To make a long story short, I finally left her.
I thought we were both unhappy in the relationship and thought
I was doing the right thing. Since then, we have both met
new partners and have continued on with our lives.
She moved in exactly four blocks from my house.
The brief closure I had is now torn open. I
am married, have been since late 1998. I am sure she is married,
too. I am happy with my marriage and I love my wife to death,
would never do anything to hurt her and will never be unfaithful.
However, ever since I left this woman, and especially now,
it feels as though my soul has been torn apart.
What should I do? I want to tell this woman
where I live, be friends on a purely platonic level, and move
ahead with my life. Do I tell my wife how I feel about this
woman and risk hurting her? Do I tell this woman how I feel
and risk hurting her, and disrupting her relationship? Or
do I remain silent and suffer in my own pain?
Well, Portland isn't such a big town, multiuse
has its downside, and the city planners clearly need to reconsider
zoning laws for exes and context. In the meantime, maybe you
can work out a way to stay indoors. Are you really needed
outside? It is supposed to be raining. Perhaps you won't be
required to confront the friendliness of your neighbors until
next spring, when the lawn starts to grow.
However, if your wife is sensitive to your moods
to the extent that she is starting to ask what your goddamned
problem is, then I suppose you owe her an explanation. Be
honest, be kind; explain that your ex has moved in four blocks
down, that it's thrown you for a (very temporary) loop, and
leave it at that. Perhaps she'll sympathize. Perhaps she'll
pitch a raging fit, in which case you'll act like it's no
big deal and there's nothing to get excited about. Either
way, make yourself a promise that you will never visit your
ex without the presence of your wife (or her husband). The
rest will work itself out in time, so long as you bring a
chaperone.
P.S. Don't worry: It's supposed to feel this
way. But it won't feel so bad forever.
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry her
23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid she's
a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a gay
man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should I
choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos can
reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover is
a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed with
telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19, but
I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and wants
me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like my
artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex with
another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes for
a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an ex-boyfriend.
|
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants
to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not interested
in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get back
together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out
with a drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I
love performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
|
-I
would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in
love. |
| 4/19/00 |
|
-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
| 4/26/00 |
|
-My
guy's so sexually pedestrian
-Our daughter is bitter at us for breaking off her affair
with an older man |
| 5/03/00 |
|
-I'm
an ex-porn performer and I know nothing of lovemaking,
only fucking
-I'm tired of being the guy friend. |
| 5/10/00 |
|
-Suey
hears from the virgins |
| 5/17/00 |
|
-What
do you think about Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction seminar
and other programs that promise to teach a guy how to
get women in bed? |
| 5/24/00 |
|
-I've
recently started paling around (and more) with a married
guy; now it's getting weird. |
| 5/31/00 |
|
-Without
a ring how is a guy to know if a woman's available?
-I love my husband but recently we fight about everything.
I want to try marriage counselling but we're both skeptical.
|
| 6/7/00 |
|
-"I
want to know what love is"
-I'm attracted to unavailable men. Married, uncommunicative,
religious, sports-oriented or work-obsessed men seem to
be my specialty. |
| 6/14/00 |
|
-My
best friend, who's a straight male, initiated a sexual
encounter. Now our friendship is horribly strained, what's
a guy to do?
-What's the etiquette on roommates bringing home lovers
and all that? |
| 6/21/00 |
|
-
There's this girl.... and I want to talk to her.
-Why is it that all the men I meet only want to casually
date or have casual sex? |
| 6/28/00 |
|
-I'm
involved in a relationship that I'm afraid might shock
and alienate my family and friends, how to proceed? |
| 7/04/00 |
|
-
I met this wonderful girl... |
| 7/12/00 |
|
-I'm
a guy who doesn't like sex.
-I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, but now
I deeply regret it... |
| 7/19/00 |
|
-
Suey, what's with your lame gender cliches? |
| 7/26/00 |
|
-I
think I'm Straight-Curious (if there is such a thing)
-I've been off and on with my college boyfriend for over
12 years. We're having trouble moving to the next level.
|
| 8/2/00 |
|
- I'm 32, just divorce, and dating a guy who's 25.
Is there something wrong with what I'm doing??
- I am older and therefore wiser. Your readers are naive.
I'll help you set them straight.
|
| 8/9/00 |
|
-Just
when I had lost all hope in men, I met the most amazing
guy.
-I'm thinking about contacting a dominatrix. Any advice
on how to present myself? |
| 8/16/00 |
|
-My boyfriend is such a sweetheart when he's with me,
but when he's out with his guy friends, he turns into
a total pig.
-The world's biggest ass
|
| 8/23/00 |
|
-A year ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years
with another woman. How can I fix this? He is freaking
out.
-Oh Ms. Chow, in this case you're wrong |
| 8/30/00 |
|
-When do you tell someone you're dating that you have
hepatitis?
|
| 9/6/00 |
|
-Clueless fellow in deeply sordid situation
-I'm beginning to suspect a connection between chemical
dependency and emotional dependency, or maybe between
fitness and emotional independence.
-Is there any way to turn down a bridesmaid offer without
offending? |
| 9/13/00 |
|
-My wife doesn't want to have sex anymore
-I used to be in the sex service profession, should I
tell the man I'm about to marry? |
| 9/20/00 |
|
-I started playing out some of my fantasies with my lover
in the last year. Things have gotten complex.
- I explained that nail polish is only for girls, to which
my son insisted, "I'm a girl too!" |
| 9/27/00 |
|
-I'm dating my close friend's ex-husband
-Even though he is gonna dump me after having sex, I still
want go out with him. |
| 10/04/00 |
|
-Three straight guys agree: Hey, what's with the ladies?
|
| 10/11/00 |
|
-Are there side-effects to jerking off?
-I'm married, he's married, we're deeply in love with
each other and having an affair. And now he's asking me
to marry him. |
| 10/18/00 |
|
-I have recently gotten out of a yearlong relationship
with someone I considered my best friend...now, heartbroken.
|
| 10/25/00 |
|
-
I'm fascinated and infatuated with the parking valet boys
at Bluehour.
- I am wondering why I am finding it so difficult to meet
that special person. |
| 11/1/00 |
|
- I am unable to make my girlfriend orgasm through intercourse
or oral sex.
- The chronically ill have to realize that their life-and-death
medical tragedies aren't the only problems in the world!
What about the mental discomfort of the physically healthy?
|
| 11/8/00 |
|
-
This asshole stripper is giving me the run around
- I love my husband, but in the last few months, every
little thing about him drives me crazy. |
| 11/14/00 |
|
-I
am in love with a man who wants all the benefits of a
long-term, committed relationship without the commitment.
- I'm a 30-year-old gay man who has yet to be in a significant
relationship. |
| 11/21/00 |
|
-
My prom date and I encountered each other at a party after
not seeing each other for 14 years, one week after I suffered
a near-fatal accident.
-There aren't any men out there willing to settle down
with a simple country girl. I live and breathe country. |
| 11/28/00 |
|
-
Can you explain to me why women hate shy men?
- Why do men hate women? |
| 12/05/00 |
|
-
I accidentally came across a cache of porn on her computer,
mostly of nude women. Is my mother a lesbian?
-My father keeps a huge stash of porn on his computer.
|
| 12/12/00 |
|
-
I am 29 years old, female, and I just cannot orgasm from
penetration (intercourse).
- My impression of Portland is that it's an older crowd
that's mostly married. Is my impression correct? |
| 12/17/00 |
|
-My husband and I have an open relationship for most
of the years we've been married, when do we tell our
teenage kids?
-My "straight" friend persists in flirting
with me (I'm gay).
|
| 12/24/00 |
|
-
I am 33 years old, overweight my whole life. Now I've
shed 70 pounds and want to begin dating. Tips?
- Suey, help me develop my vaginal muscles so I can shoot
ping-pong balls and smoke joints with it? |
| 12/31/00 |
|
- Some stupid straight guy
|
| 1/6/01 |
|
-My
boyfriend doesn't like to kiss. Otherwise he's normal.
- My Jewish parents are incredible rude to my 1/2 German
boyfriend. He even studies Hebrew and the Torah! (things
that they never used to have any interest in, BTW) |
| 1/13/01 |
|
- Guy needs help getting over girl who doesn't want
him
|
| 1/20/01 |
|
-Boy
want to be with the boys |
| 2/6/01 |
|
- All men have begun to look like George W. to me!
- Marriage is a crock Suey
|
| 2/14/01 |
|
-Is it really possible for someone who doesn't enjoy sex
to learn to enjoy sex?
- I am the bad guy in a bad relationship,
and the relationship isn't even mine! |
| 2/21/01 |
|
- I've been having trouble getting sex in this town
- Do people sleep around anymore?
|
| 2/28/01 |
|
-Lovers but not talkers |
| 3/7/01 |
|
-I'm writing to deliver a message of extreme frustration
to guy friends who give my phone number to other guys
who are interested in me.
- I'm a girl who adores giving head...
|
| 3/14/01 |
|
-Why do women seem to prefer tall men?
-My boyfriend and I have been playing our own little game
of Temptation Island for a while now... |
