Natureboy
Shred All Over

by CHRIS BARKER
243-2122

If you're reading this, you should be skiing. Or snowboarding, for that matter. Winter is zipping past us faster than Timberline's new Stormin' Norman high-speed quad carries snow-goers to the top of Mount Hood.

Yes, it's time to take a look at the highlights that this season brings to the mountain's largest ski venues. And we'll start at Mount Hood Meadows. If you're an avid snowboarder and/or have a kid who's ski-crazy, you'll want to come here. Meadows' terrain parks have expanded and relocated to the right side of the resort, and here you'll find all the tabletops, hips, spines and rollers your board can devour. In fact, the Heather Canyon area has a new tower winch grooming some steep-ass terrain for the most extreme boarders. And then there's the new Super Pipe Dragon. This monster cuts half-pipes 15 feet high with 17-foot radii, translating into bigger air at launch and smoother transitions at landing.

For the kids, Meadows has added the "wonder carpet," which shuttles crumb-crunchers 60 feet uphill conveyor-belt style, and the "carousel trainer," a four-spindled rotating device that kids can hang onto while getting their ski-legs. And everyone will benefit from the acquisition of four new grooming snowcats.

Mount Hood Ski Bowl is the place to go if you're short on cash. Why is it so cheap? Well, because its highest elevation is about 2,000 to 3,000 feet lower on the mountain than either Meadows or Timberline, and that means snow conditions can be a little sketchy unless you go on an extra-cold, snowy day. Still, by January there should be enough snowpack to make the $31 weekend lift tickets worth a sliver of our plebeian wages. Just make sure you go on a cold day. If you're feeling plucky, venture into the "outback" area, 300 acres of black and double-black diamond runs away from the madding crowds. The young 'uns can satiate their snow-tube desires by taking advantage of Ski Bowl's new Tube Express Tow, which is apparently the only automated tube-towline on the mountain.

Meanwhile, at hoary Timberline, the big news is that two of the outdated "fixed-grip" chairlifts have given way to new, high-speed, detachable quad express lifts. The two lifts--Stormin' Norman and Molly's Express--have cut ride times from approximately 12 minutes to four. More runs for the money, folks. Unfortunately, while the mountain's height provides year-round skiing, it does have a downside: High winds forced cancellations of trail access and events sporadically through December. Cross your fingers for the winds to settle down in January. Unless, of course, you're a Kubrick fan mourning his loss and want the lodge to remain an empty, ghostly Shining monument.

Of course, there are always Cooper's Spur and Summit ski areas. They're tiny but might be a low-key alternative to the Big Three when the season is peaking.

You've read enough. Let the cutting and carving begin.