 1. In a city where rain is a part of everyday life, why do the freeways collect so much water? Can't the civil engineers figure out better drainage for our freeways? 2) OLCC--state-run liquor sucks. --Ken Ostrin CAT UNDER A HOT MAX ROOF Transparent roofs for bus/MAX shelters. On hot summer days I would like to wait in the shade, but there isn't any. --Ice Tiger SHORT PINTS AND LONG SPIKES Fun story! Here are my two peeves. 1. Pint glasses that hold 13 ounces. Why in the hell do pubs in Portland sell a 13-ounce beer as a pint? Have they no shame? Granted, there are a few bartenders and pub owners who can measure out 16 ounces, but the vast majority of them lie to us. 2. Studded tires all winter: I'm sure that one or two of the people who put on studs Thanksgiving weekend really drive on ice daily. Or even weekly. The other 99.656 percent are just tearing up roads with steel or aluminum spikes, driving SUVs with studs, all winter--even if it never ices up and they don't ski. --T.L. Austin CHEWED OUT AT PDX One of my pet peeves is that PDX is possibly the only major airport in the United States that refuses to sell gum. I need it to help equalize ear pressure when I fly. The reason for the ban--it gums up the carpets--doesn't stick when you consider there is no prohibition on bringing or using gum in the airport, only selling it there.--Michael Steinore CHILDLESS WHINERS My pet peeve in Portland is the constant complaining I hear from childless folks about paying taxes for schools when they have no children benefiting from them. These are, of course, the same people who are outraged when the young checker in the grocery store can't figure out how to make change when her machine breaks down. No duh, dudes, my child may be your future doctor.--Toby Berry "IS THAT A HOME BEHIND THAT $200K GARAGE?" I'm starting to shop for my first home purchase, and I've got to ask: Why are all those home hiding behind big ugly garages, and why can't realtors take photos emphasizing the home and not the garage?--Ron Leonard PUNK IS DEAD Punk rockers of Satyricon Take a hike Ditch those Doc Martens, tattered jeans and attitude It's '99 not '77 Sid is dead Heroin is not cool Punk is dead Get over it --Richie Bolcavitch PORTLAND'S CEMENT It is amazing to me that a city the size of Portland, and one which is urging people to use modes of transport other than the automobile, has so many streets without sidewalks. Speaking of streets, why do so many people park the wrong direction on two-way streets as if they are driving in Japan or the British Isles?--Gary Olsen-Hasek TOP 10 PEEVES 1. Miranda July 2. Everclear 3. Craig Walker 4. All news anchors 5. Sorry--Willamette Week for dropping "Too Much Coffee Man" 6. Asshole cyclists--they are not only in Forest Park. 7. The intersection of East Burnside Street and Sandy Boulevard 8. Northwest 23rd Avenue (Friday night-Sunday night) 9. The fact that the City gave the ballet $1,000,000. If they want to dance, let James pick up the check. 10. Ron Tonkin's new ads. Please, Ron, go to the bridge and jump. --David Wheeler THE GUS GUSH Why is it that no matter what movie is reviewed, The Oregonian has to work in a reference to Gus Van Sant, no matter how oblique or off-base? It's always something like "this moving documentary on tree snails was directed by Fred Schmertz, a third cousin to Gus' first-grade teacher's best friend and who is obviously influenced by Mala Noche." Is it because he's our only tenuous link to Hollywood? Why don't they simplify things by simply tacking on a "Gus-Van-Sant-o-Meter" and rate the damn movie on how much better it would have been if Gus had directed it.--Linda Absher PDXCESSIVE NOISE I think you were right on with many of your peeves. One that I am surprised you missed is aircraft noise. Have you not noticed the incredible increase in aircraft noise over the city in the last year or so? I think that in a city that so prides itself on "livability," aircraft noise has become a major issue. And to think there are plans for a third runway...--Ricardo Pincheira MATT WUERKERBUMPER STICKER PRIDE Native Oregonian pretentiousness. My ancestors cruised over to Philadelphia from Bavaria in the mid-1700s, but my family never dreamed of calling ourselves "native Pennsylvanians." When Clinton was in town for the timber summit, somebody should have told him he could solve the whole crisis simply by asking "Native Oregonians" to pull the old-growth sticks out of their butts.--Brenda Tilke "NEWS" 'COPTERS Try to walk in downtown Portland during the 5 pm news. The buzz of all those f*cking helicopters makes conversation futile. And don't try to escape to Forest Park for peace. You can hear the whomp-whomp of the blades through the trees. Feels like being an extra in The Deer Hunter! And for what? Pictures of cars in traffic? What the hell is that? It's sure not news. Cars in traffic! What next? Leaves on trees! Hair on dogs! Damn news freaks...--Guy Oekerman - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Willamette Week | originally published February 3, 1999