JOYOUS HOLIDAY MUSIC! : -)
SONIC REDUCER
COPS' NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE! CHEAP METH RIPPING UP YOUR NOSE! AHHH, ANOTHER MERRY CHRISTMAS WITH PORTLAND'S PUNK ROCK STALWARTS.

by ZACH DUNDAS & JOHN GRAHAM
zdundas@wweek.com, jgraham@wweek.com

Whoever said this is the most wonderful time of year is a fat, corrupt liar, but in deference to the seasonal spirit of giving, here are some records we actually like! Dig in, kids:

The Jimmies/The Daryls:
Christmas Carols
(Brucemonkey Records)

"Got Too Drunk on Christmas Eve" is the sentiment with which the Jimmies greet this new entry into the overstuffed holiday sweepstakes. Their choice of coda--a mad dash thru the heart of the Ramones' "Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight)"--colors the rest of this basement-recorded split EP in Bowery black-and-blue. The following 10 songs have more fuzz than Aunt Elsie's itchy sweaters and as many sarcastic yuks as Scrooged. Highlights: The Jimmies' intentionally off-key mauling of Danzig's "Mother" into "Santa" (complete with closing rumination about whether the Wolverine wannabe would kick their ass if he found out), and Seattle's Daryls condensing five famous carols into two-plus minutes of sneering melody. Holly jolly.

The Jimmies play the Pine Street Theater Friday, Dec. 22.

Harum Scarum:
Mental Health
(Tribal War Records)

Though they may be ex-proprietors of the Maul and recent covergirls of Maximumrocknroll, Harum Scarum doesn't peek above the subterranean crusty-punk horizon too often. Which is a shame, since their scalding brew of shifty thrash guitar, slit-throat vocals and Molotov politics should be disseminated more widely to teach more tough-love lessons. A mix of both riot-starting antinomianism and more life-affirming Leftie goals (animal rights, environmentalism, etc.), Mental Health works as both a righteous anarcho-primer and a potent dose of rage. Even if you don't care about Fighting The System, Harum Scarum will rock you. Guaranteed.

The Riffs:
Underground Kicks
(Pelado Records)

With its no-mainstream-approval-required title and needle-fix cover art, don't start seeking out the Riffs' Underground Kicks next to the Rancid discs at your local Wal-Mart anytime soon. Which is surely fine by them, since the Riffs' midspeed, raw-as-fresh-meat punk slaps you like a cold fish upside the head, straddling the '77 Atlantic somewhere between the laddish, lager-sodden aggression of early Sex Pistols' demos and the smacked-out swagger of Johnny Thunders' Heartbreakers. Though the band's pace can occasionally slow to a bleary slog onstage, here they invite a full contingent of their boys into the studio to provide mob-strength sing-alongs. They may be preaching to the converted, of course. But the nihilistic desperation evident in these 11 shots of evangelical punk should prove more than sufficient to attract followers of The Chaos Way.

The Riffs play Meow Meow Friday, Dec. 22.

The Vandals:
Oi! to the World
(Kung Fu Records)

Okay, so the Vandals aren't from Portland, but this (reissued) 1996 holiday classic has more inspired comedic caroling than Mr. Hankey. Parodic street-punk anthems like the title track, the cheeky anti-consumerist "I Don't Believe in Santa Claus" and a cover of the Yobs' herpes sob story "C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S" will surely gather the family 'round the beer fridge for boozy hugs. Other cuts, such as the goofy gimme-gimme-gimme greed odes of "A Gun for Christmas" and "Thanx for Nothing," and the transgendered, uh, nutcracker of "My First Xmas (As a Woman)," update skatecore with pealing church bells. The sensitive ballad "Christmas Time for My Penis" will touch you in unexpected ways. "Hang Myself from the Tree" closes it all out with a seasonal theme for the suicidal. People say rockers aren't sensitive and caring. Bah!